I live my life with the idea that everything happens for a reason. Some things have happened that sucked when they were happening, but looking back at it, I do not regret anything that has happened, because everything that has happened has been a learning point and I needed them. So now, I am going to share a couple of things that I learned throughout my 20 years living that I think can help other people.
Knowing Your Worth
I feel like this is something that everyone talks about. But it is something that cannot be stressed enough. I think that everyone is worth so much more than they notice (yes, even those people that you may not like). Confidence has never been my strong suit. I think that almost my entire life I have lived thinking that I am not worthy of a lot of things and that I am not good enough. As hard as it was to break that thought process, I am finally on the right track. I know that I am amazing and special, I know that I deserve the world. And so do you, you are an amazing, talented, and beautiful human who deserves to find happiness and conquer the world. So go out there and do so.
There are a couple of different things that I have tried doing to feel better. One is that I stopped comparing myself to others. I mean yea, I definitely catch myself still doing it, but not as often and when I do, I stop myself quickly. Everyone is different and if you keep thinking you have to be exactly like all those celebrities, you are just going to run yourself exhausted. It is not worth it. So always remember your worth, because I can promise you, you are worth more than you could ever imagine.
Something else I do is write a self-love note on my mirror. That way if I catch myself looking at my reflection negatively, I can look at my little message and remember that I am better than that and try to push myself to think positively.
It's Okay to not be Okay
There are plenty of times in my life where I was not happy. I struggled a lot with different things that I went through and just was not that pleasant or happy to be around. Growing up as the first child, (and other factors) lead to me feeling as if I could not express my emotions to other people and that I had to deal with any of my problems on my own. I spent years and years with that mentality, I do not think it stopped until I got to college and found a genuine and caring friend group that supports me. So now, I know it is okay to be upset and need help.
I feel as if I wasted a lot of time in the mindset that it was me versus the world. But now I know that it is not the case. This kind of goes into my other points, but surrounding yourself with true friends and people who care about you is a big part of not being okay. Life gets hard, crying is very normal and there is no issue with it. If you are not feeling the best, take time to figure out what is causing this feeling. If you just let it bottle up, there are going to be small things that add on to your emotions that should not be affecting you. So, find the source of your emotions, then work with it. Figure out how to either take that and make it a positive thing or work to get rid of that upsetting thing. Do not expect it to disappear quickly, things take time.
Be Smart With Your Trust
I do not know about you, but I think that trust is a very important thing. It makes up almost everything within friendships and any relationship. Without trust, you are not able to share important life moments, feelings, or really anything. That cheesy quote about trust taking years to build but only seconds to break? Yea, I believe that 100%.
Over the years, I have had multiple people that I give my trust to and then down the line feel betrayed and that the trust is broken. It then leads to it being harder to trust other people cause all you can think is that new people will come in and break it again. Or at least that is the mindset I have. That is why I say it is important to be careful with your trust. I do not mean not to trust people at all, then you will be all alone and that is the opposite of what anyone wants. Give people a little bit of trust at a time. For instance, when you first meet someone, I do not think it is a good idea to spill everything about your life to them, you should tell them basic things to begin with, then as time goes on give them more and more information. It is a way that I can make sure that people will not just run away with important parts of you. Be willing and open to trusting people, but still be cautious with how much you trust people throughout time.
Lean on Your Friends
Friends are important parts of your life. At least in my life, they are. They are the ones who see me cry, laugh, smile, pout, or whatever emotion I am feeling the most. They also help me to be who I am. Without my friends, I do not think I would be where I am today. No, I know I would not be where I am today.
All through middle and high school I do not feel as if I truly had many friends. Well, I did, but looking back on it I do not feel as if I was overly close with them and I was that friend who felt pushed to the side a majority of the time. But in college, I have found a group of friends that really do care about me and do not push me off to the side. They are there for me in every situation and help me to feel better and more confident.
It is a process, but slowly I have been able to be somewhat dependent on my friends. I do not mean completely dependent, I am able to do things on my own and not worry about needing them for everything. There are definitely points where having friends really helps and being able to lean on them for whatever it maybe is a great feeling. It is a process and can take time to find those true friendships, but once you have them, you will know and you will fight to keep that friendship alive and well.
Focus More on the Positive
Most of my life, when I look back and think about my mindset, is in the darker parts of my life. I spent a lot of time thinking about the bad things that happened and try to read too far into those things which would lead to more issues of their own. It was always my mindset, and it was a terrible one. This year, I realized what I was doing and how much it affected me. So, I started looking at life differently, trying to focus more on the happy things that I have done and how those help me to be better.
An old friend gave me a bouquet of sunflowers and roses for my birthday along with a vase to keep them in. Once the flowers died, I did not know what to do with the vase. So one day when I was painting different things, I decided to paint the vase and make it more unique. In doing so, I thought of the idea to write happy memories on little papers and put them in the vase. I would write the event and date, then fold up the paper and throw it into my vase. Then, at the end of the year, I am going to look through it and be able to remember all the fun things that happened this year. I am obsessed with doing this because it helps me to look for the good things that happen in my days. A bonus is that I want to fill my vase with the multi-colored papers to add some more color and uniqueness to my life (aka my room). Which in the end, helps me to focus on the happy parts of my life and overall just be in a better mood.
This one is one that I still struggle with on a regular basis it feels. It is also something that can be present in people that are really not toxic at all. It can just be a relationship. Toxicity usually occurs as people being negative towards others, always having arguments, hurting someone's image, and more. People may not notice, but they may be toxic towards someone because they feel as if the person is being toxic with them. Even the kindest person can be put in a situation where they are toxic to someone, it just happens.
It is important to realize it earlier on rather than later. Because the later on that it is realized, the more harm can be done. When in that sort of relationship, there is not much to do but leave that relationship. In my own experience, the people are good people and do not mean to cause harm to anyone, but it is just the way that the different personalities clash. So distancing the relationship is the best way to make everyone involved happier down the line.
As I mentioned, you could be the nicest person on this planet and still get sucked into a relationship where you and the other person are toxic for each other. It is not really fair, it is just the way that things work out. So if you ever feel that sort of emotional tole, it is best to talk to that person and just let go of the relationship so you and the other person can go on and be happier in your life.
Everything Happens for a Reason
As I said at the beginning of the article, I think that everything happens for a reason. There have been a lot of times in my life where I hate whatever is happening. I feel like I am all alone and there is nothing to do to make the situation better. But, if I was given the chance to rid those situations from my life and live without them, I would say no. At the moment, those situations suck. But after they happen, you realize how much of a learning point those things are. If it were not for those darker points in my life, I do not think I would be able to say I have grown or that I understand parts of the world better. I feel like I would still be in my old mindset of not caring for anything and never having a voice. But now I have a voice, and I use it more.
Life can be difficult, there is no way around that. I feel that we, as humans, focus more on all the negative things that happen in life which leads to the sadness and darker emotions that we face on a day-to-day basis. My entire idea with this article is to not only help others but to also remind myself that it is important to focus on the happier parts of life and not live in the dark. Go out and be adventurous and create happy and fun memories. Once you have figured out how to switch your mindset, life will become more enjoyable and you will see more confidence in yourself and everything around you.