Here's Why You Should Unfollow That Sh*tty Ex

Here's Why You Should Unfollow That Sh*tty Ex

...or anyone who isn't a part of your life anymore.

1,061. That is the current number of followers that watch my life through the use of Instagram. One thousand and sixty-one people. These followers can span from people who watched me grow into the person I am today - my favorite fourth-grade teacher, my second cousin from Maine, the girl from ballet classes who I have just recently gotten back into contact.

Then there are the people who are relatively new additions to my life. These new characters that contribute to the plot-line (and my follower count on social media platforms) can range from my best friend whom I met my senior year of high school, guy friends I met through my other guy friends, or that one girl I met in the bathroom on last Friday night who said I had on a cute skirt and insisted we exchange usernames.

If you dig hard enough, you can find just about anyone. But you know who you won’t find?

I’ll give you a hint: It’s the same person my one friend, whom we’ll call Charlotte, should have unfollowed. Charlotte sat across from me in a coffee shop where she told me she was struggling with being bombarded by 140-characters-of-her-ex’s-life-without-her. She was constantly hitting refresh on status updates, twitter likes, Instagram posts and finding herself pray in the entangled web of a heartbreak that is full of torturous pain and pictures of his new girlfriend.

When she sat there with her hands on the window of her ex’s life I had clear and concise advice: Close it. “How would that look to him? Isn’t that just a symbol of defeat?” she asked me, hands still glued to the phone. “No,” I said to her. And I told her that because I meant it.

Devouring your exes every musing is the defeat. Obsessively clicking through the tagged photos of them is the loss. Wondering how he or she will react if you unfriend or block them is a type of unconscious hold they shouldn’t have on you because they aren’t the ones physically holding you anymore. The relationship has ended. The social media friendship must go as well.

In order to get over someone, you must resist the urge to check up on them. It’s painstaking at first. I won’t undermine how difficult this can be. When I had to learn this rule myself, my mother told tales of a utopian world where you’d only see your ex if you accidentally bumped into him at the mall.

And you’d do what all of us would do. You’d go home and cry. You would be hurt. And you would binge eat a lot Reese's peanut butter cups. But the ghost you caught sight of while on the hunt for a new pair of jeans? He didn’t have the ability to follow you around.

I don’t unfollow people who aren’t in my life anymore as a petty revenge in the psychodrama of my life. I don’t do it to prove my anger or my distaste. I do it because I simply do not want to have a front row seat to the showcasing of their life without me.

It’s a type of self-preservation that can only be seen when you aren't seeing their face on your feed anymore. After all, it's been obstructing the view of your life happier, healthier life without them.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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Sorry Not Sorry, My Parents Paid For My Coachella Trip

No haters are going to bring me down.

With Coachella officially over, lives can go back to normal and we can all relive Beyonce’s performance online for years to come. Or, if you were like me and actually there, you can replay the experience in your mind for the rest of your life, holding dear to the memories of an epic weekend and a cultural experience like no other on the planet.

And I want to be clear about the Beyonce show: it really was that good.

But with any big event beloved by many, there will always be the haters on the other side. The #nochella’s, the haters of all things ‘Chella fashion. And let me just say this, the flower headbands aren’t cultural appropriation, they’re simply items of clothing used to express the stylistic tendency of a fashion-forward event.

Because yes, the music, and sure, the art, but so much of what Coachella is, really, is about the fashion and what you and your friends are wearing. It's supposed to be fun, not political! Anyway, back to the main point of this.

One of the biggest things people love to hate on about Coachella is the fact that many of the attendees have their tickets bought for them by their parents.

Sorry? It’s not my fault that my parents have enough money to buy their daughter and her friends the gift of going to one of the most amazing melting pots of all things weird and beautiful. It’s not my fault about your life, and it’s none of your business about mine.

All my life, I’ve dealt with people commenting on me, mostly liking, but there are always a few that seem upset about the way I live my life.

One time, I was riding my dolphin out in Turks and Cacaos, (“riding” is the act of holding onto their fin as they swim and you sort of glide next to them. It’s a beautiful, transformative experience between human and animal and I really think, when I looked in my dolphin’s eye, that we made a connection that will last forever) and someone I knew threw shade my way for getting to do it.

Don’t make me be the bad guy.

I felt shame for years after my 16th birthday, where my parents got me an Escalade. People at school made fun of me (especially after I drove into a ditch...oops!) and said I didn’t deserve the things I got in life.

I can think of a lot of people who probably don't deserve the things in life that they get, but you don't hear me hating on them (that's why we vote, people). Well, I’m sick of being made to feel guilty about the luxuries I’m given, because they’ve made me who I am, and I love me.

I’m a good person.

I’m not going to let the Coachella haters bring me down anymore. Did my parents buy my ticket and VIP housing? Yes. Am I sorry about that? Absolutely not.

Sorry, not sorry!

Cover Image Credit: Kaycie Allen

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Falling In Love After Heartbreak IS Possible, Keep Your Heart Open

Something so scary yet exciting, here's all about my personal experience with falling in love after healing from heartbreak.

Falling in love after having your heart broken time and time again has got to be the most terrifying, exciting, crazy thing to happen. While I can only speak from personal experience, I hope this article resonates with at least one person or promises hope to others that heartbreak isn't the end of the world.

About 7 months ago, my world was turned upside down when the guy I was dating cheated on me.

My heart was absolutely shattered and I didn't think I'd ever get over it. I know, I know, such a naive and childish thing to thing, but I'd say that's pretty typical. Any teenager who has their heart broken by someone they love has a melodramatic breakdown and thinks the world is crumbling down around them for a while.

At the time, I truly believed I would never heal. I ached every day, my heart physically hurt. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, I totally isolated myself from everyone and everything around me. Eventually, I started to feel better- and then one day, it just clicked. I realized that the boy I was missing so much was the guy I had met nearly a year before and the guy who cheated on me and broke my heart was completely different.

The boy I missed wasn't the physical boy who hurt me - it was the idea of him I had in my mind that I had fabricated and polished so well in the absence of him.

The idea I made up of him in my head was a perfect, ideal version of him— the way he seemed when we first met, before I ever imagined he'd do me harm.

The day that I realized I wasn't in love with him but rather than this perfect idea of him was the start of a new beginning.

It's been months since this has happened. Time has gone on, seasons have changed, and I've healed. I started living my life the way I wanted, making tons of friends, going out, and even flirting around again. I sort of accepted that maybe love wasn't for me or maybe I just wasn't meant to find someone perfect for me for a long, long time. Until the perfect guy stumbled into my life at the craziest and most unexpected time - and the rest was history.

From the moment I met him, he swept me off my feet. He's got words that could keep me listening until the end of time - the way he speaks has the cadence of my favorite song. He's intelligent, kind, selfless, and incredibly handsome, both inside and out. Before I knew it, I realized I was falling in love again. My first thoughts were "holy shit," and "oh my God" and "oh my GOD, what am I doing?"… you get the gist.

I was wholeheartedly ready for this kid to break my heart.

Eventually, we ended up becoming a couple and here we are still together today! We haven't been together long, but time really doesn't define feelings. I'm the happiest I've been in a LONG time. He pushes me to strive for greater things. He believes in me and in my goals and aspirations. He makes me laugh my head off and he's so good at cheering me up when I'm down.

I could talk forever about him, but all I'm going to say is that he's the dream guy I never knew I wanted or needed, but now he's here and I can't imagine life without him.

To those who are dealing with a broken heart right now or think they don't have someone out there who's going to love them for them— I promise, it'll come. When you least expect it, when you start to have doubts, it'll come and it'll sweep you off your feet.

If anyone ever needs anyone to talk to, I'm here to listen. Your heart is resilient— it'll be broken time and time again most likely. And when "the one" comes along and puts all the broken pieces back together and makes your heart feel fuller than ever before, you'll know.

Keep your heart open, love infinitely, and believe in the good things coming.

Cover Image Credit: @jordanleedooley

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