Hello, You're Beautiful And Important

Hello, You're Beautiful And Important

I don’t have a single reason not to love who I am.
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I think I hold myself back sometimes. I hold myself back when it comes to getting what I want or achieving my goals. I don’t think I’m good enough or smart enough. Many people do this — self doubt eats at confidence and you become unhappy with yourself. I also let people take advantage of me in small ways, like not paying me back for the pizza I bought and we all ate or not saying how I feel when someone hurts my feelings. I don’t think this is okay and I want to be less like this. A girl I met at the beginning of college used to tell me, “you’re a college b*tch now, you don’t have to take anyone’s sh*t.” This is true and I should’ve never took anyone’s sh*t.

There are many times when I think back to friendships I’ve had where I didn’t stand up for myself. At the time, I didn’t think it was a matter of my confidence. I still really don’t know if it is. I do know one thing — the older you get, the less bullsh*t you put up with. Confidence is a process and I don’t think I will wake up one day and just be one hundred percent happy with myself, but, right now, I am trying.

My family always showed me love no matter what, even when I went through those angsty years (when my family was uncool and everything my parents had to say I had a counterargument for). My mom’s friends always talk about how great I am, my friends are always complimenting me and there are times where I feel like I’m the coolest gal ever. I want to know every person I meet and I love talking to people. One of my professors called me Miss Personality, but I still struggle sometimes when I have to give a presentation in front of an entire class. There are so many times where I take a step back from the struggles of everyday life and I think about loving myself and being confident in who I am — and I realize that I don’t have a single reason not to love who I am. Feeling happy with yourself and your life is a journey, but I’m thankful for all the people in my life who love me no matter what. Self doubt holds you back. We are all just people trying to make it through a crazy life (and it’s probably cheesy), but no matter what you believe in, having hope and believing in yourself can make the rough times so much happier.
Cover Image Credit: Lindsey Ocock

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To All The Nurses In The Making

We tell ourselves that one day it'll all pay off, but will it actually?
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I bet you’re taking a break from studying right now just to read this, aren’t you? Either at the library with friends or in your dorm room. Wherever you may be, you never get the chance to put your books down, at least that’s how it feels to most of us. It sucks feeling like you’ve chosen the hardest major in the world, especially when you see other students barely spending any time studying or doing school work. The exclamation “You’re still here!” is an all too frequent expression from fellow students after recognizing that you’ve spent 10-plus hours in the library. At first it didn’t seem so bad and you told yourself, “This isn’t so difficult, I can handle it,” but fast-forward a few months and you’re questioning if this is really what you want to do with your life.

You can’t keep track of the amount of mental breakdowns you’ve had, how much coffee you’ve consumed, or how many times you’ve called your mom to tell her that you’re dropping out. Nursing is no joke. Half the time it makes you want to go back and change your major, and the other half reminds you why you want to do this, and that is what gets you through it. The thing about being a nursing major is that despite all the difficult exams, labs and overwhelming hours of studying you do, you know that someday you might be the reason someone lives, and you can’t give up on that purpose. We all have our own reasons why we chose nursing -- everyone in your family is a nurse, it’s something you’ve always wanted to do, you’re good at it, or like me, you want to give back to what was given to you. Regardless of what your reasoning is, we all take the same classes, deal with the same professors, and we all have our moments.

I’ve found that groups of students in the same nursing program are like a big family who are unconditionally supportive of each other and offer advice when it’s needed the most. We think that every other college student around us has it so easy, but we know that is not necessarily true. Every major can prove difficult; we’re just a little harder on ourselves. Whenever you feel overwhelmed with your school work and you want to give up, give yourself a minute to imagine where you’ll be in five years -- somewhere in a hospital, taking vitals, and explaining to a patient that everything will be OK. Everything will be worth what we are going through to get to that exact moment.

Remember that the stress and worry about not getting at least a B+ on your anatomy exam is just a small blip of time in our journey; the hours and dedication suck, and it’s those moments that weed us out. Even our advisors tell us that it’s not easy, and they remind us to come up with a back-up plan. Well, I say that if you truly want to be a nurse one day, you must put in your dedication and hard work, study your ass off, stay organized, and you WILL become the nurse you’ve always wanted to be. Don’t let someone discourage you when they relent about how hard nursing is. Take it as motivation to show them that yeah, it is hard, but you know what, I made it through.

With everything you do, give 110 percent and never give up on yourself. If nursing is something that you can see yourself doing for the rest of your life, stick with it and remember the lives you will be impacting someday.

SEE ALSO: Why Nursing School Is Different Than Any Other Major

Cover Image Credit: Kaylee O'Neal

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Why Being Diagnosed With PCOS Was Awesome For Me

I mean it. It is the BEST thing that has happened to me so far.

ManviU
ManviU
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Yes, you read it correctly. There are no typos.

I am extremely glad I have PCOS.

First, a little background on PCOS. It is known as Poly Cystic Ovary Syndrome or PCOS for short. It is a hormonal disorder that can occur in women of reproductive age. It can be due to excess of male hormone in females, excess insulin or genetic carryover from parents.

It causes irregular periods, obesity, facial hair, acne, male patterned baldness and enlarged ovaries that contains small, immature follicles that surround it.

To put it in simpler words, It makes your ovaries big, with tiny structures stuck to the outside of it that can become cysts and if untreated, it leads to infertility in women, type 2 diabetes, cardiovascular diseases and other metabolic syndromes. The trickiest part of this illness is that it has no definite diagnosis and no cure. It is a chronic illness one has to learn to live by making lifestyle changes and medication for it just trial an error as PCOS is different for everyone.

So how did I end up with it?

Well, for the better part, hell, for my entire life, I'd always struggled with my weight. To this day I don't have a constant weight as it always constantly increased no matter what I did. Diets cleanse, gym, aerobics, swimming, badminton, I have done it all. It's not because I wanted to fit in the mold that society created for women and how they are supposed to look but because I have an enormous amount of genetic disorders in my family which started with obesity.

So, as a result, my parents were always very critical about my weight, as they lived in fear that I might also get plagued with all the disease that my family has in its history. I would get yearly blood tests to check if I showed any early symptom of any diseases but it came back normal year after year.

I was thrilled but very frustrated as I could feel there was something wrong with me but I didn't know what.

The more normal my blood report was, the madder I was. Honestly, if I had low hemoglobin, I would have been happier but nothing. My blood reported I was healthy as a horse but I felt sicker as each day passed, Sick of my weight, sick of being blamed for eating a lot, sick of the society deeming me as unfit and unhealthy.

I WAS SICK OF EVERYTHING!

One day, after getting my yet another blood report, I went to my family physician. He was like 'Everything seems fine, what's the problem?' I sighed and said my weight gain in a small voice as I was embarrassed by it. He suggested me to go for an ultrasound as PCOS was getting extremely common in women and weight gain is a symptom and cause of this disease.

I agreed halfheartedly as I hate shooting arrows in the dark but it was the best option I had.

I went home and spent the entire night before my ultrasound on the internet, trying to educate myself on PCOS. Everything that was consistent among multiple articles was its symptoms, like acne, facial hair, masculine features, irregular periods and obesity. The only one that I could correlate to myself was obesity and no other symptoms.

Hence, I concluded that I can't have PCOS and went to bed frustrated as the mystery of my weight gain yet again became a mystery.

Fast forward to the end of my ultrasound, the technician goes like 'Yeah, you have PCOS'.

My brain was like what? how? where? when? seriously? and then finally it went to feeling doomed as I knew this had no cure. I was ready to bombard her with a question but before I could she told me to see a gynecologist, handed me the report and made me leave before I was ready to.

I went to see a gynecologist and she seemed so calm that it just made me madder. I was screaming inside my head like 'Women! I have PCOS! STOP SMILING! I AM DOOMED FOR LIFE'. I thought I would have to go through multiple rounds of hormone therapy that would fuck my body up and it would take me a year to recover and get better but she just gave me 2 oral medication to take for 3 months, scheduled a follow-up appointment and bid me adieu.

So, here I am writing this article 3 months later and funnily enough celebrating the fact that I have PCOS :)

It was extremely hard to get to this point where I was comfortable talking about it. I went through 7 stages of grief to accept that this is something I would have to live with for the rest of my life. But finally, I have an answer to my always echoing question 'What is wrong with me' which was the most comforting thing ever as I could stop blaming and demoralizing myself. And I didn't need to be helpless anymore towards my body.

As time passed, my medication worked miracles, I lost weight, my mental health became better, I felt healthier and I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. Gladly, I caught it early and I wouldn't need medication forever to maintain it.

The best thing this short journey has taught me is to love myself, in sickness or health. Also, I don't have to blame myself for something I couldn't control in the first place and I don't have to be ashamed about PCOS as it is naturally occurring and doesn't make me any less healthy, happy or human. Yes, it does make life a little complicated but going through the motions in life can get so boring.

You can't control everything in life, so you shouldn't blame yourself for everything as well. Love yourself unconditionally!

ManviU
ManviU

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