Here's Why You Should Unfollow That Sh*tty Ex

Here's Why You Should Unfollow That Sh*tty Ex

...or anyone who isn't a part of your life anymore.
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1,061. That is the current number of followers that watch my life through the use of Instagram. One thousand and sixty-one people. These followers can span from people who watched me grow into the person I am today - my favorite fourth-grade teacher, my second cousin from Maine, the girl from ballet classes who I have just recently gotten back into contact.

Then there are the people who are relatively new additions to my life. These new characters that contribute to the plot-line (and my follower count on social media platforms) can range from my best friend whom I met my senior year of high school, guy friends I met through my other guy friends, or that one girl I met in the bathroom on last Friday night who said I had on a cute skirt and insisted we exchange usernames.

If you dig hard enough, you can find just about anyone. But you know who you won’t find?

I’ll give you a hint: It’s the same person my one friend, whom we’ll call Charlotte, should have unfollowed. Charlotte sat across from me in a coffee shop where she told me she was struggling with being bombarded by 140-characters-of-her-ex’s-life-without-her. She was constantly hitting refresh on status updates, twitter likes, Instagram posts and finding herself pray in the entangled web of a heartbreak that is full of torturous pain and pictures of his new girlfriend.

When she sat there with her hands on the window of her ex’s life I had clear and concise advice: Close it. “How would that look to him? Isn’t that just a symbol of defeat?” she asked me, hands still glued to the phone. “No,” I said to her. And I told her that because I meant it.

Devouring your exes every musing is the defeat. Obsessively clicking through the tagged photos of them is the loss. Wondering how he or she will react if you unfriend or block them is a type of unconscious hold they shouldn’t have on you because they aren’t the ones physically holding you anymore. The relationship has ended. The social media friendship must go as well.

In order to get over someone, you must resist the urge to check up on them. It’s painstaking at first. I won’t undermine how difficult this can be. When I had to learn this rule myself, my mother told tales of a utopian world where you’d only see your ex if you accidentally bumped into him at the mall.

And you’d do what all of us would do. You’d go home and cry. You would be hurt. And you would binge eat a lot Reese's peanut butter cups. But the ghost you caught sight of while on the hunt for a new pair of jeans? He didn’t have the ability to follow you around.

I don’t unfollow people who aren’t in my life anymore as a petty revenge in the psychodrama of my life. I don’t do it to prove my anger or my distaste. I do it because I simply do not want to have a front row seat to the showcasing of their life without me.

It’s a type of self-preservation that can only be seen when you aren't seeing their face on your feed anymore. After all, it's been obstructing the view of your life happier, healthier life without them.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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30 Things Guys Wish Girls Knew

Things a best male friend would tell you.
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1. The sexy, crazy fun girl doesn’t always win the guy.
Yes, we are attracted to the fun party girls that never settle down, but at the end of the day, we can’t bring those girls home to meet our moms. Every guy is looking for the sweet, beautiful and down-to-earth girl that makes us laugh, keeps us grounded and believes in us. We want a girl that we can talk to about more than just how many shots we can take before we blackout. Guys want to date a Megan Fox and marry an Emma Watson.

2. Men are not mind readers.

3. Sunday sports are like the sun rising in the East and setting in the West. It's a fact of life, and you've just got to let it be.

4. When a game is on, please only talk during commercials.

5. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions, so neither do we.

6. Ask for what you want.
Let me be really clear about this one. Whether the hint is subtle or obvious, we're probably not going to get what you're trying to say. So, just tell us what you want.

7. Anything said a week ago becomes null and void and cannot be brought up in an argument again.

8. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how to do it. Not both.

9. We only see about 16 colors.
For example, the term "peach" is a fruit, not a color.

10. If we ask what’s wrong, and you reply, "Nothing," we will act as if nothing is wrong.
We probably know that you’re lying, but it’s not worth the fight.

11. You have enough of my fraternity shirts.
Don’t keep asking for more, and don’t just take them. You have to earn them.

12. Stop telling me to make you my #WCW.
Everyone gets annoyed with the couples that make each other their #MCM or #WCW every week; we will not be that couple.

13. It’s not attractive to hear you talk bad about other girls.
I know you don’t like one of your sisters because she stole your Big-Little shirt idea, but keep that talk for your sisters, not us.

14. Being smart is very attractive.
We want a girl that can read a book and carry on a good conversation.

15. Allow me to open the door for you.
Don’t let chivalry die. I know you’re 100 percent capable of opening the door yourself, but see it as a nice gesture. It’s something our dad taught us to do.

16. I’m going to try and fix your problems.
Don’t vent to me if you don’t want me to try and fix what’s going on. That’s what guys do.

17. Don’t take my fries.
I’m a growing man, and I need my food but will gladly take whatever you don’t eat.

18. Don’t be dramatic.
Guys don’t like girls that are crazy about drama, plain and simple. If you enjoy the attention that getting jealous gets you, you will not get my attention.

19. Don’t say you miss me after an hour or a day.
That’s when you begin to edge into the "clingy" zone.

20. It’s okay to compliment us.
We like when you tell us we look good. We will just never say that out loud.

21. But don’t call us "pretty" or "beautiful."
This is not "Twilight," we do not sparkle, and we are not "pretty".

22. “I’m not looking for a relationship” can sometimes be directly translated to "You’re great, but we’re just not ready to be tied down quite yet."

23. We’re all on that college budget.
So know that we would like to give you the world, but can only afford the dollar menu sometimes.

24. If my friends don’t approve of you, then odds are we won't be able to date.
The same sentiment goes for my family.

25. I will smile, but not 100 times.
I’ll take pictures because you want to, but if I’m being honest, you’re going to look just as good in the first one as you will in 100th one you force someone to take.

26. We don’t always have to be doing something.
We can enjoy Netflix and a large pizza.

27. You have too many shoes.

28. You have enough clothes.

29. Don't ask a question that you don't want an answer to.

30. We are in shape. Round IS a shape.

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To The Girl Who Overthinks And Loves Too Deeply, Protect Yourself Now

Don't be fooled by rose colored vision, take your glasses off and see people for who they are.

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Dedicated to the girls who overthink everything and love too deeply, you're not crazy he is.

The Beginning:

I want to tell you a short story about an even longer story of an awesome girl, who is so cool, so fun, lit AF, lights up a room with her personality and a boy who, well, is a jerk — and always was one.

You know those rose-colored glasses? Well, I'm a victim of rose-color vision. Be warned: If you have fallen victim to the perception that someone is better than they actually are, this story is for you

It started because he reminded me of something that I knew, reminded me of home and I was really comfortable. I tried not to get too attached, but the more we hung out, the more I couldn't help it. I started telling him everything I hated about myself, all of my dreams, and he did the same.

I felt a genuine connection, and not in a romantic way, but a relationship that I truly trusted and protected to the end. As the year went on, it got harder for me. I didn't like how I felt all the time. I was confused and then let down and confused and then let down again. A continuing cycle that was never benefiting me, but I didn't acknowledge it. I wasn't sure if I was taking the signs wrong or overthinking things. But I truly felt something was there.

So, one day, after a lot of thinking and, you know, "girl talk," I said, "Fuck it he's going to say yes based on our past." So I told him how I felt. But before, I told myself if it was good it was good and if it went bad then I know I have to accept it and move on. It didn't go as excepted but I still saw him in my life. So I tried, and with good faith, but things just got messy and I once again was feeling confused.

Along with feeling confused, I started to feel and BE convenient – and convenient sucks when you really like this kid. I was easy (and not in that way because I know you're thinking that). I was the girl that picked up on the first ring whenever he called or texted, and would bend over backward just to do anything with him or for him. I hate that part of me, but it's true.

The Final Straw:

For my 21st birthday, I decided I wanted to go out. I should've remembered that alcohol and this boy don't mix well. From what started as a good night ended terribly. I was warned not to do this and despite better judgment and proven history, I went along. On my birthday I was left at the bar by him. He wasn't alone when he went home. I went into the bathroom with those rose colored glasses but I came out of the bathroom and my vision went back to normal. To me, that felt like the end of the world (of course me being so dramatic). So, I sat on the side of the road and cried my eyes out and cursed his name.

The Lesson:

At that moment I just kind of thought, what the fuck? WHY did I let this happen to me. Those who are close to me and those who aren't so, know I get defensive very fast but I don't think they realize that I love very hard too. I'm naïve to the people that tend to hurt me the hardest while I continue to let them hurt me. It's safe to say I talk the talk but I don't walk the walk. Now, I'm not telling this story out of pity, I just want to say that, even if somebody doesn't think they owe you anything, well, they're lying. I'm not telling you the whole cliché of forgetting people and letting them go and leaving them out in the dirt (or the side of the road for that fact lol). Just know that people deserve common decency. That's all. You may never love them as much as they love you, but you should respect what they're feeling.

I am embarrassed by what happened that night, but it's one of those times that God put in my life to teach me a lesson. So here's the lesson, kids, if everybody around is warning you about somebody having bad intentions, do yourself a favor and take off those rose-colored glasses before you (and your heart) get left at a bar.

Cover Image Credit:

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