On Black Friday, when we're all beginning to transition from Thanksgiving to Christmas season, there are thousands upon thousands of events marking the occasion.

From tree lightings to outdoor light shows to the opening of ice rinks and Christmas shops. All of these events are innocent fun for friends and family and mark the beginning of the Christmas season. However, while I attended the Indianapolis Circle of Lights in downtown Indianapolis on Black Friday, I realized it was hard for me to focus on the lighting itself.

The event boasts more than 100,000 attendees and it did not disappoint. I went with my aunt, uncle, two cousins, mom, sister, and my boyfriend. When we got to the event, Monument Circle, the center of Indianapolis, was hopping with a massive amount of people.

People were packed in like sardines and trying to push through the large crowds meant a lack of any personal space. But that wasn't the problem. I loved the large crowds. People coming together to watch a few seconds of Christmas lights lighting up and some fireworks all in the name of Christmas spirit is a totally beautiful thing. However, what kept me from fully enjoying it all was fear.

Fear that if terrorist attacks like the attack in Las Vegas, the church massacre in Sutherland Springs, and the Orlando nightclub massacre could happen in those places, it could happen here too.

When our group split up so that a few of us could run to Rocket Fizz, on the other side of the densely packed circle, I felt the fear grow stronger. Being separated from my mom and aunt and uncle, if something were to happen, how would I get back to her? How would I make sure she's safe? How would I protect those who were with me? Where would be good places to escape if something happened?

Maybe it's because I have anxiety, but I had this panic that anything could happen at any moment. I hate that terror has weaved its way so deep into our world that I can't attend an event without it crossing my mind. I hate that no matter the level of safety an event has, there will always be the thought that something bad could happen. I hate how frequent these mass attacks have become and how it starts a conversation that fades quickly without action.

What I guess I'm trying to say here is that events with large crowds will always give me anxiety now. And in a perfect world, they wouldn't. While we can't create a perfect world what we can do is not let the conversation fade until something is done to make us all feel safer.