January 5, 2018

I'm so happy that Eli and I are giving this couple's therapy thing a try. While I was waiting in the dentist office, I was reading an issue of "People" and apparently Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie tried it so I thought why not? Granted, they did get divorced, but that's not the point.

While I was drinking my post-workout spirulina, spinach smoothie (urgh, I seriously love it, the green color just makes me feel so healthy!) I was searching Google for the best therapists near me and that's how I was able to find Dr. Coleman. She was named physician of the year in a ton of fancy medical magazines, so I had full confidence that she was going to be fantastic. Eli thinks I'm naive for believing almost everything I read in magazines but what can I say? I like to believe.

Speaking of Eli, I would be lying if I said I wasn't completely shocked that he agreed to participate in therapy. He hates this kind of stuff. He hates most couple activities I suggest: hiking, yoga, amusement parks, pottery, painting, Italian-Scottish fusion cooking classes. It's just not in his personality to like this kind of stuff, I guess. He does, however, always agrees to try it once, and that alone makes me pretty happy. I thought he would have completely objected to therapy, though. But here we are!

We've had a couple sessions so far and it seems to be going well. During our first meeting with her, she made us write down all of the things our partner does that "rubs us the wrong way." Apparently, it's the small things that tend to blow up into full-on screaming matches, and I can personally vouch for that statement. Last week, we had a huge fight because I forgot to wipe up water that I spilled and Eli freaked out because of how much money we spent on getting our hardwood floors redone. Then, one argument turned into two and two turned into seven, and pretty soon, we were digging up past, unresolved arguments that happened three years ago. A couple hours of not talking to one another passed and we made up in the way we always do: by forgetting that the argument ever happened in the first place. Is it the most effective way of resolving conflict? Probably not. Is it the least resistant? Absolutely.

Anyways, my list was limited to pretty basic stuff:
1. Doesn't run dishes under water.
2. Leaves socks everywhere.
3. Doesn't put the toilet seat down after peeing.
4. Puts toilet paper on stand hanging forward instead of backward.

I could have added more stuff to the list, but I didn't want Dr. Coleman to think we were that super-dysfunctional couple, (well, more dysfunctional than a couple needs to be to schedule sessions with a therapist) so I kept it pretty short. Besides, all of these things didn't really annoy me too much. Before turning in my paper, I snuck a sneak peek at Eli's list:

1. Doesn't clean her hair out of the drain after taking a shower.
2. Only listens to disco music.
3. Tries to convince me to try crazy things like bungee jumping, skydiving, paragliding, and underwater boxing.
4. Blanket. Hog.
5. Reorganizes my drawers by color... then next week by style... then next week by designer.
6. Asks to have a movie night but doesn't have a movie to watch in mind.
7. Replaces my potato chips with pita and kale chips.
8. Wants me to spend more time with her heinous mother.
9. Tries to hide spirulina in all my meals.
10. Makes me attend couples therapy.

Well then.

-Abigail