This Is What You Need To Do To Let Go

You Have To 'Hold On' In Order To 'Let Go'

Here's how to rethink "letting go" and "moving forward" in your life.

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"It doesn't take a lot of strength to hang on. It takes a lot of strength to let go." - Henry Ford

Think of yourself as anchored in some deep part of the ocean; the weight keeps you held in place or fixated on an event, person, failure, dream, idea, etc. You are chained to this anchor, a crucial part of your mind, and everything revolves around that anchor as you try to navigate the ocean. In order to move forward in life, it is impossible to simply "let go" of that weight and let yourself flounder away with the direction of the waves. You'll have to gain the strength to finally haul up that anchor and ground yourself elsewhere. This is the hardest part: to experience the full force of that weight on yourself so that you can move forward.

For example, you may have experienced a breakup recently and it's hard to get that person off your mind. You think of them all the time: what you could have done differently, the good and bad memories, whether you should contact them, how you can stay in their life, etc. You can try to ignore them and simply "let go," whatever that really means to you, but you're still weighed down and revolving around them. Even if you meet new people it can seem impossible to reach them because you're still stuck in place, that other person is still at the back of your mind.

You'll have to allow yourself to experience the pain, the disappointment, the anger, the confusion - all of the difficult emotions - to become stronger than the weight that tries to keep you down. There has to be a better place you want to arrive at to truly motivate yourself to take the right steps to get there. It's hard to leave the hell you know for whatever other hell may lie in those unknown waters, we want to be able to have some inkling of a better place.

If you want to "let go," you have to "hold onto" the new or the hopeful. You may want to be better at your field of expertise, you may want to focus on deeper connections with people, you may want to go to graduate school, declutter your life, experience more fun, get a new job, etc. Whatever it is, you have to have some idea of where you want to go. Though specific plans for the future seldom turn out how you predict, they're absolutely necessary to move you forward to better and more exciting places in life.

To draw from personal experience, I had always wanted a dog--and I thought about adopting one for a couple of years before I did. After a relationship ended with someone who was important to me, I was able to move forward by fully processing what had happened and what I need in the future: the love and companionship that my golden doodle Masha was able to provide, and I am so grateful that my experiences with him have led me to this point. In a million years I would never have been able to predict that course of events, but that didn't change what I really need to feel happy and well in life. Figuring that out gave me the strength to hold onto the new and propel me into a multitude of other wonderful places where I've ended up.

"Letting go" of ___ and "moving on" from _____ are anchored in the undesirable. Re-anchor yourself in the desirable by, in turn, grabbing hold of the new.

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The Truth About Young Marriage

Different doesn't mean wrong.
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When I was a kid, I had an exact picture in my mind of what my life was going to look like. I was definitely not the kind of girl who would get married young, before the age of 25, at least.

And let me tell you, I was just as judgmental as that sentence sounds.

I could not wrap my head around people making life-long commitments before they even had an established life. It’s not my fault that I thought this way, because the majority opinion about young marriage in today’s society is not a supportive one. Over the years, it has become the norm to put off marriage until you have an education and an established career. Basically, this means you put off marriage until you learn how to be an adult, instead of using marriage as a foundation to launch into adulthood.

When young couples get married, people will assume that you are having a baby, and they will say that you’re throwing your life away — it’s inevitable.

It’s safe to say that my perspective changed once I signed my marriage certificate at the age of 18. Although marriage is not always easy and getting married at such a young age definitely sets you up for some extra challenges, there is something to be said about entering into marriage and adulthood at the same time.

SEE ALSO: Finding A Husband In College

Getting married young does not mean giving up your dreams. It means having someone dream your dreams with you. When you get lost along the way, and your dreams and goals seem out of reach, it’s having someone there to point you in the right direction and show you the way back. Despite what people are going to tell you, it definitely doesn’t mean that you are going to miss out on all the experiences life has to offer. It simply means that you get to share all of these great adventures with the person you love most in the world.

And trust me, there is nothing better than that. It doesn’t mean that you are already grown up, it means that you have someone to grow with.

You have someone to stick with you through anything from college classes and changing bodies to negative bank account balances.

You have someone to sit on your used furniture with and talk about what you want to do and who you want to be someday.

Then, when someday comes, you get to look back on all of that and realize what a blessing it is to watch someone grow. Even after just one year of marriage, I look back and I am incredibly proud of my husband. I’m proud of the person he has become, and I’m proud of what we have accomplished together. I can’t wait to see what the rest of our lives have in store for us.

“You can drive at 16, go to war at 18, drink at 21, and retire at 65. So who can say what age you have to be to find your one true love?" — One Tree Hill
Cover Image Credit: Sara Donnelli Photography

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If Shonda Can Do A Year Of Yes, Then So Can I

Yes.

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A few years ago, Shonda Rimes decided to do a year of saying yes, after her sister told her she says "No" to everything. It ended up changing her life.

So, I've decided to embark on my own year of yes.

Sure, it may be easy to say yes to everything when you're a millionaire with a bunch of record-setting televisions shows, but the rest of us can do it too.

Say yes to treating yourself.

Say yes to taking care of yourself.

Say yes to saying no, don't stretch yourself too thin.

Say yes to new opportunities

The year of yes is about taking better care of yourself.

My year of yes starts right now.

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