If You Want To Forget About Your Ex, Follow These 3 Tips

If You Want To Forget About Your Ex, Follow These 3 Tips

I've moved on now, so should you.

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You're on a date with your partner, having a good time when suddenly your phone starts ringing. You excuse yourself, check who is calling and it's...your ex. You debate between picking up or ignoring his call, but what if he/she got into an accident? What if his cousin that became one of your close friends have been trying to reach you. Or, their mom is asking for your family recipe for Christmas pie because she loved it.

So what do you do? You awkwardly send a text asking what they want and immediately regret when their reply come through... you.

I had never gone through that before, however, during movie night, a guy that was not my ex hit me up and dared to ask if I still had a boyfriend. What a joke! Later that week, I spoke to a friend, and she told me that that is a pretty common event. When you're happy with someone, the people that played with your heart come up to you trying to be all nice and try to have something with you; even though it's clear that you are serious about your current relationship.

So what to do?

1. Block.

The golden rule that we should all start practicing is to block your ex. The only exception to this rule is if you and your ex end in a good note (those are rare but are real). I used to think that blocking people was extreme or immature, but as time passed, I learned that sometimes, it is the best solution. Sure, you might have to block him/her on every social media and change your Netflix password. I would first block his phone number, but if it gets out of hand social media it is. Your ex must learn that their time passed and you have moved on. It may seem annoying that they are hitting you up after months of not knowing from them, but it's their loss.

2. Focus on your happiness.

You're not with your ex anymore. You are not spending hours wondering if you'll get back together. You're not chasing after them regardless of their red flags, anymore. Now, you are with a person that respects you, that accepts you and its there for you. The fact that someone that you once hoped or had something with is trying to be part of your life when you are content means that they are jealous and want to have what you have (or ruin to have what you have). Keep doing what you are doing, post pictures with your boo, go to double dates, and be happy.

3. Forget your ex existed.

When I say this, I don't mind completely ignore them. What I mean is, forget about all of the bad memories! As stated above, focus on your happiness. Don't let bad memories and bad experiences with your ex cloud your future judgment! For example, don't say that you don't trust anyone because your ex did you dirty. Yes, he did you dirty, so what? That doesn't mean every person you encounter from here on will do the same.

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An Open Letter To The Guy I'm Finally Getting Over

I think I'm ready to listen to the happy Taylor Swift songs again.
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I remember when all of this started. I couldn't have predicted you if I'd tried. I was so focused on myself that it took me a while to even admit I was interested in you. You were the one I didn't see coming, and then before long, you were the one I couldn't imagine leaving.

I'll be honest. I lied to myself and to everyone else for a long time. “We aren't anything serious," I'd say. “I'm just having fun." How stupid was I to think that I could resist getting caught up in you? Those months that we spent together were some of the best of my life. I didn't think it was possible for someone to make me laugh like you did, to make me feel the way you did. You brought out a side of me I had never seen before, and even though that scared me, I didn't want it to stop.

You had me so fooled.

One day, just like that, you were gone, and before I knew it I couldn't even recognize myself anymore. I couldn't imagine how someone I had given so much to could just leave like that and not even look back. The months after that was a string of waking up and losing you all over again, telling my friends I was fine one second and crying to them the next. And the second I started thinking I was OK, I saw you again. We talked, I cried, I yelled, you cried, you yelled, and for a couple of weeks I pretended that everything would be OK, and you really meant it this time and we would make it. But just like before, it wasn't real.

Realizing that took me longer than I'd like to admit, but this is what I need you to know: I'm moving on. Finally, after months of dialing your number just to talk myself out of it, I can say that I'm moving on. I won't listen to sad songs anymore. I won't look at our pictures and re-live the days we spent together. I'm erasing every trace of you. I'm smiling brighter, I'm laughing louder, and if it's the last thing I do, I swear I'll find something that's better than what we had.

That's not to say that your memory won't knock the breath out of me on a Tuesday afternoon when our song comes through my headphones. That's not to say that I won't remember the promises you made me and want to scream at myself for ever believing you. But the difference is that I'll recognize the pain in those memories, and then I'll set them down and walk away. Because I'm done carrying them with me and I'm done giving you that power over me.

So don't call me up someday when I've finally forgotten your laugh, don't think about me at all if you can help it. You lost that right when you made the choices you did. This isn't some stupid love story we'll tell later down the road about how we beat the odds and came through stronger on the other side. This is done, do you understand? I'm finally done.

Years from now I'll look back on the adventures we had and laugh at how crazy we were. I'll remember the fierce happiness I felt while we were running wild together and I'll be grateful for this because it has molded me in ways I can't begin to explain. Someday I'll tell my daughter about you and pray that she learns from my mistakes, and when that day comes I'll wonder where you are and genuinely wish you the kind of happiness that I will have found.

I know you'll never read this. But I'll read this, on those nights when it feels like everything is starting to fall apart. Again and again and again, I'll read this and remind myself of the promise I'm making at this very moment, to look forward and stop letting your memory dictate my happiness. Someone wise once said, “Suddenly you'll just know, that it's time to start something new and trust the magic of beginnings." Well, I'm trusting that this was just one short chapter of my book, and this is me turning the page.

On to the next.

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An Open Letter To The People I Decided To Stop Fighting For

"Stop begging and fighting for people to love you the right way. Stop investing time in people who don't mind if you stay or leave." — Reyna Biddy

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To the people I decided to stop fighting for,

It's not you, it's me. It's me who made the choice to put your needs above mine for longer than I should have. It's me who let myself be involved in an endless cycle of giving, without taking. It's me who continues to see the best in people even when shown a million reasons to take off the goggles-- to not float back down to Earth, back to reality. But to crash into pieces of what was once a flawless facade.

But it's you who were never going to change.

You were never going to see all the ways you hurt me, and I was never going to force you to. Just as you failed to understand, I failed to tell you there were repercussions... because there weren't.

I am a kind person, and I will not stop being kind. I am a compassionate person, and I will not stop being compassionate. I will, however, stop letting my kindness and compassion act as a gateway for mistreatment, for not second chances but third and fourth and fifth chances. Chances that you never asked for, but that I gave you anyways.

I have to walk away from the one-sidedness, from the excuses that I handed you on a silver platter. I let you walk all over me, and I even shined your shoes in the process. I am done using amazing memories as a means of masking toxicity with a happy past. The thing about memories is that they're used to reminisce about the previous, but I used them to excuse the things that you do in the present.

You were never going to stop making me feel small when all I'd do is try to lift you up. I suppose the more you let someone treat you as though you're small, the more they believe it is OK to do this, it is OK to belittle you. But it was never OK, and that's on me. It was me who'd tell you the ways you had hurt me, only to have you repeat them over and over again without consequence. And it was me who was fine with this.

I am without anger, without frustration, and without sadness.

I feel nothing but love for you, but I must also love myself enough to stop fighting and to let go of things not meant for me, things that no longer bring me joy and peace in my life.

Now I am exhausted, far too tired to fight for people who judge instead of love, who bicker instead of trying to understand. Because you weren't going to change. You won't change. And that's OK, that I've made peace with. But I have to change — I have to stand up for myself, and I have to walk away.

So I lay down my armor and I throw up my shield because it's time to start protecting myself, to start fighting for me.

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