My birthday is soon approaching; I was born on April 13, 1994.

I used to enjoy birthdays as a child, as I am sure many others have. It was a time to celebrate your birth with loved ones, do whatever you wanted, and have fun.; it is your day. As I have gotten older though, especially when attending college, my likeness for my birthdays has decreased. Actually, I hate when it is my birthday.

They are not like how they used to be; renting bouncy houses, going to Chuck E. Cheese's, and receiving endless gifts from your classmates in kindergarten. To me, it just feels like getting older and feeling tired. Although this sounds morbid, I feel as though getting older has more cons than being a kid.

Although I do try to look at the pros of getting older, the cons seem to outweigh them. Sure you can have kids, get, married, start a career, go to college, but nothing can come close to the experiences you have as a child. From endless toys, not having a care in the world about work, just eating ice cream and not worrying about your weight; oh how much fun it was.

I try to make every birthday fun, but it seems to backfire. I just end up having anxiety about getting older, and I try to create the "perfect" birthday which usually ends up not playing out how. I wish I did not end up ruining my birthday for myself, as I always do. Somehow, I suck at preventing that.

Each year I should be grateful to be alive, but I feel as though I am running out of time. I question myself to the point where I get existential. What is my purpose? How can I contribute to the world? Will this be my last birthday? What if I mess up my birthday? Oh the endless questions I have.

Well as I will be turning 24 soon, I have no choice but to embrace and accept that yes, I am getting older. But as cheesy as this sounds, I can look at the things that have brought me joy in my life that I am glad to be alive for. My parents, dance, my closest friends, pizza, bowling, movies; the list is endless of what has brought me joy. Although I have had my fair share of hardships, I would not trade my joys for the world.

I am hoping 24 will be a kick-ass year for me, but I still hate birthdays as the process of getting older scares the sh*t out of me.

However, all I can do is make the best of it. After all, it is just another day, right?

Happy 24th birthday to me.