It’s been over a year. Over a year since you were so involved with someone else that you began to lose yourself. A year since someone else’s thoughts and problems were partially yours. A year since you loved someone else so entirely to a fault that you forgot how to love yourself.
In reality, a year isn’t long. It’s a milestone to be dating someone for a year, but what about being single for a year? After the initial shock, fear, and devastation begins to subside, you realize you have much to look forward to. You recognized that life could be better, it could be happier. This year you were able to find yourself, and more importantly, you were able to love yourself. You realized being alone doesn’t make you lonely. You understood that getting coffee by yourself isn’t painful. Not to discredit relationships, but you’ve realized that wrong ones are far lonelier than being on your own. You grew up. You found new love, new interests, new hobbies, and new friends to make your heart full. You found confidence and self-reliance.
All of this seems so positive but it wasn’t an easy process to get here. There is no guide on how to handle heartbreak. It is subjective. There's no overnight fix. You wonder why, you want what you had back, you feel defeated. A good few days’… weeks… months are spent with your heart completely shattered. You wonder who you are and what you will become. You feel that part of your identity is lost. There’s an empty space that seems to take eternity to fill. You cry on your bathroom floor, you cry yourself to sleep, you cry when a song comes on the radio, you cry just because. But you let that out and because of that you are here. You think that someone could never fill this void you have until you realize you’re no longer empty. You begin to find happiness. You put that negative energy into something positive; you put it into yourself.
The next months are full of healing. With healing comes friends, parties, guys. Yes, guys. A topic you aren’t necessarily thrilled about. It’s uncomfortable, awkward… it’s bittersweet. You’re rewriting the next chapter of your story. Your friends are quick to hook you up with the hot guy whose hobbies include drinking and, well… drinking. Nights are filled with inebriated guys with clumsily smooth lines. Lines that make you gag. This is important because you realize even further how happy you are to be alone and you see what you won’t settle for. This process repeats more times than you could ever count. It becomes exhausting. But one day your friend meets someone and you realize it isn’t completely insane to think you could find someone yourself.
You look back on your past relationship and you begin to understand why things didn’t and couldn’t work out. You erase all of the “what ifs.” You’ve grown and because of that you are able to realize that you can love someone but you can also let go of them. You aren’t so self-absorbed to think you never needed them; you know you did. People come and go as you need them to and you are thankful for that.
You begin to miss the things a relationship held. Not in a way that you need them, but in a way that you want them. You miss having someone to tell your happiest moments to, someone to go on adventures with, someone to hold you when all you can do is cry, someone to watch crappy movies with, someone to hold your hand. You’ve had time to understand your flaws and to see your strengths. You begin to get excited about the possibility of some sort of permanence. You’ve weeded through the guys with bad intentions and alcohol-ridden breath. You understand there are guys out there who want you for the night. You’ve learned to laugh at them because you are worth so much more than that. You see more clearly what you want. You’ve taken knowledge from the past and what you’ve gained over your time alone. You’re ready to love again. Your past chapter has finally closed and your heart has opened.
Do not let your past relationship define who you are today. Let it make you smarter, but do not let it break you. Everything happens for a purpose and by now you know that. The purpose is to gain knowledge and to use it positively. Listen to your intuition and understand that mistakes are okay. Guys that take you on dates exist. Good guys exist. Love is not something to be forced; it enters your life unexpectedly. So, carry on with your days, work hard, wear dark lipstick, and go try that new coffee shop. But don’t be afraid to talk to the cute guy in line next to you. You never know.