I never used to think about my anxiety. It used to be a word I would hear in the movies or TV shows, and they always made it look like something people shouldn’t care about. They portrayed it as this negative thing not to tell many people about. I have been hiding my outwardly growing anxiety since my junior year of high school, and because as a Lifetime movie told me “anxiety is something you grow out of…time heals”, I always thought I would get over it. Once I got to college everything was going great, and I really had a new fresh start as who I wanted to piece myself out as. I kept thinking about how I'll grow out of this thing once day; I am nineteen years old, and I can tell you I have not “grown out” of it, in even the slightest bit. My family likes to think all I need to do is breathe…my dad tells me “take it one day at a time, meditate once a day and think positive.”

It almost only projects out more of the anxious side of me when people don’t really accept it as something “valid”; something that I will get over if I “try harder”.

The main part of my anxiety is extremely important not just for me to now realize, but every single human being, ever. WHERE YOU GO TO COLLEGE/WHAT YOU CHOOSE TO DO AFTER DOES NOT DEFINE WHO YOU ARE. I was so worked up over not getting into my “top 3 schools” or getting a bigger academic scholarship to “____ university”. All of my best friends got into the school of their dreams; bought their college gear and were smooth sailing through senior year. It was not until May 1^st, national college decision day, did I make my final choice of where I was going to attend that following year. The days previous to that, I met up with a former college advisor of mine (shoutout to Kim). I sat there, broken out in hives, too scared to ask her “what my next plan should be”. I sat there, legs shaking, hands sweaty waiting for her to look over the colleges I had blindly chosen to apply to that previous fall. Not only was this list consisting of “nowhere I needed to apply” but, that none of my initial college help decided to tell me this list was all wrong. I broke down after the meeting. Crying to my mom, telling her I would never compare to my friends and that I needed a year to figure myself out.

The stigma surrounding college decisions and the competitiveness, needs to end. Wherever I decide to attend school for the next four or so years, or wherever I choose not to attend, is no ones business besides my own. If more students chose where they wanted to attend for the aspect of being HAPPY rather than the “title” it presents itself with, I am sure the percent of college dropouts would lower. May 1^st, also known as the happiest day of my life, I got into Michigan State University. Not only did the people I have met so far changed my life and who I am currently, but I found what real happiness was.

I introduced myself to the knew me…and I’m loving it.

Coping with anxiety is a lot harder than it looks; so to anyone out there dealing with some sort of anxiety/anything similar…

"calm after the storm my beauty"

XO,

Your fellow overthinker.