Even In Happy Relationships, You Need Alone Time

Even If You Love Being With Your Boo 24/7, Your Relationship Needs Alone Time

It's about understanding yourself and having the self-awareness to analyze your own emotions and behavior.

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I know, I know.

You love your boyfriend. He's your bae, your other half, your lover, your soulmate, your forever, your best friend. You love him. You're attached to him. You're obsessed with him.

But he's also a human being that you have to maintain a relationship with. And that means that you're going to have to put in time and effort to help that relationship flourish. The specific effort that I'm talking about here isn't about buying presents, spending quality time together, etc. (Although, it's definitely important to learn your partner's love language.) Here, I'm talking about the effort that involves understanding yourself and having the self-awareness to analyze your own emotions and behavior.

Life can be complicated and stressful. Especially at this age, we're trying to juggle so many things at once. That's why it can be helpful to call a time out. I believe that you always need to take time for yourself to assess everything that's going on in your head. And by alone time, I don't mean chilling in your room, watching Netflix and texting three people.

I mean, ALONE, alone.

When you have constant stimulation from outside sources (like people or technology), you can't really clear your head and focus solely on yourself. So turn off all distractions. Just sit on your bed or go for a walk, and listen to your inner voice. Think over everything that's happened the last few days, or last week. How do you feel? Is there anything that you've been pushing to the back of your mind?

Think about negative situations that you were in. How can you improve and potentially decrease the number of negative situations? What could you have done to avoid that argument that you had with your boyfriend last week? Do you need to learn to be in better control of your emotions? Are you remaining accountable for your actions? Are you putting too much pressure on other people?

Also, think about the positive situations that you were in. How can you create more do these positive situations? Can you make more time to see that one friend that always makes you laugh? Can you set an alarm every morning so you can regularly focus on meditation? Can you make the commitment to go to the gym at least two to three times a week? Can you avoid letting one bad situation ruin the rest of your day?

If you can get into the habit of breaking your thoughts and feelings down, I think that you can become a lot more in-tune with your mistakes, wants, needs, skills, etc. And this self-awareness can even help you with the relationships you have with friends and family members as well. So it's worth a shot!

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I'd Rather Be Single Than Settle: Here Is Why Being Picky Is Okay.

They're on their best behavior when you're dating.
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Dating nowadays described in one word: annoying. What's even more annoying? when people tell you that you're being too "picky" when it comes to dating. Yes, from an outside perspective sometimes that's exactly what it looks like; however, when looking at it from my perspective it all makes sense. I've heard it all, "He was cute, why didn't you like him?" "You didn't even give him a chance!" "You pay too much attention to the little things!"

What people don't understand is that it's OKAY to be picky when it comes to guys. For some reason, girls in college freak out and think they're supposed to have a boyfriend by now, be engaged by the time they graduate, etc. It's all a little ridiculous; however, I refuse to put myself on a time table such as this due to the fact that these girls who feel this way are left with no choice but to overlook the things in guys that they shouldn't be overlooking, they're settling and this is something that I refuse to do.

So this leaves the big question: What am I waiting for?

Well, I'm waiting for a guy who...

1. Wants to know my friends.

Blessed doesn't even begin to describe how lucky I am to have the friends that I do. I want a guy who can hang out with my friends. If a guy makes an effort to impress your friends then that says a lot about him and how he feels about you. This not only shows that he cares about you but he cares about the people in your life as well. Someone should be happy to see you happy and your friends contribute to that happiness, therefore, they should be nothing more than supportive and caring towards you and your friendships.

2. Actually, cares to get to know me.

Although this is a very broad statement, this is the most important one. A guy should want to know all about you. He should want to know your favorite movie, favorite ice cream flavor, favorite Netflix series, etc. Often, (the guys I get stuck on dates with) love to talk about themselves: they would rather tell you about what workout they did yesterday, what their job is, and what they like to do rather than get to know you.

This is something easy to spot on the first date, so although they may be "cute," you should probably drop them if you leave your date and can recite everything about their life since the day they were born, yet they didn't catch what your last name was.

3. How they talk about other women.

THIS IS CRUCIAL FOR FINDING A NICE GUY. It does not matter who they're talking about, if they call their ex-girlfriend crazy we all know she probably isn't and if she is it's probably their fault. If they talk bad about their mom, let's be honest, if they're disrespecting their mother they're not going to respect you either. If they mention girl's physical appearances when describing them. For example, "yeah, I think our waitress is that blonde chick with the big boobs." Well if that doesn't hint they're a complete f* boy then I don't know what else to tell you. And most importantly calling other women "bitches" that's just disrespectful.

Needless to say, if his conversations are similar to ones you'd hear in a frat house, ditch him.

4. Phone etiquette.

If he can't put his phone down long enough to take you to dinner then he doesn't deserve for you to be sitting across from him. If a guy is serious about you he's going to give you his undivided attention and he's going to do whatever it takes to impress you and checking snapchat on a date is not impressive. Also, notice if his phone is facedown, then there's most likely a reason for it. He doesn't trust who or what could pop up on there and he clearly doesn't want you seeing. Although I'm not particularly interested in what's popping up on their phones, putting them face down says more about the guy than you think it does.

To reiterate, it's okay to be picky ladies, you're young, there's no rush. Remember these tips next time you're on a date or seeing someone, and keep in mind: they're on their best behavior when you're dating. Then ask yourself, what will they be like when they're comfortable? Years down the road? Is this what I really want? If you ask yourself these questions you might be down the same road I have stumbled upon, being too picky.. and that's better than settling. :)

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It's 2019: Why Do We Still Think Ghosting is Okay?

It's time to finally be mature and confront this epidemic.

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As a fellow college student and a girl living in a big city, I'm aware that the opportunity to meet new people is everywhere. During the summer, apps like Snapchat and Instagram pave a pathway to those opportunities, whether it be a boy from your college or someone from your hometown you haven't seen before. We have all grown accustomed to those summer flings, where you speak for hours on end and it's all dandy and beautiful. You're telling everyone about this new boy, and your brain is literally reeling with daydreams. And then, the inevitable happens.

They stop responding.

Nothing feels worse than someone leaving your message on 'read,' and then never hearing from them again. It feels as though the person you're talking to could care less about you, and that they could easily go on about their life pretending you never existed. Normally, I would recommend you take a good, hard look at yourself and ask if it really matters, but this epidemic has spread far and wide enough to make me realize that society has normalized this issue.

We've gotten used to the idea of being ghosted because we're too scared to create those deeper connections. I'm used to thinking to myself, "If we talk for too long, this might actually go somewhere." I'm used to realizing that all good things must come to an end, simply because everyone ends up being too afraid to talk. And it is sad to think about, to think that someone could toss a human aside like it's nothing.

To be honest, we have all ghosted someone before. Even if it's a friend or someone who was interested in us, it is all the same. Sometimes it makes us feel like we're winning like we have all the power. We left that person wondering about us. But in what universe has it become okay to torture someone like that, to let their mind wander off about what they might have done, or why they weren't good enough for you? Sure, we might have all ghosted someone before, but that doesn't mean it should be a normalized thing.

I know I can't make a crazy impact on the world by asking if ghosting is necessary, and it won't stop the frat boys of this universe, but we should finally be mature enough to realize that ghosting isn't something to be proud of. You shouldn't be proud of hurting other people's feelings and making them feel lesser of themselves. You shouldn't be happy that you're frightened by the idea of commitment or even worse, an actual human connection.

We should communicate with people. Talk about your day or talk about why the freaking sky is blue. And if you're not interested in someone, maybe instead of ghosting them, you let them know why they might not be the right fit for you. If we communicated more with others, we might realize that there are more words and stories to every person. So, respond. Stop being scared.

Because with the way society is headed, there might not be enough words left to save us in the future.

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