After Giving His State of the Union Address

Just gave the State of the Union address in front of Congress. I can't tell how many times people stood up and applauded, but it was the largest amount of times the address was interrupted by applause ever, period! Now I need to go sign another Executive Order. I have no idea which one it will be, but I will sign it! America will be great again!

10:17 PM - 28 Feb 2017

On Mexico Still Not Paying for the Wall

The president of Mexico is one bad hombre! His government still has not paid the United States for building this much needed wall. Because of this, I'm making the wall 50 feet higher, and it will only cost a few million dollars, which Mexico will pay. People need to be held accountable for their actions. Sad!

3:24 AM - 4 Feb 2017

On Meryl Streep Not Winning An Oscar

Meryl Streep is still one of the most over-rated actresses in Hollywood. No one ever wins an Oscar for playing an old broad who can't sing. Emma Stone totally deserved her award for the La La movie. She was also great in Aloha. Very convincing Asian woman. She's a borderline 10, while old Meryl is probably a 4. Also, an outrage that John Williams wasn't nominated this year for that music category. Academy is rigged!

1:48 AM - 27 Feb 2017

On Continuous Criticism of Sean Spicer

Sean Spicer is the best press secretary any president can ask for. I call him Sean Spice because he easily could have been the only guy in the Spice Girls. The man is well prepared for every press conference he gives. All he needs is Wikipedia and Bill O'Reilly to have detailed daily reports. Chewing two and a half packs of gum and swallowing each piece everyday is what he's been reduced to because of the terrible lies from the media, especially CNN, which is still fake news. Apologize!

4:57 AM - 2 Mar 2017

On Commemorating the Signing of His 500th Executive Order

Just signed my 500th executive order today. It was the best one yet. This order means Rosie O'Donnell will have to personally tell Planned Parenthood that the United States government will no longer fund them. Sounds so much better than the time I really wanted to sue her and then settle instead. Love!

9:11 AM - 10 Mar 2017

On His Choices for the Presidential Medal of Freedom

I am so humbly excited to award the Presidential Medal of Freedom to some outstanding individuals. Kanye West, Mike Tyson, and Hulk Hogan are people that young and old can look up to and they are bigly role models for us to follow. Melania and Ivanka are getting medals too. I love my job!

5:43 PM - 18 Mar 2017

His Reelection Campaign Slogan

Make Russia Communist Again!

8:02 AM - 8 Jan 2020