At one point in time, America emphasized the ideal of a nuclear family: a mother and a father living together with their children. As cute as that can be, however, a nuclear family is only one type of family that cannot ensure happiness. America has had the ideal of the perfect life: the perfect house, perfect car, perfect couple, and perfect children.
The issue with this ideal is that it is faulty, and any deviation from this ideal is seen to be inferior even though the ideals themselves are not as successful as we pretend for them to be. People are not inferior to other people just because they are not a part of a nuclear family. When the nuclear family leads to divorce because the marriage was not successful, people see this as a personal failure.
Divorce is not a personal failure for them, but people see it as a personal failure because it is the American ideal. Divorce does not make their children inferior to children of nuclear families. Children do not become psychologically screwed up from divorce. Here is the truth about divorce:
1. It gives children a new definition of family
Having family time does not mean that it only can be within a nuclear family time. Family time can be with anyone you consider to be like family: close friends, neighbors, and people biologically related to you. When children have divorced parents, they usually have two of everything: two bedrooms, two Christmas holidays, and two homes. Children of divorced parents learn that having a family is not about where you are, it is who you are with.
When my parents divorced, I was upset, but later I was grateful because the arguing stopped. I used to live in a home of constant arguments, but then I acquired two peaceful homes when they divorced. My family was whoever I was close friends with and spent time with. Before the divorce, I regarded family time as only being with my parents.
2. Children learn early on that adults are not perfect
When my parents divorced, I learned that it was because they were not completely compatible. People are not meant to be completely compatible with everyone else. Some personalities correspond with other personalities, and it is important to search for compatibility. If everyone was compatible with one another, everyone would be perfect.
3. Children’s grades do not suffer because of divorce
Having divorced parents did not make me feel broken. I never blamed myself for their divorce. They argued with each other regardless of what I would do. Although I was distraught during the divorce process because all possessions were being divided, it did not screw up my entire existence or my ability to be successful in school. No one needs a nuclear family to ensure success academically.
4. Children do not suddenly have marriage issues or fears of marriage because of divorce.
When my parents divorced, I saw how difficult the process was for all parties involved. It motivated me to take marriage seriously and not marry just anyone off the street. Witnessing the divorce of my parents motivated me to take marriage as a serious commitment. I have never been married, and I do not want to get married unless it is a serious commitment.
5. Having divorced parents does not make children disregard love.
Witnessing divorce did not make me disregard love. Love does not mean that there are no flaws. Love is an active verb that means committing to acting in such a way for others to feel loved. My parents argued in a way that was not loving. Once they separated, they acted happier. Divorce does inhibit children from wearing rose-colored glasses about marriage. I know that marriage does not mean it will last, and a marriage requires effort like all good things.
6. Children have more time with parents individually after a divorce.
Because my parents divorced, I got to know them differently. Once they were not always around each other or constantly collaborating in the same house, there was a different dynamic between me and each of my parents.
7. Stereotypes of children of divorced parents are inhibiting.
It is not about how annoying or ignorant stereotypes can be—it is about how they are not necessary at all. If we want to get to know an individual, we can ask a question. My parents divorced, and it did not make me dumber, less healthy, or unstable. The relationship between my parents broke, but that did not break me.
The divorce changed my outlook, but it did not change my abilities. Some people believe that children with divorced parents are prone to mental health issues, instability, or an incapability of forming successful relationships. This is false. However, when people treat someone as if they are broken, that person is more likely to feed into the mistreatment then to question it.
If children of divorced parents are treated like they are inferior or are likely to be "broken" in some fashion, they may believe it, and this causes a self-fulfilling prophecy and confirmation bias.