The College of Charleston has been my dream school for as long as I can remember. When I came here, I was the happiest I’ve ever been.
The sun, the warmth, the freedom, the countless number of friends that I was meeting everywhere I seemed to go and just everything about college I absolutely adored. I was getting good grades and making tons of friends along the way. I even met a boy.
Everything was perfect. I was in love with life. I worked so hard in high school to get to this point in my life and I was just so proud of myself and so content with who I was. Even after my first semester I was living large, over winter break i reconnected with an old friend from high school and had the time of my life. I was living my best life!
But second semester came around and something changed. School got harder. My unhealthy living situation continued into the second half of the school year.
Days seemed to get longer. My friend group split apart for unknown reasons and on top of that, I had my first heartbreak. All of this happening at the same time made me go into a downward spiral. You would have never guessed it because social media makes everything look peachy-keen all of the time.
My parents didn’t even know because when they called I never had the guts to tell them what was really going on. But I was alone. I suddenly went from living my best life to sitting in my common room with a plate full of chicken nuggets and Adele blasting in the background, tissues everywhere. I was so upset, frustrated, and unhappy with every aspect of my life I started to isolate myself from my friends. I missed one of my best friend’s birthday dinner simply because I could not get myself to stop being so emotional. That caused me to even feel more alone. I was a hot mess, and nobody but my suitemates knew it.
My decision-making skills were so off it came to the point where a close friend had to tell me that they were disappointed in me. When I heard those words come out of her mouth, I was crushed. I’ve never had someone tell me that they were disappointed in me.
In fact, I’ve never disappointed myself. I was disappointed in myself and who I’ve become, and this was an eye-opening experience. I realized that I have to stop being this person that I’ve become and start being the girl who I used to be. I hit rock bottom, and I can only go up from here. I need to go up, and move on with my life. So what can I do?
The first thing I did was get more involved on campus. I joined a sorority, Best decision I've ever made. I went into it not knowing anyone, not even knowing what Phi Mu was all about. But the more I talked to people in it and the more research I did about their philanthropy, the more I wanted to join.
Well, I joined, and slowly but surely I can happily say that I am finding my people. I am realizing that the people I hung out with first semester weren’t really my people, and the more involved I get with Phi Mu the more I realize how much of a perfect fit it is for me.
The second thing I did was move out. Although extremely hard at first, (if you know me you know that I am extremely close with my suitemates), due to other circumstances it’s something I knew I had to do in order for me to feel better. I moved out and just saying those words makes me feel so much better.
The third thing I did was let this boy go. I spent all of this time and energy on this one boy first semester and although I am thankful for all of the memories, it never went anywhere and quite frankly it was a big waste of my time. Don’t get me wrong, he’s an amazing person and anybody would be lucky to have him in their life, but we wanted two different things at the time and it just wasn't going to work out. And accepting the fact that it was not going anywhere was hard. But I had to let go.
Although it has only been a few days since doing those three things, I already feel so refreshed and ready for this new start. I know I can’t move out everytime something bad happens, but I also know through hitting rock bottom that sometimes I just need to put myself first. I need to put my happiness before others, even if that means moving out or cutting ties with a special someone.