How To Survive Your Hometown Bar This Summer
Start writing a post

It's got some ridiculously Irish name like Paddy O'Finnegan's or Murphy's and the lighting sucks. All the bartenders look like ex-cons, but you know them and their girlfriends by name. The drinks are overpriced, the floors are sticky, the bathroom walls are covered in profanity and phone numbers. The patrons are either scary, bearded townies or 17-year-olds with fake IDs. It's where you grew up, it's where you felt like an adult for the very first time in your life. It's your hometown bar, and you always seem to love it until you're actually there.

It's summer now, and chances are, you won't have much else to do than sit down in a booth with some friends and a pitcher while you wait for the school year to roll back around. Your hometown bar can get tricky very quickly. Because while it can be fun to catch up with your group of friends from home, it can rehash some long-gone stuff that you definitely could have done without.

Being the gracious and generous human I am, I've created a definitive guide, just for you, to navigate the sticky situations you might encounter during a night out at said hometown bar. You can thank me later. Good luck out there, my brave soldier. And remember it's never that serious — you'll be back at school in no time.

1. Pregame, pregame, pregame 

A very old and wise man named Chief Keef once said that he hates being sober. You must take this advice to heart tonight. You are going to see things beyond your wildest dreams, things that will make you wish you were born without eye sockets. You will need to harness the power of alcohol more than ever before. Use it as your armor. Use it as your guide. Use it so you won't have to walk into the bar, see everyone that went to your high school, spend 15 minutes hysterically having an asthma attack in the restroom, and leave immediately.

2. Avoid the high school seniors 

You're going to walk in and immediately wonder who let this establishment turn into a McDonald's Playplace. Yeah, I'd say it's a pretty universally awkward experience when you see the kids you used to babysit taking pulls of Skye and grinding on each other like the world is about to end. Keep it cool, though, and remember that this was once you and your friends, way back when. As a general rule of thumb, avoid anyone with braces.

3. Sometimes it's okay to lie 

"Wow, I didn't even realize I unfriended you on Facebook, must have been a total accident!" "You look amazing! I barely even noticed the meth teeth." "Yeah, I have a few internships lined up right now, it's just a matter of choosing." "I missed you! Let's get lunch sometime and catch up." "I swear, I never hooked up with your boyfriend sophomore year."

4. Don't go home with your old flame 

Want to know where you'll end up? I'll tell you. Hooking up with the person you lost your virginity to on your twin-sized mattress while your old Harry Styles posters watch in disappointment and your parents sleep in the next room over. Those walls are thin, Mamacita.

5. Keep it classy!

If you fall off a table, everyone and their mothers will know the next day. Remember that you simply can't get away with doing some of the stupid stuff that's acceptable at your Big Ten party school. Literally, just calm down, pace yourself, and strike up some good conversation with old buddies. Steer clear of the group of girls bawling in the corner of the bar about how much they missed each other. Don't be that person.

6. Honestly, just enjoy yourself 

If you're an anxious wreck like me (and you are, even if you're good at hiding it), I know that going back in time a few years can be a bit unappealing. Remember that you're spending the night out for a reason — and that's to have a great time! The friends from home you've kept over the years are true ones, and they love you. Even if you didn't have a high school experience from an 80s movie, remember that running into certain people isn't the end of the world. Everyone is in the same situation as you are.

7. Don't give your parents a heart attack, remember to come home at a reasonable time 

This isn't like back at school where you can pass out in a literal ditch at 8 p.m. and wake up to zero text messages. If you're still living under your parents' roof, you should probably have the decency to be a somewhat good child. Your parents do a lot for you. Don't forget about them!

When summer gets boring and you miss going out, you know where to go. Your hometown bar sucks, but it sucks in a bittersweet way in that it will always hold a special little place in your heart.

Seriously, though, next summer you should probably get a job.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

Nothing! There is no reason to feel guilty about food and nourishing your body. It's time to make peace with food and stop focusing on the "good" or "bad," "right" or "wrong" because food does not have power over you.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

I Sat Down With An Endocrinologist To Ask All My Questions About Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome

There are so many moving parts of hormonal health, so I went to an expert.

1583
Anjanette Tan

Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) is an autoimmune disease that impacts approximately 1 in 10 women. Any woman who has PCOS can attest to the fact that no two cases are the same — there are so many aspects of hormonal health that can impact a woman's reproductive health! For many, PCOS is a trial and error condition, with many doctors' appointments depending on the stage of life the woman is in.

This week I sat down with Dr. Anjanette Tan to get the expert opinion on all my PCOS questions. Dr. Tan is a board-certified endocrinology who's worked in private practices since 2004. She currently works at the Diabetes and Thyroid Center of Fort Worth, one of the largest all-endocrine practices in the area, where she is the managing partner and head of clinical research.

Keep Reading... Show less

- Since I can remember, I've always been a light sleeper, with the quietest sounds waking me up, and I regularly wake up with the sun.

- While talking to a gynecologist friend of mine, she mentioned the importance of using an eye mask for quality sleep, which regulates hormonal levels.

- I was serendipitously sent the Crane & Canopy Silk Sleep Mask almost right after that conversation and was honestly reluctant to try it after testing other sleep masks that felt uncomfortable and irritated my skin.

- This sleep mask was extremely comfortable, and for the first time in nearly a decade, I slept in far past when I usually do on the weekends and woke up feeling more refreshed than I can remember — I've worn it nearly every night since then.

The older I get, it seems that sleep becomes an increasingly important topic of conversation amongst my friends and me. Yes, of course we complain about how tired we always are, but the pattern seemed to be a lack of sleep on the weekdays followed by late nights and sleeping in on the weekends without any solution.

Keep Reading... Show less

As college students, sometimes life can be overwhelming. Four tests in a week and you only passed one of them? I feel that. Days like that, you just need time for yourself. A time where you're nice to yourself and put your own self-care before anything else.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

The Smile Project Just Launched An Ambassador Program, And I Can't Wait To Get Started

Looking to shift your perspective, be happier, or just get involved in something truly amazing? Look no further.

298

The Smile Project is a nonprofit organization devoted to spreading happiness, founded by Elizabeth Buechele. It all started on a random day in the fall of her senior year. She was driving home from school when this thought crossed her mind: "Day 1: Happiness is…those perfect car rides where the radio just plays all the right songs."

Keep Reading... Show less

I'll never forget the day that someone told me these words: "Madison, I think you're a good friend to everyone but yourself." I stood there completely in awe of that statement. Before that day, I never really thought about being a friend to myself, and at the time, I didn't really know what it meant. Now, I realize that you can't fully be there for other people unless you're there for yourself, too. You can't show up for others until you're willing to show up for yourself.

Here are five things everyone should learn in order to be a better friend to themselves. These steps are hard, but they're so worth it.

Keep Reading... Show less

It's no secret that social media can be harmful to our mental health. The barrage of heavily edited photos of Instagram models that we see every day only fuels our insecurities. There is a good side to social media, though. It allows us to keep up with friends and family across the globe. Plus, it provides a platform for mental health experts. Listed below are five therapists on Instagram who will fill your feed with motivational quotes and positive infographics.

Keep Reading... Show less
Netflix

Last week, Netflix released its original film "The Devil All the Time," based on the 2011 novel of the same name. Directed by Antonio Campos, the film boasts an all-star cast including Bill Skarsgard, Robert Pattinson, Riley Keough, and Tom Holland.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

In Honor of PCOS Awareness Month, I Researched 25 Things About The Autoimmune Disease

Ongoing research is further promoting the fact that engaging in a proper diet and exercise regimen can alleviate many symptoms!

824

Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS) is a common endocrine disorder that affects young women, especially those of reproductive age. Women with PCOS often exhibit symptoms ranging from increased levels of the male hormone androgen along with cysts in their ovaries. However, ongoing research is further promoting the fact that engaging in a proper diet and exercise regimen can alleviate many symptoms! Here are 25 things I found out about PCOS.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

To The Boy Who Said I Was 'Unlovable' Because Of My Back Rolls, My Body Is NOT A Problem

I realized I need to stop blaming myself for staying single. The problem wasn't me. It was you.

273
Photo by Artem Kovalev on Unsplash

I told you I was going to be okay if you said what was on your mind, but honestly, nothing could've prepared me for the words that came out of your mouth. After getting off of the phone with you, I burst into tears. Those words shattered my heart and continuously repeated in my head.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments