I have to let you go.

Not because I want to. Nothing in me really wanted to leave. I just felt like I had to. I was gaining nothing by staying. It was the contrary really. I was losing everything by staying. I was hurting myself and I was hurting you. I was letting myself down time after time. I was letting you down by not trusting you 100%.

The thing about being with the wrong person is that it drains you. No matter how much you try or how much effort you put in, it never seems like it’s enough. It always feels like you’re taking 2 steps forward and 10 steps back. You can never see eye to eye with that person.

A lot of me thinks I’ll never be able to replace what we have, and thats true. I won’t. But that’s the point, I think. Sometimes people have to claim that title to show you an example of exactly what you want and don’t want. Maybe I don’t want exactly what we had again. I certainly don’t want to feel like that again. That feeling of always being let down; of never being satisfied. I always wanted more for you. I always wanted more for myself.

And maybe that’s why I’m flawed. I choose to see someone’s potential rather than who someone actually is. And I get attached to that thought of “But this is what they COULD be.” Through this thinking, you’re so willing to give out dozens of chances to the person who continues to fall short of your expectations. Until there is no longer strength in your heart to give out another chance.

I wish I had bad things to say about you after everything you have put me through, but I don’t. Maybe that’s just who I am. I have always chosen to see the good in you and I will continue to do so. I hate to look back on things in regret and anger. Life isn’t about that.

I have gained so much from my past. I am so much stronger than I was because of you. Whether you meant to or not, you made me strong. I am accomplishing things now that with you, I never thought I could accomplish. Maybe it was precisely your lack or recognition for who I am that made me recognize who that person was and what she was capable of.

I used to think we were nothing short of a burning flame that was destined to burn out, but I don’t think that anymore. I think when you really want something to work, you will make it happen. And I did. For so long, I was the only one that wanted to make it happen. It’s hard to admit that now, but that’s the reality to it. You were special to me; I saw things in you that you didn’t see in yourself. But now I know that you weren’t willing to rise up to the potential I saw in you, and that’s nothing I can force on you. I can’t force you to see that I pushed you for greatness because I wanted nothing less for you.

I hope you can find that again, I really do. I know what I did for you was out of nothing but love and pure intentions. I hope one day you can look back on what we had and be thankful. I know it seems far fetched now, but you deserve that. You deserve freedom from any chains in which your past is holding you to.

But now I have to let you go. Because any thought of you is just taking things away from me, like it always has.

I have to let you go.