Jim bit her lip. He could taste a hint of the rustiness on his tongue. He looked at her in the mirror, she was beautiful. And yet she was trapped. He wracked his mind to free her but found none. And so, he continued to stare at her in the mirror.
Maybe, if he tried to look like her, he could free her. No, that would be hard.
Maybe, if he looked a little like her she would be that much freer. That would be a start.
Okay, that was what he was going to do. One step at a time, small steps, tiny steps to untangle her, tinier steps to her freedom.
He and Racheal are seated on opposite ends of the couch of his living room. His mom had taken his sister shopping, leaving the house to themselves. Listening to music and peering into their own laptops, Racheal goes on and on about Michael. Michael this, Michael that. Cute, smart, and tall were just a few words he heard as he kept looking at one of those how to wear eye-liner videos on YouTube.
Kicking his feet, are you even listening to me? She says as she twirls her brown hair, her big black eyes trying to catch his. Oh yeah, yeah, Michael is perfect, I get it. He says, without taking his eyes off the laptop. Not perfect, but good enough for me to…., she goes on. He doesn’t lift his head until he hears the word doctor. That’s great Rach, go for it. I’m sure he’ll say yes, as he shuts his laptop and reaches out to lower the volume on his iPod. Looking at her he starts,
So, Rach, I have something I need to run by you.
Run it, dude.
What if I said I don’t feel like myself?
Are you sick? Is Renetta not taking care of you again.
No! What? No. Mom does fine. I’m fine.
Then why did you say you’re sick?
I didn’t say I’m sick. I said I don’t feel like myself.
Ah! You mean figuring out life stuff.
Yes.
Well, what classes do you like? Don’t say basketball…
What? You’re not listening to me. I’m going to business school, I know that. What I meant..
Hey! That’s great. Why didn’t you tell me sooner?
No..No… That’s not what I’m saying.
Okay man, I’m lost here. What are you trying to say?
Okay okay. I’m me, but not me on the inside.
Okay, you’re worrying me here. What do you mean?
I mean, I’m a boy on the outside…
But?
But not a boy on the inside.
Silence.
Racheal stares at him for a bit. The realization and its implications hit her all at once.
Okay. Umm. Okay.
I just wanted you to know. I mean I wanted you to know.
Yeah. Of course, I’m not weirded out or anything, it’s just that I was..umm..not prepared for this kind of news. I don’t know… She gets up to get a Dr. Pepper from the fridge.
Racheal is gone. No one’s home. He sits staring at himself in the black of the TV. He’s confused, but he smiles. He’s not alone anymore, she is with him.
Okay, Okay. Two things. One, I apologize for the way I reacted that day. I was just bulldozed by all that realization. Which brings me to my second point, I just realized that I now have a best friend with whom I could share more than my worries and hopes and boys blah blah. I can now share everything, I mean everything with you. And oh, you’re in for a roller-coaster ride. You haven’t had sharing and unraveling like this let me tell you.
Racheal barges into his room saying this box full of knick-knacks like lipstick, eye-liner, mascara, scrunchies, clips, trashy magazines, books as she empties it onto his bed, talking in one breath.
He hugs her. I’m just glad you know.
Me too, she hugs him tighter as she jumps on to his bed.
So, what are you going to do about this? She continues as she pulls her hair into ponytail, adjusting her baggy shirt on her small frame.
What do you mean? He looks at each item on his bed with careful scrutiny.
Like, how do you want to handle this? I think you should tell Miss Tate….
Whoa! Whoa! Hold on there. I just told you. I’m not ready to tell anyone yet, more like never. And who knows, this could just be a phase.
Racheal looks at him incredulously. A phase? A phase. That’s your explanation for this?
Yeah. Maybe I’ll grow out of this. It’s just a feeling, Rach.
A feeling? Okay stop. Just stop. You were clearly not there when my best friend told me three days ago that he was transsexual.
Transsexual? What? No. No. No… He jumps out of his bed, pushing all the stuff on his bed to the floor.
Yeah dude. What did you think it was?
I told you, I don’t feel like myself. I’m sure it will pass.
Fine. Think what you want. You’ll get there. Time is what you need.