I was having such a bad case of writer's block this week.

I kept starting articles, then losing interest along the way. As all writers know, this is common. Today I went to mass, and inspiration struck me in the first reading, which was the story of Samuel. I probably looked like a fool racing to take out my notebook in the middle of mass to write down these thoughts that jumped into my head, but it felt like God was willing me to do it -- to share this message with everyone I could.

In the middle of the night, Samuel hears his name being called, and keeps thinking that it's his teacher, Eli, calling out for help with something. Eli continuously says it isn't him calling. The final time this occurs, Eli tells Samuel that it's the Lord calling him, and he should say "Speak Lord, your servant hears," next time. Depending on the version you read, this leads to the famous verse, "Speak Lord, your servant is listening," or "Here I am, Lord. Send me. (Isaiah 6:8)"

I've loved this Bible story since I was a child. I even have a tattoo that says "Send me" on the back of my heels as a reminder that every step I take should be for God. The idea of following the Lord with no doubts, no questions is what I long to be able to do. Blind faith is my ultimate goal. It's hard in this world, however, to go without answers to the many questions we have. Why does all this bad happen? Where is God in all of this?

Recently, I've been playing a game of hide and seek with God. Sometimes, I can't feel Him with me, and it's hard to remember that even if I can't feel it, He is. I need to remember that even in the smallest instances, He does not let me down, even if I get an answer I don't want from Him.

A testament to this message came up for me just a week or two ago. I had been living with a host family in Ireland in a house that was super far from my university, which was not an ideal situation for me as I often have late rehearsals and events at school. Walking home an hour every night in the dark was somewhat terrifying, even with a flashlight. It discouraged me from doing a lot of fun things with my friends that I otherwise would be able to do. Either way, I had a roof over my head and a bed to sleep in at night, so I put up with the situation.

When I returned home from Christmas break a little over a week ago, I received a message from the mother of my host family that they were moving, so I needed to move out of the house by the end of January. Panic set in. I was in the midst of some really tough exams, and on top of that I had to start house hunting immediately.

Talk about being stressed out. I sent messages to my friends asking them to keep an eye out for me, and my family and I prayed hard that I would be able to find a home quickly so that I could rid myself of this stress. My dad told me not to worry. He said God was already looking for a lovely house for me and that He would be taking care of me. I prayed and used this verse. I said, "Here I am, Lord. I need your help. Please show me where you are in this mess."

Just a day or two after I received that notice to move out and that text from my dad, my friend sent me a flyer about a room available. Not only was the room cheaper than my previous one, but it was only a five minute walk from school. Talk about a Godsend. I immediately called the land lady and asked if I could come view the house. I went the next day to see it, and was blown away by how lovely it was, and how perfect the situation would be for me. I told her that I would love to take the room if she would let me, and she said, "I'd love to have you take it."

On my way out the door and at the end of the phone call I had with the woman, she said, "God bless you, Aubrey." I wanted to cry. What I really had heard in those words was, "Here I am, Aubrey. Look no further. I'm with you every step of the way." God provided for me. He gave me something even better than what I had before, even though I had questioned where He was in the midst of all this stress I'd been enduring.

These past few weeks have been crazy for me. Now, more than ever, I know God is with me in every little occurrence in my life, especially the rough ones. He knows me by name, knows what I need, and seeks out the best solutions possible for me. He surrounds me with loving people who look out for my well-being, and says "Here I am" every day through these little acts of love. We are not alone in these hardships. If you are struggling to find God in your life, keep looking. I promise you that He is there, watching and doing all He can to help give us the holy life He wants for us.

God bless you all. Thank you for reading my testament. Please share with friends and family who might need a little bit of a boost in their journey of faith.