The modern dating world is driven by social media and communication primarily exists through the use of technology. When you can easily get a date just by swiping your phone screen or following someone on Instagram it becomes too easy to skip the wooing that used to be so important in dating.
The romance seems to have dissipated into pixelated LED lights and been swept away in the vast abyss that is social media. There is no more courting, no more earning and there seems to be a lack of motivation to impress. We’ve become so used to instant gratification and ease of communication that in our dating world, real love seems to have gone extinct. I just wonder, what happened to it?
When our grandparents were dating, it was customary to court someone you were interested in. Maybe I’m old fashioned or a hopeless romantic, but a certain level of respect in a suitor’s words and actions would go a long way nowadays. I’m not saying we need to revert back to sexist ideals that strictly define the roles of men and women in relationships, not at all. I think one of the most amazing things about the Millennial generation is how open and accepting of all types of relationships we have become.
I do, however, think that if you are pursuing someone, you should recognize that you are trying to earn their attention. You’re trying to convince them to give you their time, something undeniably valuable in this fast, unpredictable life. So, I don’t know where it got lost in translation, but coming at someone with aggressive, overtly sexual comments does absolutely nothing in convincing them to even acknowledge you, nevertheless give you a millisecond of their time.
In the current dating world, there exists a very prevalent “hook-up” culture, which I have no problem with. The problem I have is the objectification that tends to coincidently run rampant throughout these casual encounters. Often, if you’re looking for more of casual, no-strings-attached type of relationship, those that pursue you tend not to have the best manners.
Just because I only want to see you once, does not give you the right to treat me like a toy that you can use, throw away and forget about. That’s just not how you treat another human being in general, nevertheless a human being that freely gave you time, energy and attention.
Honestly, what is the harm in just saying hello to someone?
I have a theory that we’ve lost the ability to have meaningful romantic relationships because we’re losing the ability to connect with each other on a deeper than surface level.
Due to the excessive screen communication and lack of intimacy in the real world, we fail to put into practice the skills required to build an advanced relationship with someone we care about.
In addition, the drive for instant gratification causes us to frequently rush into relationships before getting to know the person and we end up broken-hearted and traumatized. Let that happen a couple times and it’s enough to make you never want to try and get emotionally connected to anyone ever again.
It’s human nature to want to be loved, accepted, valued and when we tire of the flings and start searching for a relationship which can satisfy these needs, it’s like searching for a diamond in the rough. The search seems endless and many give up on the hope of ever finding the mythical beast called love.
I can see how it is easier to throw in the towel, I've done it plenty myself.
I’ve always felt that innate desire to be unconditionally loved, even cherished, by someone and to be able to return such feelings to them. For a long time, I wanted it so badly that I tried to make it happen anywhere I could.
I put my heart into the worst hands and it got broken, nearly beyond repair. At this point, I was ready to give up, accept defeat and the fact that I would need to get comfortable being alone.
I felt I had no love left to give, not romantically at least, but you know how they always say when you stop looking for it, it happens?
I’m clinging to that hope and I still believe in true love. I have a rejuvenated confidence that I will find it one day because as soon as I gave up, someone walked into my life and broke down every wall I had built up. We can’t with absolute certainty predict what life will bring us, but we can control what we hope for and I choose to hope that true love has not gone extinct.