In my opinion, love is the most powerful feeling on this entire planet. People wait their whole lives for this feeling. They make the most crazy and beautiful gestures for it. There have been epic wars, books and plays inspired by love. And when you finally find it with someone, it is honestly the most spectacular and wondrous experience you will ever have.
But love is about being selfless. It is wanting to make another's life the best it can be. It is encouraging, laughing and growing together. It is physically hurting when the one you love hurts. It is when their happiness is your happiness. Many people these days forget what love is actually like. It is not jealousy. It is not being cruel to another person. It is not unhealthy. It is not mental or physical abuse.
Too often throughout my life, I have not only experienced abusive relationships but have watched others go through the same thing. Thankfully, I was able to break through this, heal and finally realize what being in love is supposed to be like. Here are five things I have learned while healing from an abusive relationship, advice I would like to pass on to anyone who is seeking to heal as well.
1. Remember it is not your fault.
Too many times while healing from a mentally or physically abusive relationship, the person who was being abused believes they did something wrong. They should have seen the signs, or they feel stupid for not getting out of the relationship earlier. This is entirely false. There is nothing wrong with you or how you handled the situation. Being in an abusive relationship is like being brainwashed. It's almost like, no matter what the person is doing to you or what your friends and family tell you, you are completely blinded. Remember that there is no right or wrong way to deal with an abusive relationship.
2. Surround yourself with support and love.
When getting out of a toxic relationship, some people find themselves very lonely and lost. This can make being strong and healing a very difficult task. Surround yourself with friends and family and tell them your story. Explain your fears, ask for their support and make a plan with them on how they can help. If you want to seek out professional help, have them encourage you. Try not to spend a lot of time alone, and whenever you are starting to feel weak, call up your best friend or closest family member. Their love and support can be extremely important for your healing process.
3. Get busy.
I truly believe that being busy is the best way to heal with any traumatic experience. When you immerse yourself into a hobby, organization or group of people, you start to realize how much more there is to life than that person. So take on something new that you've always wanted to do. Join a club, start painting, go to coffee shops with friends, start running, read beautiful books. Do anything and everything you can that will bring joy to your life.
4. Start writing.
After leaving abusive relationships and being treated poorly for much of my life, I started to make lists and write goals. I made lists of things I loved about myself. I loved that I was nerdy, how short I was, and how I had a deep desire to help others. This made me realize that I should be proud of who I was. Then I started making lists of goals I wanted to achieve in the future and how I could achieve those goals. Finally, I wrote a list of all the attributes I wanted to find in my next relationship. I told myself I would not settle until I found someone who held all of the qualities that I wanted in a partner. This was incredibly helpful in my process of healing and becoming healthy again.
5. Love yourself.
The most important part of healing from an abusive relationship is loving yourself. You, my friend, are extraordinary. You are special and pretty awesome. You are worthy of someone who wants only to give you happy tears, who wants to support you in everything you do. I decided after healing that I was going to love every part of myself and find someone who loved me, too, with all of my flaws and insecurities. Doing this was the best decision I have ever made and has helped me incredibly. Life is so short that no one should ever have to spend it being unhappy with not only themselves, but who they share their life with.
