When I was young, my life was stable, safe and secure. There wasn’t much to worry about outside of my own internal battles I have dealt with for as long as I can remember. The well-balanced life my family was living, one that I know I took for granted at the time, disappeared one year and my life has been full of uncertainty and loss ever since. I grew up quickly from that point on, experiencing extreme changes and traumatic events that have forever stuck with me. I know what’s it’s like to lose a childhood home and find yourself living in a motel while commuting back and forth to school. I learned what death truly was; I experienced the painful confusion of losing a friend to suicide and had to say goodbye to many family members, young and old, all of them gone too soon. I have overwhelmed myself trying to hide my anxiety and depression from the world. I know what it’s like to be afraid every day, not knowing what the next hour will bring, what it is to be scared, to have someone physically and emotionally hurt you and to witness people you love suffering and not being able to do anything about it. Essentially, I got well acquainted with life, and for the longest time, I didn’t know that I was going to make it through it all. One of the few constants I have in my life, though, helped me to keep my head up and push me forever onward: my mother.

My mom’s life changed after she became permanently disabled when I was still in high school. It was as simple as lifting a box at work while twisting. The first few years were the toughest; it was hard watching my mom’s quality of life become suddenly limited, hard to see my dad become so stressed out about the situation that he suffered a heart attack. My mother developed an infection after one of her surgeries that almost killed her. Those times stay with me but are also kind of a blur. While part of me hurts to see the pain she is in on a daily basis and the dramatic impact this injury has had on her life, I am also inspired by how my mom has been able to pull through every obstacle and challenge thrown her way. She is, without a doubt, the strongest person I know.

Growing up my mom always allowed me to be independent. She didn’t believe in strict rules that made me feel suffocated. Boundaries were set, sure, but she knew that I could be responsible. And for those times when I wasn’t, those mistakes acted as lessons that helped form me into the person I am today. I rebelled against society but never had to against my parents because I was given the freedom to live, learn and grow in a way that I know many of my friends experienced differently because of strict rules. That’s not to say they were raised wrong, just different; my mom recognized what was going to work best for me as an individual and she nailed it on the head. Sometimes I wonder if my mom worries whether or not she did a good job as a mother. The thought alone breaks my heart because to my brother and me, as well as the numerous friends she basically adopted along the way, she was perfect. Her imperfections and strengths were exactly what we needed; again, they are part of what shaped me to be the person I am now.

So I want to thank you, Mom, for always trying so hard to understand how my mental health disorders affect me. I know you don’t always get it, but you’re patient, and you listen. You do your best to comprehend when I am triggered and why and you always are there to offer an ear if I need to talk about anything. I often feel like I am an enormous burden, and you do your best to remind me that I am not, that I am your daughter and this is what mothers are supposed to do.

Thank you for embracing causes and events that are important to me. You always encourage me to be responsible but to always live and to never sacrifice my happiness for anything. Thank you for never making me feel like I am not allowed to dream; you have always helped keep those dreams alive.

I want to thank you, Mom, for the way in which you have opened your mind and heart in recent years. Having a set of beliefs, ideas and principles suddenly being challenged by your only daughter that has moved back home probably wasn’t easy. When I came back, no longer separated from the family by state lines, I was different. I became more outspoken and determined to defend what I believed in. I know it was hard at first. You were always willing to listen, though, and with time you allowed yourself to see through my eyes a bit and understand where I was coming from every single time we debated. Thank you for being willing to have those conversations with me. Thank you for being strong enough to have your own convictions and at the same time being strong enough to change your mind when you felt it was the right thing to do. I know I can be loud and aggressive sometimes when we talk about something that I am passionate about; thank you for never making me feel bad about it. The fact that we are able to have conversations over topics, whether we see eye to eye on them or, in fewer cases, disagree on, instead of just fighting means more than you know.

Thank you for being the kind of mom who accepts me for who I am and would accept me no matter what. While we don’t agree with every single detail, you have made it clear that you are proud of me and who I am as a person. You have made it clear that no matter my religious beliefs, my orientation, my political opinions, my views on equality and current events or otherwise, you have my back because in your eyes a parent should never turn their back on their child and that’s what makes you the most amazing mother ever.

If I don’t say it enough, I hope you know, Mom, how much I love you, how grateful I am and how much I appreciate you.