The Horoscope You've Never Heard Before

The Horoscope You've Never Heard Before

There's more in the stars than you realize.


We’re driven to horoscopes because we want to make a little bit of sense out of the confusion that is humanity. At least that's why I'm drawn to them, anyway.

Ever since I was a little girl I've found myself positively obsessed with astrology. When my Nana passed away, I was given her favorite astrological book by Susan Miller which is one of my most prized possessions. I can't tell you the number of times I've poured over that book, obsessively absorbing page after yellowed-page, or finding myself on the floor of Borders (R.I.P.) or Barnes and Noble for hours on end until a sad college student employee asks me to find a chair. (That ONLY happens in Barnes and Noble. Way to suck the fun out of bookstores, B&N).

Anyway, here's the bit of your horoscope you've never heard before.

Aries. You’re secretly idealistic and hopeful in every situation, no matter how much you mask it with humor. Similarly, you’re sensitive to the core. Arians are made out to be RULED BY THE GOD OF WAR, MARS. GRRRR ANGER. FUEL THE HELL FIRES. But that couldn't be further from your motivation. You storm in anger because you're disappointed in some trickery of humanity that you'll never understand. You just can't compute the evil in the world. (But you do like hypothesizing about it- your imagination is rolling 24/7). How do I know? Well...I am one.

Taurus. Honestly, Taureans are people I look up to very highly. Talk about a person to go to when you need unfiltered, raw advice. There's no one with a better head on their shoulders than a Taurus. They set goals, and if you're not with it, then honey you can leave because there's the door. Lots of horoscopes will make you out to be money hungry, but you're not. You are a realist; you KNOW what it takes to be comfortable and you'll make sure you get there.

Gemini. Some of the most fascinating people I’ve ever met are Geminis. You're represented by the twins, and while many horoscopes will incorrectly paint you as though you have a good and evil side and that's just plain wrong. You have a side you show to others, and a side you keep to yourself. You are one of the best judges of character in the zodiac because you experience so many of life’s wide array of joys and miseries yourself, you know who's handling it well and who's not. Also, SUPER crafty. Seriously.

Cancer. You’re the cool guy of the zodiac. Is that lame? I'm serious, every Cancer I've met just has that X factor that makes them widely likeable. These people know how to have fun and they segment their lives really intelligently, somehow managing to go to the coolest events, dress stylishly literally all the time, hang out with friends, and stay close with their selective inner circle. Oh, and did I mention they usually have thriving careers, too? Cool, I told you.

Leo. I love Leos because they're much more than meets the eye. Leos are made out to be prideful, and sometimes even so extreme as an egomaniac, but what many horoscopes fail to convey is that Leos will love you with the same intensity that they love themselves, their lives, and even strangers. I've had the pleasure of loving a Leo for 3 years of my life, and I highly recommend it. Being around a Leo is like seeing the world with rose-colored lenses. Joy spreads like wildfire in their kind heart, and that's just their exterior.

Virgo. I've never met a Virgin that wasn't completely awe-inspiring; the amount that they are willing to give without expecting anything in return is really incredible. Though this may not be the person to turn to when you're outpouring with emotion, just watch scrupulously the little things that a Virgin will do to keep you on the same even keel that they keep themselves. It’s plain and simple; hanging around a Virgo will improve your life.

Libra. You're the least common sign in the zodiac, which is a shame, because everyone needs a Libran in their life. The zodiac will sometimes fault you for not making a decision quickly, but I'd say what many are missing is that you don't need to because you live in a creative, flourishing world where rules need not apply, and maybe we’d all benefit if we joined you on that ride for a bit. No one can turn you around from a rut in your life like a Libra can; they are the most talented, cultured people in the zodiac.

Scorpio. Scorpions are detail-oriented and extra observant. These are the people that can quietly observe the vibe in a room and you won't need to verbally explain a thing— they know, innately. (Did you know that most psychics are Scorpios?) I've never met a Scorpio that didn't command my utmost respect. Super intuitive and wildly intelligent almost always. Scorpions usually love flattery by imitation, and tend to be almost supernaturally good at trivia, games, and wordplay. Go figure.

Saggitarius. If Cancer is the cool guy, Sagittarius is the FUN guy. I'm not sure what it is about Sag birthdays, but they have the power to command a room, break the awkward tension, and have everyone rolling on the floor laughing in minutes. There's not a bad bone in their body. Saggitarians have a flare for the unique and tend to interpret trends in a way that is super them that you can't help but pay attention to. Want advice for a new read, film, or music? Ask a Sagittarius. Trust.

Capricorn. Many people disregard Capricorns as the quiet, “boring” guy in the background worthy of being ignored. What fools. Capricorns are the observers of the zodiac, and can you imagine the depth and wisdom of someone that listens more than they speak? Hearing a Capricorn’s opinion is almost a magical experience. They divulge so seldom that you feel truly honored that they deemed you worthy enough to share. So startlingly sensitive, magnificently quirky. The most interesting character you may ever have the pleasure to be surprised by.

Aquarius. Hands down, my favorite people in the zodiac. The challenge of writing about an Aquarius pretty much sums up who you are; you're so you that you can't be captured in any situation that doesn't fit you. You defy labels, convention, and tradition magnanimously in an easy breezy way that kind of leaves others constantly thinking: “why didn't I think of that?” No one sees the bigger picture or paints brighter pictures of tomorrow like an Aquarius. You'll never get them; you just live under their spell.

Pisces. Pisces is the dichotomy of the zodiac many horoscopes fail to truly capture. Pisces are so polarizing; one way or the other. I've met Pisceans that are the most touchingly wonderful humans: great conversationalists, neat as a pin, welcoming to a fault, understanding of your every need. I've also met Pisceans that are deeply troubled, dark, incapable (or unwilling) to learn anything new-- (this sign does represent “death” on the Karmic wheel of life, so it’s as though there isn't anything else to know). You’re a puzzle and a prize all at once. All Pisceans are humble, as though it's an unspoken rule. Be confident in the knowledge you have and spread that loveliness around.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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