You're Not 'Too Nice,' He Just Isn't Right For You

You're Not 'Too Nice,' He Just Isn't Right For You

Being kind and loving someone takes courage and no one should ridicule you for doing so.

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Have you ever dated someone who treats you right and then in the end tears you apart in some insensitive way? You know, the guys who tell you "you're crazy" or "you care too much"? Everyone goes through this at some point, and, even though they really suck, you have to remember that it's not you.

Let me describe this by telling a story. One time I dated a guy who my therapist diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder after he broke up with me. It may not have been a very long relationship, but he talked marriage with me, he would always say that I make him happy, he called me "perfect" every waking moment (which he said he had never called anyone before), and most of all, he showed me I mattered for what little time we spent together. Looking back, it wasn't all that perfect and there were so many red flags I should have taken into account. My biggest red flag that I brought up a lot was that I was always compared to his exes. He couldn't go a single conversation with me without bringing up at least one of their names and no that is not an exaggeration and I don't think he truly realizes how often he does this. At one point, he got a text from his most recent ex before me talking about our relationship, and, looking back, even she brought up his exes prominently in that text, showing me that I was not the first girl who has gone through this phenomenon. To truly move on in your life, you can't look forward and look back at the same time because then you're not giving the person in your life now the time and energy they deserve. The emotional baggage that he still holds onto was placed on me and my brain was like an emotional battleground for so long.

So, I did what any loving person would do, I cared. I asked a trusted friend to say nice things about me while he was struggling, so he would know how different, loving and caring I really am compared to those who have hurt him before. Well, he took that the wrong way and turned on me, dumping me over text message, criticizing me for the miscommunication, and, worst of all, ridiculing my true kindness and love for people to be happy. I remember getting the break-up text in the cold dorm of my sorority and texting my pledge class group chat asking for love from them in my time of need. I showed them the text he sent (and yes, they were there through every decision I made leading up to this. Some of my closest sisters had seen what I asked my friend to say out of kindness and agreed with me, seeing nothing wrong), and they all came running to my rescue and have been my shining light since.

I'm not writing this to expose someone's wrongdoings. I wholeheartedly forgive this guy now and wish him the best as well as hope for him to seek help for his Borderline Personality Disorder one day, because he will never be truly healthy or happy until he does seek out help. I wanted to write this because after that rude text he sent me with no apology for his own wrongdoings (let alone an apology I deserve for that text and for just being nice in general), I have learned more about myself through someone's misconception of my own kindness, and, after talking to so many others out there, I know there are other girls who have gone through something similar and may need to know they're not alone. I've moved on, but that doesn't mean someone else in the world might not be struggling as we speak.

I remember him telling me in that text that I don't know what makes him happy because only he can know that, which is true, but I still tried out of kindness because at one point in time he said I did make him happy. I know and have always known that you can't make someone feel a certain emotion or feeling, but all I wanted to do was show kindness, and, through that heartbreak, I learned so much about myself and life. I wanted to tell the world that it's okay to love someone, it's okay to love hard and care, and it's okay to be authentically you, no matter what anyone has to say about it. Each heartbreak is just a stepping stone getting you closer and closer to the one person who will love every inch of you and will never misconceive your true love and kindness for misery. We all make mistakes, it's innately human, but what you learn from those mistakes and heartbreaks is what helps you grow like no other. One day, the naysayers will see what they missed out on because you are one in a million. Stay kind, stay loving, and forgive those who have wronged you so you can grow.

And to that boy, I forgive you for everything. It's not you, it's a symptom of something you have yet to be treated for and I have always been understanding and loving because of that. I'll be praying for you. I'll be praying that you'll learn to love yourself, forgive yourself for the past so you can move on, and that you'll never forget that you were made for more in this world.

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Why I Will Tell My Children To Wait Until Marriage

Abstinence isn't just a religious thing.
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Having grown up in the Bible Belt, I was an avid church goer as a child. Both the church and my parents preached at me that "abstinence is key." They always just said that you shouldn't do anything with someone before you're married because it is just the right thing to do. I always heard that it was just frowned upon, I didn't know that it could be devastating in the future.

Many of us don't wait until marriage. In today's society, abstinence isn't exactly the top priority of our generation. Personally, I didn't wait and fell into the demographic of being "normal." I thought maybe I could find love. I believe most girls convince themselves they can marry just about anyone down the road because it helps us accept what we do. When you are doing what everyone around you seems to be doing, it makes it feel as though it isn't as "wrong" as you thought it was when you are growing up.

Until I met the love of my life, that was my mindset. It wasn't necessarily wrong and it didn't impact anyone other than myself. It turns out I was very wrong. After numerous liars and jerks, I finally found the man that I have always wanted. The guy who gives us that dream that we all have as little girls, but gave up on as we grew older. Neither of us waited until marriage, and neither of us thought of each other. We didn't know each other until we started dating, but we didn't think of the one that we would one day marry. I never knew how someone's past could devastate me. I struggle daily with insecurities and comparisons to the girls he has been with. I don't want to, but I can't help it. I know that he feels the same way about my past. It causes distrust in a society where distrust is already easy enough to have. I never wanted to be that girl that compared myself to others, but it's hard not to think about the other girls and if they were better or if he still thinks about them.

This is why I will tell my children to wait. Not just because God says so, but because it does involve someone other than themselves. It hurts the one they end up marrying. It hurts them later in life. I want my children to do their part of not instilling this lack of confidence that I find myself struggling with. Maybe we can raise our children to be a generation where sex isn't just sex, and it means something again. If abstinence isn't appealing to you because of God, maybe it can appeal to you when you think of that dream guy or girl. Wait for him. Wait for her. Wait for yourself.


Cover Image Credit: Pinterest

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13 (Liberating) Cuffing Season Thoughts From Your Friendly, Neighborhood Single

Ding dong, everyone's lonely.

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I can hear the bells chiming in the distance and in between the chimes are the sounds of my family members asking whether or not I have a significant other.

Urban Dictionary: During the Fall and Winter months people who would normally rather be single or promiscuous find themselves along with the rest of the world desiring to be "Cuffed" or tied down by a serious relationship. The cold weather and prolonged indoor activity cause singles to become lonely and desperate to be cuffed.

To celebrate this holiday season, here are some gifs you can show your family members to remind them once again that someone hasn't put a ring on it.

1. Do you consider this in a relationship?

2. I'm just trying to be like Adele

3. Or like Honey Boo Boo

4. If the game works, it works.

5. Who needs to be in a relationship when you have yourself 

6. Too much stress being in a relationship

7. Do you see a ring on it? I didn't think so...

8. Do I have anyone with me?

9. You may not have someONE, but you do have wine

10.  As if

11.  We are all Chandler at one point in our lives

12.  And SpongeBob

13.  There's so much room in the tub for bubbles when there's only one person inside

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