You're Not Too Nice, He Just Isn't Right For You

You're Not 'Too Nice,' He Just Isn't Right For You

Being kind and loving someone takes courage and no one should ridicule you for doing so.

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Have you ever dated someone who treats you right and then in the end tears you apart in some insensitive way? You know, the guys who tell you "you're crazy" or "you care too much"? Everyone goes through this at some point, and, even though they really suck, you have to remember that it's not you.

Let me describe this by telling a story. One time I dated a guy who my therapist diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder after he broke up with me. It may not have been a very long relationship, but he talked marriage with me, he would always say that I make him happy, he called me "perfect" every waking moment (which he said he had never called anyone before), and most of all, he showed me I mattered for what little time we spent together. Looking back, it wasn't all that perfect and there were so many red flags I should have taken into account. My biggest red flag that I brought up a lot was that I was always compared to his exes. He couldn't go a single conversation with me without bringing up at least one of their names and no that is not an exaggeration and I don't think he truly realizes how often he does this. At one point, he got a text from his most recent ex before me talking about our relationship, and, looking back, even she brought up his exes prominently in that text, showing me that I was not the first girl who has gone through this phenomenon. To truly move on in your life, you can't look forward and look back at the same time because then you're not giving the person in your life now the time and energy they deserve. The emotional baggage that he still holds onto was placed on me and my brain was like an emotional battleground for so long.

So, I did what any loving person would do, I cared. I asked a trusted friend to say nice things about me while he was struggling, so he would know how different, loving and caring I really am compared to those who have hurt him before. Well, he took that the wrong way and turned on me, dumping me over text message, criticizing me for the miscommunication, and, worst of all, ridiculing my true kindness and love for people to be happy. I remember getting the break-up text in the cold dorm of my sorority and texting my pledge class group chat asking for love from them in my time of need. I showed them the text he sent (and yes, they were there through every decision I made leading up to this. Some of my closest sisters had seen what I asked my friend to say out of kindness and agreed with me, seeing nothing wrong), and they all came running to my rescue and have been my shining light since.

I'm not writing this to expose someone's wrongdoings. I wholeheartedly forgive this guy now and wish him the best as well as hope for him to seek help for his Borderline Personality Disorder one day, because he will never be truly healthy or happy until he does seek out help. I wanted to write this because after that rude text he sent me with no apology for his own wrongdoings (let alone an apology I deserve for that text and for just being nice in general), I have learned more about myself through someone's misconception of my own kindness, and, after talking to so many others out there, I know there are other girls who have gone through something similar and may need to know they're not alone. I've moved on, but that doesn't mean someone else in the world might not be struggling as we speak.

I remember him telling me in that text that I don't know what makes him happy because only he can know that, which is true, but I still tried out of kindness because at one point in time he said I did make him happy. I know and have always known that you can't make someone feel a certain emotion or feeling, but all I wanted to do was show kindness, and, through that heartbreak, I learned so much about myself and life. I wanted to tell the world that it's okay to love someone, it's okay to love hard and care, and it's okay to be authentically you, no matter what anyone has to say about it. Each heartbreak is just a stepping stone getting you closer and closer to the one person who will love every inch of you and will never misconceive your true love and kindness for misery. We all make mistakes, it's innately human, but what you learn from those mistakes and heartbreaks is what helps you grow like no other. One day, the naysayers will see what they missed out on because you are one in a million. Stay kind, stay loving, and forgive those who have wronged you so you can grow.

And to that boy, I forgive you for everything. It's not you, it's a symptom of something you have yet to be treated for and I have always been understanding and loving because of that. I'll be praying for you. I'll be praying that you'll learn to love yourself, forgive yourself for the past so you can move on, and that you'll never forget that you were made for more in this world.

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The Truth About Dating A Girl With An Anxiety Disorder

She knows how annoying she can be, but she just prays you love her regardless of her flaws.

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Anxiety: A nervous disorder characterized by a state of excessive uneasiness and apprehension, typically with compulsive behavior or panic attacks.

The definition makes it sound really daunting. Truthfully, there is no one way to describe generalized anxiety disorder if you have it. It is hard to live with, hard to cope with and unfortunately, really hard to date with.

Girls with anxiety are different than the average girl when it comes to relationships. That's just an honest statement, no matter how much it hurts me to say it.

We need the constant reminder that you love us, even though we know in our hearts that you do. We panic when you don't answer your phone, in fear that we did something wrong. We care about your feelings when you say that we don't need to worry and we need to be a little calmer. But it's so damn hard.

It isn't easy to love someone who worries about everything 24/7. Half the time, we know we shouldn't be doing the things we do. We know we shouldn't blow up your phone or ask just one more time if you are mad at us. But we can't help it. It says it right in the definition: compulsive behavior due to excessive uneasiness.

Being with a girl with anxiety is probably downright exhausting. It's exhausting for us to have our minds constantly running and worrying. But I promise it's worth it.

We come to you with everything because you are the one person who always knows how to make us feel better. When we are happy, you are the one person we want to be happy with. We all know the constant reassurance, reminders and the same old arguments get old. It gets old to us too.

There was never a time I wanted to have a panic attack because my boyfriend wasn't answering his phone. In my head, I knew where he was because he was usually in the same three places. I knew he wasn't mad at me because I didn't do anything to make him upset. I knew how busy he was with his classes and he was probably studying and I needed to give him space. But the little voice in my head always argued, "What if you did something wrong? What if he's ignoring you because he's angry? What if he's seen your messages and calls, but no longer wants to be with you?" And then I give in. I call, I text, I cry, I panic. Only to feel even worse 10, 30 or 50 minutes later because you answer angrily, telling me what I already knew after I did what I knew I shouldn't have done.

Having anxiety is almost like having a drug addiction. You know all the things that trigger you. You know all the ways to stay away from the bad places in your mind so you don't end up relapsing. But you do anyway and it hurts worse every single time.

Dating a girl with anxiety is as hard as it gets, but she will love you like no other. She is so incredibly thankful for all the things you put up with to be with her. Because she is worried about being loved, she goes the extra mile to always remind you how much you are loved. She always asks if you are ok because she cares about the answer and knows what it's like not to be ok.

The truth is that dating anybody with anxiety is difficult, but it isn't impossible. You get back everything you put in, even though you may not realize it. Trust me, she is sorry for being the annoying, crying, worried, naggy mess and it embarrasses her because she knows better and she wants to be better for you. But please love her. Hold her, understand her, listen to her, calm her, be there for her. In your heart, you know she would turn around and do all the same things for you in a heartbeat.

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To The Ex-Best Friend Who Made Everything A Competition, I'm Done Playing Your Game

And I'm doing OK without you.

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Dear Best Friend,

We were inseparable, attached at the hip, and I always thought that you would be in my life for forever. We did everything together: ate the worst food possible, watched the newest crappy Netflix film, cried over the boy that constantly broke our hearts, and laughed at the things that made us seem the most stupid. I loved you like a sister, and I would do anything for you, but everything started to change quickly, and it didn't make sense for me to stay.

As close as we were, things started to become a competition: who could be the happiest? Who could be the best in school? Who could find the "one" first? Even now, I sit and question why we thought that these things were supposed to strengthen our friendship when they only destroyed it. I felt like I had entered a toxic relationship, trapped in the constant annoyance that I felt in your presence, and I hate that I felt this way. But, here's the thing, you were so wrapped up in your own life and making yourself happy that you had totally forgotten that I had a life of my own. I wanted to be successful, too. I wanted to have a shoulder to cry on when I was hurt, too. I wanted to have my best friend on my side, too. But I didn't have the luxury that you did; you were my best friend, but I wasn't yours.

After months of just being there at your disposal, I finally learned what life would be like without having my best friend around, and that really sucked, if I'm being honest. Every time you called, I was there. Every time he broke your heart, I was there. Every time you needed to cry, I was there. I was behind you every step of the way, that even when my day was horrible, I made sure to answer when you called. But, when I needed you, the conversation was spun into your mandala of life, and my problems were thrust outside the lines. I was tired of being taken advantage of.

After all the ignored advice given, I finally gave up. I couldn't sit back and watch you ruin your life over a guy that obviously didn't care about your well-being or our friendship. I watched our friendship turn from something once great, something I couldn't live without, into something toxic and something I wanted no part of.

Because I knew that I had lost you a long time ago, I've spent a lot of time thinking about how I could live a happier life without you in it. I wanted to make sure that the days of being in this crazy competition were over for me, and that I could look back on this last year and know that, no matter what, I was the winner of my own happiness. And I look at you, and I truly feel sorry for you because you've spent so much time trying to give someone else your happiness. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm sorry that this happened. I'm sorry we grew apart. I'm sorry I wasn't able to be the friend that you needed. I'm sorry that I won't be the girl who hides behind one of her friends. I'm sorry that I have my own life, one that I'm proud of.

I'm glad we had laughs that we did. I'm glad we cried together. I'm glad that we have the amazing memories that we do.

You were my best friend, and I'll always be there for you. Just remember why I left.

With love,

Your Ex-Best Friend

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