She Let Herself Go

She Let Herself Go

She let herself go discover who she is and is having the time of her life.
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He wondered how she'd take it when he said goodbye...

When it first happened, she took it hard - incredibly hard. She cried at anything that reminded her of him.

She cried when a song they used to sing along to while riding in the car came on.

She felt her chest tighten up when she saw a vehicle that looked like his.

She blamed herself for everything that happened.

She hung her head down thinking that nothing would ever be the same again because not only had she lost her best friend but the person who made such a big impression in her life.

She prayed desperate prayers to God, hoping that he would grant her a wish just this one time.

God heard her prayers but he realized that there was something better that he could bless her with and did.

God blessed her with the strength to stop blaming herself for a decision that she couldn't control. He blessed her the strength to see that she was worthy of better. And, most importantly, he blessed her with the strength and confidence to finally put herself out there and let herself go.

By letting herself go, she finally was able think and do what would make her happy rather than do what was expected of her in order to make someone else happy. When she let herself go, she learned how to do new things. She made new friends. She worked at bettering herself both physically and emotionally. She regained her smile and began to laugh again, only this time, it wasn't fake and forced, it was real. And, perhaps the biggest blessing of all is that she finally discovered how to be genuinely happy on her own without the presence of another person.

It's taken a long time for her to get to this point, but the funny thing is, is that the point she is at now isn't the final destination of her self-discovery. This journey is far from over, but looking back on where she came from compared to where she is now, everything has changed.However, this time, the change was for the better. Because she finally let herself go, she is far happier and far stronger than she was previously and if she's being honest, ever thought she could be. No one can ever take the happiness that she has discovered because this was something she found on her own without any man and that is a huge accomplishment.

So, when he wonders how she took it when he said goodbye, she took it as a chance to finally let herself go. She took this time to focus on herself and what makes her happy. For now, focusing on herself and her own happiness is all that she needs. When she sees him again, she doesn't cry or wish for the past. Instead, she says thank you. Thank you for forcing her to finally be selfish and think of herself first. One day, she will get tired of discovering things about herself and want to discover the intricacies of another person. When that time comes, she will slowly but surely fall head over heels again. But that day isn't today. Today is all about her and there's nothing wrong with that.


Cover Image Credit: Pixabay

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To The Parent Who Chose Addiction

Thank you for giving me a stronger bond with our family.

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When I was younger I resented you, I hated every ounce of you, and I used to question why God would give me a parent like you. Not now. Now I see the beauty and the blessings behind having an addict for a parent. If you're reading this, it isn't meant to hurt you, but rather to thank you.

Thank you for choosing your addiction over me.

Throughout my life, you have always chosen the addiction over my programs, my swim meets or even a simple movie night. You joke about it now or act as if I never questioned if you would wake up the next morning from your pill and alcohol-induced sleep, but I thank you for this. I thank you because I gained a relationship with God. The amount of time I spent praying for you strengthened our relationship in ways I could never explain.

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Thank you for giving me a stronger bond with our family.

The amount of hurt and disappointment our family has gone through has brought us closer together. I have a relationship with Nanny and Pop that would never be as strong as it is today if you had been in the picture from day one. That in itself is a blessing.

Thank you for showing me how to love.

From your absence, I have learned how to love unconditionally. I want you to know that even though you weren't here, I love you most of all. No matter the amount of heartbreak, tears, and pain I've felt, you will always be my greatest love.

Thank you for making me strong.

Thank you for leaving and for showing me how to be independent. From you, I have learned that I do not need anyone else to prove to me that I am worthy of being loved. From you, I have learned that life is always hard, but you shouldn't give into the things that make you feel good for a short while, but should search for the real happiness in life.

Most of all, thank you for showing me how to turn my hurt into motivation.

I have learned that the cycle of addiction is not something that will continue into my life. You have hurt me more than anyone, but through that hurt, I have pushed myself to become the best version of myself.

Thank you for choosing the addiction over me because you've made me stronger, wiser, and loving than I ever could've been before.

Cover Image Credit: http://crashingintolove.tumblr.com/post/62246881826/pieffysessanta-tumblr-com

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To The Big-Hearted Girls Who Just Can't Hit The Block Button

Your compassion for others knows no bounds, and that's why you can't seem to let them go.

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Not everyone is worthy of your good heart.

It might be hard to accept that, but it's true. The ones that don't deserve your attention and your care always out themselves. Maybe they take advantage of your kindness, maybe they use you for your love, or maybe they hurt you because they envy some aspect of you or your life. Whatever the case may be, I know you feel the pain from it. I know you are not naive enough to believe that they don't mean the hurtful things they say or that the awful things they put you through are only mere accidents.

Your problem is that you have too big of a heart. You love giving second chances and when they screw that chance up as well, you just can't help yourself from giving them a third, a fourth, or a fifth. Far too easily you are swept up in this cycle of forgiving and forgetting, only to have it blow up in your face time and time again.

You know better.

How many times have you sworn you wouldn't help them again, that it was the last time you'd speak to them, only to snatch up your phone the second you see their name pop up across the screen? How often have you cried over someone who only wanted to be a part of your life when they needed something from you?

Stop giving your all to people that don't care.

Trust me, I know it's easier said than done. It's a difficult habit to break, but once you do you are completely and utterly free from the toxicity. If you're looking for a sign to block that boy who has done nothing but break your heart, or if you were waiting for your cue to finally end that friendship that does nothing but make you feel small, here it is.

Unfortunately, not everyone is going to treat you with the love and respect that you so freely give. Most of the time the people that treat you like crap are just crappy people. It's not your responsibility to save every troubled soul, and you've probably learned by now that not all of them want to be saved.

There's nothing wrong with looking for the good in people, but when they start to drain you of your light you need to have the strength to let them go.

To the girls gifted with hearts too sensitive and ready to burst with compassion, it's OK to cut ties with those who hurt you time and time again. It doesn't mean you've stooped to their level; it doesn't mean you're a bad person. You tried your hardest, but toxic people rarely change their ways. You don't deserve that kind of pain.

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