Here's Why You Should Unfollow That Sh*tty Ex

Here's Why You Should Unfollow That Sh*tty Ex

...or anyone who isn't a part of your life anymore.
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1,061. That is the current number of followers that watch my life through the use of Instagram. One thousand and sixty-one people. These followers can span from people who watched me grow into the person I am today - my favorite fourth-grade teacher, my second cousin from Maine, the girl from ballet classes who I have just recently gotten back into contact.

Then there are the people who are relatively new additions to my life. These new characters that contribute to the plot-line (and my follower count on social media platforms) can range from my best friend whom I met my senior year of high school, guy friends I met through my other guy friends, or that one girl I met in the bathroom on last Friday night who said I had on a cute skirt and insisted we exchange usernames.

If you dig hard enough, you can find just about anyone. But you know who you won’t find?

I’ll give you a hint: It’s the same person my one friend, whom we’ll call Charlotte, should have unfollowed. Charlotte sat across from me in a coffee shop where she told me she was struggling with being bombarded by 140-characters-of-her-ex’s-life-without-her. She was constantly hitting refresh on status updates, twitter likes, Instagram posts and finding herself pray in the entangled web of a heartbreak that is full of torturous pain and pictures of his new girlfriend.

When she sat there with her hands on the window of her ex’s life I had clear and concise advice: Close it. “How would that look to him? Isn’t that just a symbol of defeat?” she asked me, hands still glued to the phone. “No,” I said to her. And I told her that because I meant it.

Devouring your exes every musing is the defeat. Obsessively clicking through the tagged photos of them is the loss. Wondering how he or she will react if you unfriend or block them is a type of unconscious hold they shouldn’t have on you because they aren’t the ones physically holding you anymore. The relationship has ended. The social media friendship must go as well.

In order to get over someone, you must resist the urge to check up on them. It’s painstaking at first. I won’t undermine how difficult this can be. When I had to learn this rule myself, my mother told tales of a utopian world where you’d only see your ex if you accidentally bumped into him at the mall.

And you’d do what all of us would do. You’d go home and cry. You would be hurt. And you would binge eat a lot Reese's peanut butter cups. But the ghost you caught sight of while on the hunt for a new pair of jeans? He didn’t have the ability to follow you around.

I don’t unfollow people who aren’t in my life anymore as a petty revenge in the psychodrama of my life. I don’t do it to prove my anger or my distaste. I do it because I simply do not want to have a front row seat to the showcasing of their life without me.

It’s a type of self-preservation that can only be seen when you aren't seeing their face on your feed anymore. After all, it's been obstructing the view of your life happier, healthier life without them.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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Cole And Sav LaBrant Give Me Hope That Our Generation Isn't Defined By Hookup Culture

Let's make "dating" a trend again.

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In case you haven't heard, Savannah and Cole's relationship is literally #goals.

From how they met to the way they kept Jesus in the center of everything they did, their relationship shows us that not all guys (and girls) just want to "hook up" or have a one night stand.

Being in college, it can be very hard to distance yourself from hookup culture because almost everyone participates in it in some way. This can mean meeting a random guy at a frat party and then going home with him that night, or it can mean sending a "You up?" text at 2 in the morning with only one intention in mind.

We, as a generation, don't date anymore.

A boy doesn't ask a girl (in person) to go to dinner and a movie anymore. If they are to do it, it's done over text and is totally impersonal. If a boy picks up a girl from their house, they honk the car horn instead of ring the doorbell.

But, some people still follow these few simple rules of dating. Some men choose to look nice for a date, bring the girl flowers, and only has the intention of getting to know the girl better, instead of only wanting to have sex with her by the end of the night.

So, boys, take the hint from Cole LaBrant.

Pursue that girl (or guy), even if she lives on the other side of the country. Put the relationship into God's hands, and He will guide you in the right direction.

The Bible also tells us to stay pure in our relationships until marriage.

For many, it can be very hard to keep this commitment to purity because everyone around us is saying to do the exact opposite.

1 Corinthians 6:18-20 says, "Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins inside their own body. Do you not know your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore, honor God with your bodies."

This verse does not condemn us for what we have done in the past. If you've had sex in the past, know that it is okay.

Even if you knew Jesus at the time, know that it is okay, because we serve a God of forgiveness and love. He knows that we are not perfect humans and that we are bound to mess up from time to time. So, do not judge yourself or others for what you have done in the past. The only thing you can do is to move forward with your eyes on Jesus.

Cole and Savannah have been very open about the ups and downs of their relationship on their YouTube channel, and also in their new book. They realize their relationship isn't perfect, and it gives us hope that our relationships don't need to be picture perfect either. If you slip up in your relationship, talk through it in open honesty, and move forward.

Image Credit: Cole and Savannah LaBrant on YouTube

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It's Okay To Fall Out Of Love, Even Though It May Hurt

It's hard to decide whether to keep going or end things.

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When you've been dating someone for a while, things can start to get boring and stale. When this happens, you need to ask yourself if it's just a bump in your relationship or if it's because you've actually fallen out of love.

It's normal for relationships to get stale and boring after a while. Every relationship has its ups and downs. Many people get to the downs of a relationship and decide to call quits to it. I've definitely been one of those people. I have gotten bored of a guy and decided to dump him, but they weren't long relationships. They were only a couple months.

When you get to the one-year mark in a relationship, things will most likely get boring. You've been with the same person, there's not really anything new to learn about the person, and you may fight more than you did at the beginning. All those things are normal for a relationship, but sometimes you may wonder if it's just a bump in the road or if you're actually falling out of love with them.

My one friend has been with this guy for a year. She spent so much time fighting for him and eventually got him. Recently, they've had some troubles and he's been distant. She caught him cheating and things don't feel the same. She doesn't know if they're just going through the motions or if she's falling out of love with him. He's been in her life for a long time, so she doesn't know if she doesn't want to lose him because she's used to him being around or if she still wants to be with him.

I mean, I get that.

If you've had someone in your life for a long time, you're scared to lose them and the memories. The truth is, if you lost them, the memories would stay with you, just like if you kept them in your life. Losing someone you're so close to and has been in your life for so long will change a lot and you'll hurt for a while, but you can't keep someone in your life just because of the memories you share, especially if they're hurting you by being in your life.

Letting them go will give you so much clarity. If someone is continuously hurting you by being in your life, they're toxic to you, and it can be just as toxic for them to stay in your life if you're sitting here, wondering if you can find better.

The truth of the matter is, you can definitely find someone better, someone that won't hurt you time after time. It's okay to fall out of love with someone you've had in your life for years. It's okay to cut someone toxic out of your life because, in the end, you'll be doing both of yourselves a favor.

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