I still wonder if breaking up with my best friend was the right thing to do. It's been so long, but I still miss everything about them. I still see videos I want to send them or buy little things in the store I know they'd love. I think more than anything, I just miss talking to them. Old photos can send you into a spiral just remembering how much you used to do together, how different things could have been if you would have just pushed through a little longer.
Self-reflection is really important in breakups. What about talking to this person do I really miss? I could call them about anything and everything and they'd answer. They might not have had the best advice, but there was still another perspective on what I was wondering about. Initially, it tore me apart; I just really wanted to reach out and make sure their day was going well or that they remembered to eat breakfast. Small things that we used to check up on were finished.
But it's important to remember why you two broke up. I started remembering how violent they got. If they were drunk, they'd hit me, pull my hair, threaten me, break things I owned. I realized that the "advice" I was given were subtle ways to put me down, and I never caught it. I had this blind love for this person who was physically and mentally hurting me. It was almost like there was no choice but to break up with them.
After a breakup, though, all you want to do is talk to your best friend. The person who knows you best, the one that can bring you back down to the ground after everything seems to go wrong. It's a hard adjustment period. You realize that you were dependent on each other, or maybe you were just made yourself think that. Maybe you were the one dependent on them. It doesn't matter how angry you get about what they used to do, you keep all these photos together where you can still hear them laughing. You can't reminisce with them anymore. You have to keep everything to yourself because your friends are sick of hearing about it. Of course, you can't go to your mom, either, because she already hates them for what they did to you.
No matter what, the worst part about breaking up with your best friend is not being able to talk to them anymore. There's a connection that was lost, but you have to remember the reason why you split up in the first place. Once you realize why it becomes a little easier.