Being Broken up with is one of the toughest things life can throw at a young person. In our teenage years we’re still trying to figure out who we are and what we want to bring to the world, so when someone breaks your heart and you don’t get an explanation, it can be devastating to your mental health and your self-image. So, when I felt the pain of my first heartbreak, I felt like everything around me was shaking. But, my story didn’t end there, and I certainly didn’t let someone else’s mistake define me.
I was young, and it was the first time I felt connected to someone that wasn’t a friend or family member. We just clicked- until he decided we didn’t anymore. I was ghosted, meaning, he basically stopped answering my texts and ignored my calls until finally he manned up and texted me (insert eyeroll here) saying we were over. I was surrounded by my friends when I got that text and, despite having barely talked at all for the three months prior (yes, I know, I held on too long. What can I say, I don’t give up on people easily), I was devastated.
I remember the long talks with my girlfriends and the phone calls with my mom and dad, and each moment with the people I love made me smile, but nothing made me feel better. I needed closure because I had no idea what I did or where I went wrong, but all I got was, “I don’t want to see you anymore.” And I had to live with that.
In the months that came after that breakup, I became more confident in myself (which took quite some time, but it happened), made new friends, and was able to go out with my friends without being bombarded with questions of my company and fidelity. Somehow, I was able to make it through one of the toughest times my teenage years had wrought. Without closure and with the support of my friends and family, I was back to being myself.
I emerged from a heartbreak I didn’t think I would get over as a stronger woman and as a more confident and self-appreciative person. I no longer relied on others to tell me if my outfit was flattering or if my shirt looked good enough for me to buy, and I didn’t need another person to tell me I was good enough or worthy to be cared about. After what felt like forever, I was in a comfortable place with myself.
While all of that was well and good, the most important thing I learned from my heartbreak was that I am important and worthy of someone’s time, and that I should respect myself enough to pull myself out of situations that are causing me more harm than happiness.
Having your heart truly broken is a pain that is indescribable, but that pain taught me some of the greatest lessons I’ve learned so far in my life. The heartbreak I experienced, along with the relationship itself, taught me a lot of things about me and about life.
First, I realized that my worth is not defined by how much or how little someone appreciates me.
Second, I learned what I do and do not deserve from a relationship and from a partner.
Third, any person who claims to care for you yet is capable of walking away from you while you’re crying over your relationship definitely does not actually care for you.
Fourth, I learned that someone who makes you wait around for them to pay you any attention is not worthy of your attention.
Fifth, just because one person didn’t appreciate you and your efforts doesn’t mean that someone else won’t.
Lastly, I learned that while no relationship is easy, if it is hard to the point of causing daily distress, it’s probably not the right relationship for you and you should GET OUT as soon as possible.
I could go on for days about the lessons I learned from having my heart broken. I have a lot left to learn throughout my life, and I’m certainly not a relationship expert, but I can honestly say that having my heart broken was one of the best things to happen to me. Rather than letting my pain overtake my happiness and my plans, I embraced my new beginning and moved forward, stronger than I had imagined. Pain may sting, but it makes the lessons we learn from it stick pretty damn well.