“I don’t know that. But it’s what I believe, it’s what I want to happen.”

It’s quiet, uncomfortable, and awkward. Though we all felt safe, this is wrong. It’s wrong for Travis. Tess and I can live like this as long as we want. It’s also the very thing that separates us from Travis. But now, what kept us joined to each others’ sides, overshadowed this, and I knew it.

Silently, Travis holds his hand out to me. As he pulls me up, I turn to Tess, doing the same. Travis takes all of our phones, turns them off, and puts them beside the tiny tv. We all crowd on one of the beds, Tess, me, and Travis, and watch whatever we find. The hours pass by unnoticed, and eventually all that is tense and uncomfortable is forgotten. We fall somewhat into a routine. It takes a couple of weeks to feel safe enough to venture outside. That, and we all start going a little stir crazy. During another game of rummy, Tess takes all the cards, screams, “I’m done!”, and throws them out the window. She storms off to the bathroom, the only place any of us can go for some privacy. Once we hear the lock click, Travis and I look at each other and laugh.

“Poor Tess.” I say, walking to close the window. It takes everything in me to leave the curtains open.

“How long do you think she’ll be in there?”

I shrug, turning to Travis. “From the sound of the water running, awhile.”

“Good.” And then he walks over and kisses me. I push him away, startled, and then surprise both of us by pulling his face back to mine. My brain hardly has time to acknowledge my feelings. I’m drawn in by this kiss with the boy I’ve always seen as an annoyance. I didn’t know I wanted this.

Travis pauses and looks at me, and when he sees that I’m not going to stop him, he leads us to the bed. We lay next to each other, and I let him smooth my hair away from face as he takes it in. When our lips touch again, I’m unable to name the feeling that it brings. I do know I want more than this, and from the urgency in his kisses, Travis does, too.

But we don’t do that. We can’t. But what we are doing right now, I love. I love the way he feels around me, what his kisses are doing to me, and how it makes me forget. I love the way he tastes, and that if we keep doing this, I’m going to lose control.

“Travis,” I breathe, the room spinning. He has his eyes closed, trying to pull himself together.

“Do you know how long I’ve been waiting to be able to kiss you?” His eyes are still closed.

“I have a guess.” I say, and when his eyes meet mine, my body surges at the thought of him kissing me again. With one last long and deep kiss, he gets off the bed.

“Maybe I should go get dinner.”

“Good idea.” My face is red and flushed. I hear Tess moving around in the bathroom. “Maybe you could go to Panera?”

Travis smiles. Tess loves Panera. “I’ve got my phone. Lock up behind me. Remember our knock.”

I get up and join him at the door. “Be careful.” I tell him. He kisses my cheek.

“Be right back.”

I feel like an idiot as I lock the door behind him, though the feeling is quickly replaced with near crippling anxiety that always intensifies when the three of us are separated. To distract myself, I check on Tess.

“Hey!” I knock on the bathroom door. Tess unlocks it a moment later, letting me in. She sits back on the edge of the tub, still wrapped in a towel.

“You feel better?”

“I guess,” she mumbles, shrugging. “Wait. What’s the matter?” She stands up, panic all over her face. My stomach drops as I join her in panicking, even though I have no idea why.

“What? Nothing. Oh my god. Why?” I turn and look back into the room. The door is still locked.

“Your face is all flushed.”

“Oh,” I say, my face heating up more. “It’s fine. I’m fine.” I stutter stupidly.

Literally one second passes. “Oh my god.” Tess has already figured it out. How could she not? She’s been with more guys than I’ve even talked to. In my defense, I scowl at her and turn away.

“Stop!” Tess commands, and it takes me by surprise. I pause in my getaway, and Tess comes to stand in front of me. She searches my face.

“You just kissed?”

“Christ, Tess! You were in the next room-“

“Don’t ever let that stop you from-“

I close my eyes and hold up my hand. “Stop. Just stop.” This didn’t need to go any further. When I open my eyes, Tess is smiling at me.

“Tess…”

She just laughs and throws her arms around my neck.

“I love you.” she says seriously. Her face is right beside my ear, mine beside hers. I hug her harder.

“Everything’s fine, Tess. I love you, too.” Without another word, she goes back to the bathroom and gets dressed. Then she joins me at the table, still quiet as I set it. Three paper plates, three paper cups, and the flowers Tess picked out a grocery store in another plastic cup in the middle. I took a picture of our little dinner table the other night. It’s my favorite.

Movement at the door minutes later sends my heart racing, bringing me out of my thoughts and relaxed state. A series of knocks lets us know it’s just Travis. I still look through the peephole to make sure.

Travis grins when I open the door, and I’m so quick to return it. I feel like an idiot, and I can’t help it.

Tess looks up in surprise at the bags Travis is holding. “Panera?” Her face lights up.

“Yeah, why not. It’s your fav.” Travis says, setting the bags down on our table. Tess bursts into tears without any warning.

“Whoa, hey-“ Travis spins around to look at me, worried. I just wave my hand at him. Tess isn’t upset, exactly, but I know what she’s feeling. It’s something we never got from home, yet we managed to find it here, in this shithole motel, hundreds of miles from the home we ran from.

That something was a family.

“C’mon, Tess. Let’s eat.” I start unpacking the food, Travis still staring at Tess.

“I love you guys,” Tess blurts out, and I laugh.

“We love you, too, Tess.”

“We love you so much, we’ll let you have the free cookie they gave me.” Travis teases her. She rolls her eyes, laughing.

“Shut up and let’s eat.”

As I sit down to join them, listening to them tease each other, I realize that I can flash forward ten years and still see the three of us together, doing exactly this. Everything inside of me swells in an unfamiliar feeling that I know is contentment. I am also certain that in the hard days I know will follow, I can look back on this moment and count on it to get me through.

That moment comes sooner than any of us had imagined. We’re starting to get too comfortable with our comforts. Still, it wasn’t something we could have ever seen coming. I don’t know who is more shocked we open the door one afternoon-us, or Ms. Perry, standing out in the parking lot. She has more guilt than shock written all over her face, like we’ve caught her doing something she shouldn’t be.

No one moves. We all just stand there and stare. But after a minute we all feel that need to be inside, in the safety of the motel room. Ms. Perry follows us in. She takes in the two beds, the tv, and our table. It was only a week ago that we’d been laughing around it.

“You left. All of you.” Ms. Perry looks each of us in the eye. Suddenly we’re back at school, getting scolded by the teacher.

“We had to, Ms. Perry.” Travis is the first to speak.

“No, you didn’t. I have been worried – “ she breaks off, looking away. This uncomfortable situation is now even more awkward as we watch Ms. Perry wipe away tears.

“We’re fine.” I mutter, earning looks from Travis and Tess. I shrug at them, mouthing “What?”

“Ms. Perry, would you like some water?” Tess is already getting her a cup. Travis offers her a chair, and she takes the cup as she sits down.

“How’d you find us?” I ask. My curiosity might get me killed, but I don’t care. If Ms. Perry can find us, why not him? From the expectant looks on Tess and Travis’ faces, I know they have the same concern.

Ms. Perry takes a sip of water. “I had help from a friend. Your phones still have their GPS on.”

“You’re fucking kidding, “ I mutter, rolling my eyes.

“Reagan.” Ms. Perry says sharply. Travis is trying not to laugh. Tess looks confused.

“They tracked us, Tess.” I tell her, and she raises her eyebrows. “Yeah,” I say.

Ms. Perry tries to change the subject. “Well, from what I can see, the three of you have been doing just fine. Your parents, on the other hand-“

“Don’t give a shit?” I challenge Ms. Perry. Before she can answer, I go on. “I’m guessing you noticed our absences from school, went to each of our homes, and only Travis‘s parents could clue you in. Right?”

“Ok, Reagan.” Travis puts a hand on my arm. For his sake, I stop.

“Is everything ok? Why are you here?” he asks Ms. Perry.

“It’s safe. You can come home. “

I hear Tess as she takes in a sharp breath. I turn to Travis, who is staring hard at Ms. Perry. “They found him? You’re sure?”

Ms. Perry smiles. “They did.”

“What, do they need us to come back and identify him?” I ask.

Ms. Perry blinks. “No, I believe they matched fingerprints. It’s all over. That’s what I was told at the police station.”

“Then why are you here?” She blinks again. But Tess gets what I’m saying.

“Reagan. We have to go back.”

I turn to her, pain in my chest. “What?”

She looks at me helplessly. “It’s not right…”

“Our whole lives aren’t right, Tess!” I yell, and that’s all it takes for her to cry. I don’t care, though. She hurt me first. I don’t dare look at Travis. I know where he stands about all of this, and I don’t blame him. But I never thought this day would happen – I didn’t know what to do. All I can see is the three of us together, forever. Psychotic murderer after us or not, my life isn’t right without the two of them. I didn’t have anyone else, but even more, I didn’t want anyone else. The thought of going back to how we used to live, after this small taste of how it could be, is unbearable.

I go and stand by the window. When will I learn to stop believing that the worst is over?

“Reagan.”

I ignore them. I just need a few more seconds to get over this. Deep down, I know I won’t go anywhere without them, but that doesn’t mean I need to be willing or happy about it.

I turn to Ms. Perry. I hate how she’s watching me, always worried.

“How are we supposed to just go back to our lives?”