Even In Happy Relationships, You Need Alone Time

Even If You Love Being With Your Boo 24/7, Your Relationship Needs Alone Time

It's about understanding yourself and having the self-awareness to analyze your own emotions and behavior.

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I know, I know.

You love your boyfriend. He's your bae, your other half, your lover, your soulmate, your forever, your best friend. You love him. You're attached to him. You're obsessed with him.

But he's also a human being that you have to maintain a relationship with. And that means that you're going to have to put in time and effort to help that relationship flourish. The specific effort that I'm talking about here isn't about buying presents, spending quality time together, etc. (Although, it's definitely important to learn your partner's love language.) Here, I'm talking about the effort that involves understanding yourself and having the self-awareness to analyze your own emotions and behavior.

Life can be complicated and stressful. Especially at this age, we're trying to juggle so many things at once. That's why it can be helpful to call a time out. I believe that you always need to take time for yourself to assess everything that's going on in your head. And by alone time, I don't mean chilling in your room, watching Netflix and texting three people.

I mean, ALONE, alone.

When you have constant stimulation from outside sources (like people or technology), you can't really clear your head and focus solely on yourself. So turn off all distractions. Just sit on your bed or go for a walk, and listen to your inner voice. Think over everything that's happened the last few days, or last week. How do you feel? Is there anything that you've been pushing to the back of your mind?

Think about negative situations that you were in. How can you improve and potentially decrease the number of negative situations? What could you have done to avoid that argument that you had with your boyfriend last week? Do you need to learn to be in better control of your emotions? Are you remaining accountable for your actions? Are you putting too much pressure on other people?

Also, think about the positive situations that you were in. How can you create more do these positive situations? Can you make more time to see that one friend that always makes you laugh? Can you set an alarm every morning so you can regularly focus on meditation? Can you make the commitment to go to the gym at least two to three times a week? Can you avoid letting one bad situation ruin the rest of your day?

If you can get into the habit of breaking your thoughts and feelings down, I think that you can become a lot more in-tune with your mistakes, wants, needs, skills, etc. And this self-awareness can even help you with the relationships you have with friends and family members as well. So it's worth a shot!

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Why You Should Stop Chasing Him

You deserve better.
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They say “the thrill of the chase" makes someone more enticing. There's just something about wanting something you can't have that drives you crazy (in a good way). There is never a dull moment. Pursuing him is a challenge. Nothing comes easily. What's the fun in that anyway?

I'm going to tell you this: stop chasing him. Stop forgiving him when he forgets to answer your text messages and phone calls. Stop being the one to always make plans. Stop letting him bail on you. Stop waiting around for him. Stop being lied to. Stop making excuses when he doesn't make time for you. There is a difference between someone who is “hard to get" and a flat out jerk who doesn't give you the time of day. Stop letting him use you.

You deserve to be with someone who makes you fall asleep every night in the middle of texting him because neither of you want the conversation to end. You deserve someone who plans dates for the two of you. You deserve someone who asks you to hang out before midnight. You deserve someone who wants to spend time with you just as much as you do with them. You deserve someone who insists on paying for your ice cream. You deserve someone who won't deceive you. You deserve someone who is straightforward. You deserve attention. You deserve affection. You deserve a partnership that is mutual, not one-sided. You deserve to be chased.

You are better than 3 a.m. “Hey" texts. You are better than a night spent watching a movie just to fool around. You are better than trying to decode his vague messages. You are better than his shadiness. You are better than mind games. You are better than being ignored.

If you have to chase him, he's not worth it. Don't settle for someone who makes you beg for his attention. If he is genuinely interested in getting to know you, he will put in the effort. A relationship where your feelings are reciprocated is far more rewarding than one where you constantly feel like you have to drag him along.

Change your mentality. Become more independent. Be confident, be bold. Find happiness in being alone. Don't waste your time pathetically chasing after someone who doesn't feel the same, but doesn't have the heart or the courage to tell you so. Your self-confidence and positivity will make you radiant, and eventually, you will attract the kind of guy who is mature enough to not mess with your head.

Cover Image Credit: weheartit.com

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A Letter To My Future Partner, Buckle Up For A Wild Ride

I KNOW that we'll be able to face whatever life throws at us.

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Dear Future Partner,

You may know me right now, you might not, but one thing is for certain: for some reason, God wanted us to spend our lives together. I don't know why or how. All I know is that it's His plan.

That's actually the first thing you should know about me. I am a Christian. I go to church at least once a week when possible and even serve in the nursery/preschool area. It is totally fine if you don't want to come to church with me. I want you to be a Christian, but if God wants me to lead you to Him, then so be it. I also want kids (right now, at least). Adopted or biological, it doesn't matter. All that matters is that I want to give a child a loving home and them never having to worry about whether or not someone cares for them. I also want pets. At least a cat and dog. Get ready for adventures.

Enough about me. Let's talk about us.

There are going to be fights and disagreements. No one said marriage was easy, but we HAVE to communicate. Like, for real. We have to be able to tell each other things, even if we're worried the other one won't like it. Also, I will need you to be patient with me as I figure out this thing called life. It's hard. It might be hard for you as well, and I will be there. I also need you to understand that I have bad days. I mean a LOT of them. I still love you, even if I can't show it.

Speaking of love, my primary love language is acts of service and my secondary is words of affirmation. Even small things such as taking out the trash, tidying things up, or just saying you believe in me when I least expect it will mean the WORLD to me. However, my least compatible love language is physical touch. Sure, kisses here and there are great and are almost like words of affirmation in my opinion, but I believe there is such a thing as OVERLY affectionate. I love you, but we don't need to be all up on each other all the time. I can't wait to know your love language so that we can be the best partners we can.

There might be a point in our marriage where we'll wonder if it's even worth it anymore. If (and I pray it doesn't) that happens, we have GOT to push through. We have to work TOGETHER. Coming from parents who made a long distance (and I mean like Hawaii and Alabama long distance) marriage work, I KNOW that we'll be able to face whatever life throws at us. We're in this together. We're a team. I want us to give 100% when possible. I know it will be hard. There might be days where it's 80/20, but I know that with your support, I will be the best partner I possibly can.

Love,

Your Future Partner

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