I am a freshman at the University of Delaware, and it’s been the craziest experience of my life. These past few months have taught me so much about myself and the world in general.

Growing up, I lived in a guarded town and I didn’t get to truly experience the outside world. Going into college, I thought I would get a taste of it, instead, I got a mouthful. Here’s what my experience has entailed and what I’ve learned from it.

Quest

I moved in early because I did this leadership program here at the University of Delaware called Quest, and it was the most amazing experience of my life. This 5-day pre-move in program taught me so much about everything, and I got close to a lot of people. This program teaches you how to be a leader, and requires you to challenge yourself in so many ways.

You challenge yourself emotionally, where you tell your life-defining moment to people you’ve known for two days, or you challenge yourself physically, where you do physical obstacle courses and face your fears. At least that’s what happened to me.

My peer mentor guided me through the whole week, and we’ve gotten closer since then. She helped me become vulnerable enough to share my life story and the true reasons for why I want to be a teacher to a group that I was scared to talk too at first. I trusted my peer mentor and group enough to not hurt me and backstab me with this.

I had only told that part of my story to my best friend from home, and I was shaking throughout that whole story. Thank you guys for not betraying my trust because for me giving anyone that level of trust is incredibly hard for me.

At the end of the whole week, we had a goal and we had a barrier. We did a lot of other things that were emotionally challenging, and I faced the challenge head-on, and I grew and changed a lot as a person within this week.

Something that was physically challenging was when I did this human swing, and these two girls in my group basically forced me to go and she told the guy to make drop a lot more than I wanted, and I had to face my fear of losing control. That swing was the most fun I’ve had in such a long time.

To those girls that made me go, thank you and I wish you guys nothing, but the best in life. You made me face my biggest fears, and I relinquish control more willingly because I know how fun it can be at times.

Do I always relinquish control? No, but I am learning how to do it more willingly.

Even today, I put Quest on a pedastol and it will always be my favorite memory of college. Who knows if in 4 years that will remain true, but only time could tell on that.

Beginning (August/September)

The beginning of college, I genuinely thrived. I have an always been an independent person, and I’ve always wanted to sort of be on my own. College was the place to do that, and at first, I had a great group of friends, I studied hard, got good grades, went on dates, and I began to find a groove.

I was discovering so much about myself that I never thought I would discover. In this month, I had some conflicts, but my peer mentor guided me through it and because of Quest, I was able to face these conflicts head-on. I knew I had the friend group from Quest, and the new friends I had made outside of that to be my support through these conflicts.

Middle (October)

My middle here was a bit rocky. That friend group I had outside of Quest, we began to drift apart. More specifically, I began to drift apart from them. They began to do things that I didn’t want to do, and I distanced myself from that.

I learned a lot about myself during this time, and I learned that I have limits and I need my alone time because my friend group was always in my room with my roommate, and I felt like I didn’t have space to myself. As a result, I felt like I was going to lose my roots, and I texted a lot of people from home.

I began to focus more on me, and I dove into things that I was passionate about. I focused on writing, the leadership program, and I began reaching out to people who I did Quest with, making dinner plans with them. My peer mentor and Quest group helped me focus on the positives and they didn’t let me lose my roots.

Overall, I began to get homesick, and I felt some deep lows during this time. I didn’t let these lows get to me and picked myself right back up.

End (November/December)

This was rocky for me. I didn’t go home before Thanksgiving Break. Since I left, I changed a lot as a person, and I was worried that I might not like home.

I began to miss everyone and everything, and I needed a reset button. I had a countdown of when I would go back home, and when I would go back to my high school. I packed my bags a week before, and I was ready to go.

That friend group and I were no longer friends, and I forced myself to make more friends. I can be a shy person if I am not comfortable with someone.

I have this shell and people have to crack it before I can openly talk to them. Once that shell is cracked and I feel like I am comfortable, I talk. I am a big talker, I think it’s a good thing, some people may think differently, but who cares?

I forced myself to become more comfortable around people, and I ended up making some more friends, and I reconnected with a lot of people from Quest. My peer mentor helped me a lot during this time.

Then I went home, and I didn’t want to come back. I love it here for the education, but I hate it here somedays for the social scene. It's party driven, and that scene gives me massive anxiety. I hate being around bigs group of people.

However, the biggest reason why I came back was that I wanted to go see my professors. I have the best professors this semester, and my Geology professor is the funniest and coolest dude alive. I see myself wanting these people to be my mentors, and I see myself growing as a future educator and as a person.

With this being said, I wasn’t really excited to see many of my friends. I can't confide in them like the way I do with my friends back home. I have this internal battle of whom I can trust here, right now it's maybe less than I want it to be.

Overall, I did not like my end of the semester with the stress of the social scene and education in general. Unless I was in class, I was counting down the days until I could go home and see my dogs again.

Reflection

College is crazy, and some lessons I've learned about it are:

First, friends in college are going to come and go. Especially during your first semester, don't think the first few friends you'll make are going to be your lifelong best friends. I made that mistake, and I got badly burnt as a result. I know that with my degree and an awesome career as a teacher, that it will be worth it.

In general, college isn't going to be just about the social scene (I know shocker,) it's going to be about the education. If you find what you're passionate in, you're going to meet like-minded people. I have, and those friendships for me are slowly forming.

Second, college is going to be stressful. Just know that at the end of the day, when you have that degree and you're doing something that you're passionate in, it will be worth it.

Third, try new things and have fun. The times I've tried new things led to me having my favorite memories so far. I am going to continue with this, and I will document on how the experience was for me someway or another.

Overall, college is the hardest transition that I’ve ever been through. I’ve learned so much about myself and the world, and I am excited to see what’s to come.

With this being said, this first semester I’ve experienced a rollercoaster of emotions. Where the highs were the highest of highs, and the lows were the lowest of lows. I am still trying to find my best friend who I can confide in here, and I know someday I will.