Hello, You're Beautiful And Important

Hello, You're Beautiful And Important

I don’t have a single reason not to love who I am.
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I think I hold myself back sometimes. I hold myself back when it comes to getting what I want or achieving my goals. I don’t think I’m good enough or smart enough. Many people do this — self doubt eats at confidence and you become unhappy with yourself. I also let people take advantage of me in small ways, like not paying me back for the pizza I bought and we all ate or not saying how I feel when someone hurts my feelings. I don’t think this is okay and I want to be less like this. A girl I met at the beginning of college used to tell me, “you’re a college b*tch now, you don’t have to take anyone’s sh*t.” This is true and I should’ve never took anyone’s sh*t.

There are many times when I think back to friendships I’ve had where I didn’t stand up for myself. At the time, I didn’t think it was a matter of my confidence. I still really don’t know if it is. I do know one thing — the older you get, the less bullsh*t you put up with. Confidence is a process and I don’t think I will wake up one day and just be one hundred percent happy with myself, but, right now, I am trying.

My family always showed me love no matter what, even when I went through those angsty years (when my family was uncool and everything my parents had to say I had a counterargument for). My mom’s friends always talk about how great I am, my friends are always complimenting me and there are times where I feel like I’m the coolest gal ever. I want to know every person I meet and I love talking to people. One of my professors called me Miss Personality, but I still struggle sometimes when I have to give a presentation in front of an entire class. There are so many times where I take a step back from the struggles of everyday life and I think about loving myself and being confident in who I am — and I realize that I don’t have a single reason not to love who I am. Feeling happy with yourself and your life is a journey, but I’m thankful for all the people in my life who love me no matter what. Self doubt holds you back. We are all just people trying to make it through a crazy life (and it’s probably cheesy), but no matter what you believe in, having hope and believing in yourself can make the rough times so much happier.
Cover Image Credit: Lindsey Ocock

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What Everyone With Diabetes Wishes You Knew

I wish people knew that it is a constant battle.
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I do my best to keep my story positive. I am a positive person day in and day out, but I can’t help but wish that people knew certain things about my disease without me having to teach them or without me having to help them understand. Although I love educating others, it begins to feel as though no one around me wants to hear it.

When I have a few bad days, I want to hide. I want to scream at my body. I want to throw it away. I ask myself, “Why? Why did this happen to me?”

But then I stop and remember that it happened to me because I can handle it and because I was meant to teach others about it.

I wish people could see the battle that I am fighting, some days more than others.

I wish people could see the numbers that follow me around all day.

I wish people could feel a high blood sugar.

I wish people could feel a low blood sugar (hypoglycemics don’t count).

SEE ALSO: 15 Different Reactions You Get When You Have Type One Diabetes

I wish people could see me struggling to solve this disease.

I wish people knew that my diabetes is not someone else’s diabetes.

I wish people knew that Type 1 Diabetes is not Type 2 Diabetes.

I wish people knew that thousands of people are struggling with this disease around the world and some of them don’t have the resources to survive.

I wish people knew how invasive this disease is between the finger pricks, the pump sites, the sensor sites and the syringe holes left in my body.

I wish people knew that I can eat that cookie.

I wish people knew that I can eat two cookies if my heart desires it.

I wish people knew that I am constantly thinking about my blood sugar.

I wish people knew that I can’t go anywhere without a glucometer, insulin, and glucose tablets.

I wish people knew that diabetes can cause a lot of other problems in my body.

I wish people knew that this disease isn’t as easy as it looks. It’s more than just pushing buttons and testing my blood sugar.

I wish people knew that I have to consider every single piece of food that goes into my mouth and how it might affect me later.

I wish people knew that diabetes affects my sleep.

I wish people knew that sometimes I don’t feel like fighting my body.

I wish people knew that certain foods can really really hurt me for a few hours.

I wish people knew that my life is a little different than theirs, but that I wear it well.

I wish friends could understand.

I wish family would try harder to.

I wish people knew that my disease is life-threatening and that it usually never leaves my mind, no matter how often I practice yoga or how often I meditate.

I wish people knew that diabetes is just as much mental as it is physical.

I wish people knew that I’m constantly thinking ahead, when all I want to be thinking about is right now.

SEE ALSO: A Letter To Those Who Think Diabetes Is A Joke

I wish people knew that life is so precious to people with diabetes.

I wish people knew that I didn’t do this to myself.

Cover Image Credit: Erika Szumel

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Someone Told Me To Lower My Standards And It Changed The Way I See Myself

For better, but also for the worst.

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I've always valued how well I know myself.

I feel like that is directly related to me never being in a serious relationship. There are times when that can be frustrating, but in a way, it's helped me see my self-worth. I'm never forced to see myself through the eyes of someone else. I don't have to worry about pleasing anyone but myself. It's made me more independent than I think I could ever be otherwise, and that's helped me get where I want to be.

There's still a chance that I could meet all my goals if I wasn't on my own, but I haven't gone as far as to figure that out. I'm at a point now where I want everything I involve myself in to have a permanent, or at least lasting, impact on my life. Because I'm not in a place I want to be forever, or even five years from now, I don't want any attachments.

I can't find a partner in a place I have no connections to.

My college town is great for what I need it for, but I'm only in it so I can get what I need to get out. I could waste time experimenting and having "fun," but I don't want to. I'd rather be in a place mentally and physically where I'm ready. Anything else would just be a variable that could play a role in me figuring out my future. I can't risk anything, or anyone, holding me back.

I get a lot of different reactions when people get to know that about me. Some people find that annoying, and others have been jealous of my mindset. It's all about perspective, and I have to see it in hindsight even though I'm in the present. My friends know I have this crazy standard for permanence. They know I'm passionate about other things that affect me more now.

I had never felt pressured to speed up the process or do things I'm morally against. But then I was told to lower my standards of a forever and a future.

It was like I'd never had a shot at that anyway, so I could just give up. It was a way of telling me I'm not good enough. I never doubted that before. I know my needs, and even when there are times when I want love from another person, I know it's just because I'm not giving enough of it to myself.

It made me feel terrible that someone would tell me to lower my standards or try to convince me I don't know what I need. When the truth is, I have everything I need. I'd never expected anyone to adopt this mindset I have. No one really had to understand it either. I had just hoped people would respect my values. I put them in place for a reason.

The reason being, I'm too good for anything temporary.

I don't want to give up parts of myself if there's not a chance at it being forever. As good as a relationship sounds, I know it couldn't last. I would feel like I was wasting my time or that it would hold me back. I know myself better than I could ever know anything. And I know that standards are meant to be high, or else they wouldn't be standards at all.

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