I think I hold myself back sometimes. I hold myself back when it comes to getting what I want or achieving my goals. I don’t think I’m good enough or smart enough. Many people do this — self doubt eats at confidence and you become unhappy with yourself. I also let people take advantage of me in small ways, like not paying me back for the pizza I bought and we all ate or not saying how I feel when someone hurts my feelings. I don’t think this is okay and I want to be less like this. A girl I met at the beginning of college used to tell me, “you’re a college b*tch now, you don’t have to take anyone’s sh*t.” This is true and I should’ve never took anyone’s sh*t.
There are many times when I think back to friendships I’ve had where I didn’t stand up for myself. At the time, I didn’t think it was a matter of my confidence. I still really don’t know if it is. I do know one thing — the older you get, the less bullsh*t you put up with. Confidence is a process and I don’t think I will wake up one day and just be one hundred percent happy with myself, but, right now, I am trying.My family always showed me love no matter what, even when I went through those angsty years (when my family was uncool and everything my parents had to say I had a counterargument for). My mom’s friends always talk about how great I am, my friends are always complimenting me and there are times where I feel like I’m the coolest gal ever. I want to know every person I meet and I love talking to people. One of my professors called me Miss Personality, but I still struggle sometimes when I have to give a presentation in front of an entire class. There are so many times where I take a step back from the struggles of everyday life and I think about loving myself and being confident in who I am — and I realize that I don’t have a single reason not to love who I am. Feeling happy with yourself and your life is a journey, but I’m thankful for all the people in my life who love me no matter what. Self doubt holds you back. We are all just people trying to make it through a crazy life (and it’s probably cheesy), but no matter what you believe in, having hope and believing in yourself can make the rough times so much happier.