To the one healing from losing a loved one,

As I write this letter, it is just a few days out from the anniversary of my father’s death, who passed away almost 16 years ago. Yeah, 16 years… and it can still hit hard some days. But, I’m writing this letter to you to tell you that 1) you are not alone. I totally understand how you feel and 2) whether you lost someone yesterday, last month, last year, or even 16 years ago, you are in the process of healing.

Losing a loved one is never easy. To be real, it’s completely heartbreaking. When you hear the news, you refuse to believe it. You tell yourself it’s not possible and that there is no way this could have ever happened. You literally feel like your heart has dropped to your stomach.

After a few days have passed, you are extremely exhausted. Due to the extreme shock that this even happened, you’ve had restless nights. You have had long days that feel like they will never end.

You are expected to answer so many questions. What happened? How is the family? How are you? Is there anything I can do to help? Trying to answer these questions may trigger all of your emotions again causing a flood of tears, but somehow you manage to mutter a few words in response.

You long to see this person again. You would love to have just one last conversation with them… one last hug… one last dinner together… one last picture together… one last memory…

You even feel incomplete and isolated without this person. You no longer feel like yourself. You feel like you are missing a piece of you. You feel as if you have been left alone.

Then you seem to go into a state of nostalgia. All you can think about is the past… before you lost this person. All of the memories seem to never leave your mind. You almost feel stuck in the past because you can’t or don’t want to accept what has happened.

But all in all, you are grateful. You are grateful for all the memories… the pictures… the inside jokes… the bond y’all had… you are grateful for the time you had with this person before they passed away. You are grateful that you had the opportunity to know this person.

In the midst of your heartbreak and exhaustion, you answer many questions that really just make you long to see this person again. You sometimes feel incomplete or isolated and then you go into a state of nostalgia wanting to go back in time and see this person again. But at the end of the day, you are grateful.

Through all of these emotions and coping mechanisms, you are healing. It may not feel like it, but you are healing.

So here’s to you and your journey of healing. Each and every journey of healing is different; however, know that you are not alone. I want you to know that it’s okay for you to take your time. Some days are harder than others, but maybe one day you will wake up and finally feel at peace about it. Or maybe it will take you more time than you thought to heal, which is also okay.

A part of you will always hold onto your memories with this person and love for this person, which is a good thing! They played a role in your life that you don’t want to forget. I just wanted to remind you (as much as you don’t want to hear this and as cliche as it is), you will be okay. You are healing one step at a time. Take your time. And I'm proud of you for how far you have come.

Sincerely,

A girl who gets it