Has Social Media Ruined Our Ability To Connect?

Has Social Media Ruined Our Ability To Connect?

What is love? Baby, don't hurt me.

The modern dating world is driven by social media and communication primarily exists through the use of technology. When you can easily get a date just by swiping your phone screen or following someone on Instagram it becomes too easy to skip the wooing that used to be so important in dating.

The romance seems to have dissipated into pixelated LED lights and been swept away in the vast abyss that is social media. There is no more courting, no more earning and there seems to be a lack of motivation to impress. We’ve become so used to instant gratification and ease of communication that in our dating world, real love seems to have gone extinct. I just wonder, what happened to it?

When our grandparents were dating, it was customary to court someone you were interested in. Maybe I’m old fashioned or a hopeless romantic, but a certain level of respect in a suitor’s words and actions would go a long way nowadays. I’m not saying we need to revert back to sexist ideals that strictly define the roles of men and women in relationships, not at all. I think one of the most amazing things about the Millennial generation is how open and accepting of all types of relationships we have become.

I do, however, think that if you are pursuing someone, you should recognize that you are trying to earn their attention. You’re trying to convince them to give you their time, something undeniably valuable in this fast, unpredictable life. So, I don’t know where it got lost in translation, but coming at someone with aggressive, overtly sexual comments does absolutely nothing in convincing them to even acknowledge you, nevertheless give you a millisecond of their time.

In the current dating world, there exists a very prevalent “hook-up” culture, which I have no problem with. The problem I have is the objectification that tends to coincidently run rampant throughout these casual encounters. Often, if you’re looking for more of casual, no-strings-attached type of relationship, those that pursue you tend not to have the best manners.

Just because I only want to see you once, does not give you the right to treat me like a toy that you can use, throw away and forget about. That’s just not how you treat another human being in general, nevertheless a human being that freely gave you time, energy and attention.

Honestly, what is the harm in just saying hello to someone?

I have a theory that we’ve lost the ability to have meaningful romantic relationships because we’re losing the ability to connect with each other on a deeper than surface level.

Due to the excessive screen communication and lack of intimacy in the real world, we fail to put into practice the skills required to build an advanced relationship with someone we care about.

In addition, the drive for instant gratification causes us to frequently rush into relationships before getting to know the person and we end up broken-hearted and traumatized. Let that happen a couple times and it’s enough to make you never want to try and get emotionally connected to anyone ever again.

It’s human nature to want to be loved, accepted, valued and when we tire of the flings and start searching for a relationship which can satisfy these needs, it’s like searching for a diamond in the rough. The search seems endless and many give up on the hope of ever finding the mythical beast called love.

I can see how it is easier to throw in the towel, I've done it plenty myself.

I’ve always felt that innate desire to be unconditionally loved, even cherished, by someone and to be able to return such feelings to them. For a long time, I wanted it so badly that I tried to make it happen anywhere I could.

I put my heart into the worst hands and it got broken, nearly beyond repair. At this point, I was ready to give up, accept defeat and the fact that I would need to get comfortable being alone.

I felt I had no love left to give, not romantically at least, but you know how they always say when you stop looking for it, it happens?

I’m clinging to that hope and I still believe in true love. I have a rejuvenated confidence that I will find it one day because as soon as I gave up, someone walked into my life and broke down every wall I had built up. We can’t with absolute certainty predict what life will bring us, but we can control what we hope for and I choose to hope that true love has not gone extinct.

Cover Image Credit: Pixabay

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To Everyone Who Hasn't Had Sex Yet, Wait For Marriage, It's The Right Move

If you have not had sex yet, wait.


Premarital sex is not a new concept, no matter how much people like to pretend it is. You can trace scripture and historical texts back thousands of year to see that lust and fornication have been a problem since… well, since we humans have been problems.

They tell you in sex ed that sex causes you to form a bond with someone. They throw some big chemical names at you that are apparently in your body and cause that emotional attachment to happen, then you move on (or back to) how important condoms are and why STDs are so scary.

As a middle schooler or teenager, you can't understand what it means to become permanently connected to someone as a result of a quick, physical act.

If you haven't even had your first kiss, you really can't imagine what it's like to develop such a complex and intimate connection with someone because you have yet to feel the butterflies in your stomach from a kiss. So you really don't know what it's like to have a whole different type of feeling in your stomach.

You never forget your first love. It's one of the most cliche things you consistently hear, but it's true. Ask anyone. I guarantee your parents can still spurt out their first love's name in a few seconds. And most people never forget their first time. I know all my friends can recount that often awkward and slightly terrifying moment as if it happened an hour ago. When you mix those two, especially if you are in your teens, oh boy.

You never forget that. No matter how hard you try.

Everything you hear about sex is true: it's amazing, fantastic, life-changing, etc. There's a reason people have done it as frequently as they do, for as long as they have. But every time you sleep with someone, you leave a piece of yourself with them. Every time you choose to take that final physical step with someone, you cannot go back and collect that piece of your dignity and soul that you left with someone.

So, imagine what happens when you break up with someone you've slept with. Or that you just hooked up with. You have given someone a little slice of yourself forever. And you can never get it back. And imagine what happens when you do that multiple times. You give a piece of yourself to five, 10, 15, 20 or more people. Then you meet the person that you want to spend forever with. And you no longer have that whole part of you. You've given pieces away, and you can no longer give those to the love of your life.

So, save those pieces for your future spouse.

If you have not had sex yet, wait. If you have, consider not giving more pieces of yourself away to people who are not your spouse. Sex was created to be between two spouses, nobody else. So we need to try to maintain its integrity.

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Until You Put A Ring On Their Finger, They’re Not Family

"Ohana means family. Family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten." ~Stitch


If your mom is the traditionalist sort of mother mine is, the title probably sounds just like something your mom has told you about bae. It's something I resented for a long time, and then I just tolerated. It wasn't until I rewatched "Lilo and Stitch" that what my mom had always said finally clicked.

I hadn't seen "Lilo and Stitch" since I was a little kid. Back then, I think I mostly appreciated the sing-along songs and funny Bleakly moments, as most kids do. And believe me, I still love every one of those moments. But when you rewatch a childhood movie in your 20s, you find a lot more meaning behind everything.

Towards the beginning of the movie, Lilo makes the same mistake a lot of us have made or will make at some point: putting bae before everyone else, including family. And that's where the disagreement sets in. By a lot of people's way of thinking, your S.O. is family.

You probably know all about each other, from the best to the worst. You tell each other everything and go everywhere together. You might've been together for three months or even three years, but regardless you love each other a lot and can't imagine a life without the other. Until you break up.

Because you will break up. It sounds harsh, but if you've had a breakup before you understand this, and if you haven't you will at some point. And when you do, you're not going to be calling boo family anymore.

You can't cry on your S.O.'s shoulder when they're the reason you're broken. That dynamic duo thing you had going for so long is ripped out from under you, and suddenly you'll feel more like an island than ever before.

That doesn't sound like family to me. Someone who is family is someone you can count on, always. Not just when things are going well, but in spite of things going the way you want them to.

Family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.

There's a good chance you haven't always felt like your family treated you that way. Maybe like my mom, they don't feel the same way about bae that you do. Please don't resent them for it; when the two of you break up, family—your true family—are the only ones that will be there for you.

It's also likely a self-fulfilling prophecy has been created around the whole situation. We push family away in favor of the people we think are closer than family, and then resent the rest for not being closer. Sometimes it takes something as upsetting as a breakup to realize who was really there all along, waiting for you to come to your better judgment.

Although it may seem difficult, if not impossible now, always put family first. They've been there for you a lot longer than your S.O. has, and you can count on them always being by your side. When you find someone who respects you for that decision, they might just be the one to seal the deal with.


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