Growing up, I wanted to teach myself disciplinary measures. I'm still growing up and still try to follow through on the same intellect. Most of my life, I've had tremendous help and support from my family, enough to jump-start the beginning of my adulthood. But more recently, I've come to the conclusion that even if I do need the help of someone else in order to support myself completely, I turn it down.

I'm usually unaware of how unhealthy it can be to refuse help from friends and family at the moment because I want to be able to conquer anything that comes at me on my own. I feel as if once I'm completely dependent on myself, I'll need to know what to do in a crisis and when I don't necessarily have anyone to run to for it.


Photo by nikko macaspac


The thing is most of my friends, family, loved ones and even coworkers/managers have tried to tell me that there will always be things that I can't handle all on my own. Whether that comes to finances, physical labor, mental state and well-being, anything you can put into your mind that would remind you to reach out for help in order to do. Despite the number of times I've had this explained to me, I still refuse to think that I need to ask for help when I firmly believe that I can handle the situation on my own.

I refuse any helping hands, advise or thoughts because I have a ton of pride in my mind and body that I can handle anything. I want to stress though that this isn't a decent trait to have when there is clearly a situation where help is needed and is offered, but isn't accepted because of how prideful I can get. It's not a matter of me wanting to swing my ponytail and say "watch me" while strutting away. This is all a matter of me wanting to keep my problems to myself and not put them onto other people in order to stress them out. I don't want to stress out more people than need to be. I can't be the only one who feels this way…


Photo by Sarah Cervantes


I don't mind explaining my issues to those close to me, but my problem is getting advice back from them about it and taking it into consideration or better: using it. Getting feedback is often not my biggest problem when venting to someone, but more so if they offer to help me out or to steer me in the right direction themselves instead of offering advice for me to take. Venting is always okay by me since it can let me or someone else get off what's on my/their chests. It's not the healthiest coping mechanism and isn't the resolution, but it does help, sort of like aloe one a sunburn.

One lesson I'm still trying to teach to myself is that I needn't always turn my nose up to things that clearly cannot be handled by myself alone. If I need someone's guidance or assistance in a situation, there's nothing wrong with asking for it. The worst thing I'll ever get told is no. If someone is coming to me in order to help me and is offering something to me, I also should understand that I can accept it and not always feel obligated to owe them something in the end.


Photo by Ben White


Feeling as if I need to pay someone back or owe them on the next big thing is a massive weakness I can't get rid of. Telling myself that I don't always need to owe someone back for something that they say is on them is a statement I need to repeat to myself often.

For anyone who also faces these issues of constantly feeling like a bother, a nuisance, or like you owe someone for something that they've helped you with, stop overthinking it all. Rationalize it in a good headspace and don't feel pressured by anyone or anything. It will all work out in the end after all.


Photo by Tim Marshall