Here's Why You Should Unfollow That Sh*tty Ex

Here's Why You Should Unfollow That Sh*tty Ex

...or anyone who isn't a part of your life anymore.

1,061. That is the current number of followers that watch my life through the use of Instagram. One thousand and sixty-one people. These followers can span from people who watched me grow into the person I am today - my favorite fourth-grade teacher, my second cousin from Maine, the girl from ballet classes who I have just recently gotten back into contact.

Then there are the people who are relatively new additions to my life. These new characters that contribute to the plot-line (and my follower count on social media platforms) can range from my best friend whom I met my senior year of high school, guy friends I met through my other guy friends, or that one girl I met in the bathroom on last Friday night who said I had on a cute skirt and insisted we exchange usernames.

If you dig hard enough, you can find just about anyone. But you know who you won’t find?

I’ll give you a hint: It’s the same person my one friend, whom we’ll call Charlotte, should have unfollowed. Charlotte sat across from me in a coffee shop where she told me she was struggling with being bombarded by 140-characters-of-her-ex’s-life-without-her. She was constantly hitting refresh on status updates, twitter likes, Instagram posts and finding herself pray in the entangled web of a heartbreak that is full of torturous pain and pictures of his new girlfriend.

When she sat there with her hands on the window of her ex’s life I had clear and concise advice: Close it. “How would that look to him? Isn’t that just a symbol of defeat?” she asked me, hands still glued to the phone. “No,” I said to her. And I told her that because I meant it.

Devouring your exes every musing is the defeat. Obsessively clicking through the tagged photos of them is the loss. Wondering how he or she will react if you unfriend or block them is a type of unconscious hold they shouldn’t have on you because they aren’t the ones physically holding you anymore. The relationship has ended. The social media friendship must go as well.

In order to get over someone, you must resist the urge to check up on them. It’s painstaking at first. I won’t undermine how difficult this can be. When I had to learn this rule myself, my mother told tales of a utopian world where you’d only see your ex if you accidentally bumped into him at the mall.

And you’d do what all of us would do. You’d go home and cry. You would be hurt. And you would binge eat a lot Reese's peanut butter cups. But the ghost you caught sight of while on the hunt for a new pair of jeans? He didn’t have the ability to follow you around.

I don’t unfollow people who aren’t in my life anymore as a petty revenge in the psychodrama of my life. I don’t do it to prove my anger or my distaste. I do it because I simply do not want to have a front row seat to the showcasing of their life without me.

It’s a type of self-preservation that can only be seen when you aren't seeing their face on your feed anymore. After all, it's been obstructing the view of your life happier, healthier life without them.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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My Poem To You

this is the "love letter" I never got to send in the mail... enjoy

You played a vital role in my destruction,

you did things and said things without even thinking of the repercussions.

You played the part

of the man that broke my heart.

For so long I gave you standing ovations and begged for an encore...

but not anymore.

After second and third and fourth chances,

I started paying attention to the glances

from bystanders in public, when you would throw your fits.

From my friends and my family, who all begged me to quit.

So I tried to get through to you... but when I asked you to hear me out,

you made me think that I was crazy for having some doubt.

You told me "Things will change," and reminded me of the guy I once knew,

so I stayed- just one more time- in hopes that you would come through.

But you didn't. You went right back to throwing commands of what I could and could not do,

making me feel as though I would be nothing without you.

So now I know, I had valid reason for feeling the way that I did,

because you didn't love me- even thought that's what you said.

Because when you love someone, you don't rip their heart to shreds,

and make the dark emotions their newly found warm bed.

You deserve to feel exactly what I felt,

and then maybe- just maybe- your heart of ice will melt.

Because once you feel pain, once you feel hurt,

emotions- the good ones- become your saving grace... almost like a church.

Believe me my darling, you were a dream, but oh- you were a nightmare.

You taught me that it's not the closets or under the bed that we should fear...

because monsters hiding in humans are not so rare.

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31 Apologies You Wish Your Ex Had Given You

I'm sorry I never licked your butthole.

People fall in and out of love and, as many of us know, love hurts. Love's magical, mystical, and mysterious ways haunt us, and, unfortunately, love can leave unforgivable scars. However, with time pain ends and one can mature from the learned love. Any type of closure, however, is not possible without apologies. So here are 31 "I'm sorries" you need to hear from your ex, whether male or female.

1. I'm sorry I never fully appreciated you.

Some never really appreciate what you have until you no longer have it.

2. I'm sorry I disappeared.

I just thought that maybe it was just a phase.

3. I'm sorry I hung on even when I knew it was over.

I just thought that maybe it was just a phase.

4. I'm sorry I made a fool out of you.

I never meant to, but I guess I played you and you haven't realized until now.

5. I'm sorry I watched **insert show of choice** without you.

You know, some relationships just aren't strong enough.

6. I'm sorry I never respected your family and friends.

Listen to what your friends and family have to say. They are your outside observers.

7. I'm sorry I never stood up for you.

Although you can stand up for yourself, I know I should have been there to support you.

8. I'm sorry I'm not the one for you.

I broke my promises.

9. I'm sorry I ever yelled at you.

Everything happens for a reason.

10. I'm sorry I never trusted you.

I thought you were lying with every word, but it falls on me as I never thought I deserved those words.

11. I'm sorry I never licked your butthole.

I knew you inside and out and, I swear, I loved you, but there was no way I could avoid hurting you

16. I'm sorry I turned my back on you.

I should've known better. I should've stopped before it started.

17. I'm sorry I did what I did.

I should've known better. I should've stopped before it started.

18. I'm sorry you felt alone when we were together.

It was a one-sided relationship.

19. I'm sorry I didn't treat you right.

You deserve better, but I can't be your better.

20. I'm sorry I manipulated you.

Minds have a funny way of being twisted.

21. I'm sorry I never really tried.

You begged and I just turned a blind eye.

22. I'm sorry I got overwhelmed.

It all happened so quickly.

23. I'm sorry I lied.

I thought it would be better to lie, but each lie began to pile up on top of one another.

24. I'm sorry I made a mistake.

I can't deny my past mistakes.

25. I'm sorry I didn't love you as much as you loved me.

You can't help that kind of thing.

26. I'm sorry I was scared to let you go.

But I can't keep holding on.

27. I'm sorry I can't turn back time.

I wouldn't change it all.

28. I'm sorry I was indecisive.

Who am I to say what's right or wrong?

29. I'm sorry I blamed it all on you.

It's both of our faults since it takes two to tango.

30. I'm sorry I was an idiot.

People do stupid things. It's a positive occurrence when one realizes that he/she did something stupid.

31. I'm sorry it took me this long to say, "I'm sorry".

Better late than never.

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