I hear voices.
I think the first time I heard a voice was when I was seven or eight. I was standing in the field next to my house and my brain started telling me I was evil.
I have heard the voices on and off throughout the rest of my life. I don't think I have a disorder or anything, at least I haven't been diagnosed with one. I just think my conscious is mean and likes to see the negative in life.
The voices have never told me to hurt others or to do something that doesn't make logical sense. However, they don't play fair.
The voices know everything I know and more.
This makes it hard to convince me it isn't real.
If my own head is telling me I'm a horrible person, that has to mean something right?
Sometimes the voices are quiet, like when I am showering or reading. Other times they ring in my head and beg to be heard. They tell me how I disappoint my boss, how I will never achieve the goals I have. The voices think I can't succeed and sometimes I think it would be easier to listen to them.
Give up, see the world as glum, disappear into the world as another statistic. But then they would win and I am simply too prideful for that.
My brain is broken, not me.
Everything I do, I have my own self-doubting me. "You are evil. You are evil. You are evil." it repeats to me as I walk to class.
"You are bound to be like your father." It whispers to me as I study for my next exam.
"Everyone just pity's you." The voice states as I stand with my sorority.
The voices know when I'm hurting, knows what my triggers are and knows how to break me; but if I allow the voices to hurt me, what does that show to the people who look at me?
Yes, that voice is horrible and mean and cruel. I am not. I am kind, funny, empathetic and driven. I know I am worth more than pain. I am in the real world. It is only in my head. No one can see it, no one can hurt it, so why can I let it hurt me? I refuse to be part of something that breaks me anymore.