Half Past Twenty

Half Past Twenty

I'm ready for what life is going to throw at me.
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In my opinion, having a summer birthday is irrefutably the best set up one could ask for. My birthday is never overshadowed by another holiday. I have the option to take vacations because there’s no school, and I get presents every six months. As January rolls around, I’ve been thinking about all that I’ve learned in the past six months of my life.

I’ve had many ups and downs so far in my twentieth year. I turned twenty smack in the middle of a summer training program I attended in Tennessee. I my family was able to visit me the week of my birthday and I got to spend time with them. I was surrounded by 130 new and important friends. I was surprised with many sweets by many people. I was loved extra that day. It was a good day.

Fast-forward about three months, and the days were not as good. I was having a major rough patch. It felt like every time I did something, a huge wall was slammed in my face. I was frustrated with the way the semester was going. I was feeling alone and stressed and weighed down. I wanted to know why these things were happening to me. What did I do to piss God off? Was I doomed to have the rest of my year be like this? I had constant questions like these running through my mind. I wasn’t too sure what the rest of the semester would hold for me- I was apprehensive.

However, as things do, the rough season began to lighten up and I found my way back to normal life. I began to be more excited about the things I was involved in, and I looked forward to each day, wondering what it would hold in store for me. In both the happy times and the sad times, my twentieth year has already been a great teacher. I have relearned how to have patience. I have been shown what true, God-centered friendship looks like. I’ve learned how to lean on God in the bad times, and not just trust Him in fair weather only.

As I head into a semester that is sure to be bursting at the seams, what with fifteen credits versus my normal twelve, a possible internship, leading a Bible study, discipling a girl and being discipled myself, I’m sure to have very little free time. Not even mentioning a healthy social life, gym, sleep, homework, and church, church I am going to be running around like crazy There is sure to be bad times, whether I’m not doing so well in a class or whether I’m having friend issues, there will be hard times. But I am thankful for the good times that I am able to look back on when things get rough.

I am excited for everything I still have to learn about being twenty. I am heading into the coming six months with my head held high and with my steps purposeful. I am ready for whatever life is going to throw at me, because I’ve got God on my side, and I’ve already proven I could make it halfway, what’s another six months?

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I Ghosted My Old Self For 5 Months In An Effort To Reevaluate My Life

My life fell apart faster than a drunk dude approaching a Jenga stack.

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BREAKING (not fake) NEWS: It's true, you have to hit your lowest before hitting your highest.

I want to share my lowest with you, and I'm almost ashamed to say it had nothing to do with the loss of both of my parents. I like to think I handled that like a warrior.

Turns out I didn't, and the hurt I've been burying from that hit me all at once, the same moment my life fell apart faster than a drunk dude approaching a Jenga stack.

My life flipped upside down overnight back in August. I had my heart broken shattered, lost two very important friendships that I thought were with me until the end, lost my 9-5 job, my health took a hit stronger than a boulder, and I was absolutely lost. For the first time, ever, I let go of the reigns on my own life. I had no idea how to handle myself, how to make anyone around me happy, how to get out of bed or how to even begin the process of trying to process what the f*ck just happened. I was terrified.

Coming from the girl who never encountered a dilemma she couldn't fix instantaneously, on her own, with no emotional burden. I was checked out from making my life better. So I didn't try. I didn't even think about thinking about trying.

The only relatively understandable way I could think to deal with anything was to not deal with anything. And that's exactly what I did. And it was f*cking amazing.

I went into hiding for a week, then went on a week getaway with my family, regained that feeling of being loved unconditionally, and realized that's all I need. They are all I need. Friends? Nah. Family. Only. Always.

On that vacation, I got a call from the school district that they wanted me in for an interview the day I come home. It was for a position that entailed every single class, combined, that I took in my college career. It was a career that I had just gotten my degree for three months before.

I came home and saw my doctor and got a health plan in order. I was immediately thrown into the month-long hiring process for work. I made it a point to make sunset every single night, alone, to make sure I was mentally caught up and in-check at the same exact speed that my life was turning. I was not about to lose my control again. Not ever.

Since August, I have spent more time with family than ever. I've read over 10 new books, I've discovered so much new music, I went on some of my best, the worst and funniest first dates, I made true, loyal friends that cause me zero stress while completely drowning me in overwhelming amounts of love and support, I got back into yoga, and I started that job and damn near fell more in love with it than I ever was for the guy I lost over the summer.

But most importantly, I changed my mindset. I promised myself to not say a single sentence that has a negative tone to it. I promised myself to think three times before engaging in any type of personal conversation. I promised myself to wake up in a good mood every damn day because I'm alive and that is the only factor I should need to be happy.

Take it from a girl who knew her words were weapons and used them frequently before deciding to turn every aspect of her life into positivity — even in the midst of losing one of my closest family members. I have been told multiple times, by people so dear to me that I'm "glowing." You know what I said back? F*ck yes I am, and I deserve to.

I am so happy with myself and it has nothing to do with the things around me. It's so much deeper than that, and I'm beaming with pride. Of myself. For myself.

I want to leave you with these thoughts that those people who have hurt me, left me, and loved me through these last couple of months have taught me

Growth is sometimes a lonely process.
Some things go too deep to ever be forgotten.
You need to give yourself the permission to be happy right now.
You outgrow people you thought you couldn't live without, and you're not the one to blame for that. You're growing.
Sometimes it takes your break down to reach your breakthrough.

Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

My god, it's so f*cking good.

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8 New Years Resolutions You Can Actually Keep In 2019

Dear 2019, you will be MY year!

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The New year comes with a fresh start, you can finally start and be the person you want to be this year; however, the sad truth is most of the resolutions we keep does not last longer than the month of January.

1. Put yourself first

No matter what the situation let you and your mental health be first this year

2. Be kind to others

Every one always says treat others how you want to be treated, why not give this a go

3. Stop putting yourself down 

Just because you don't do something the way you want it to be done, don't say negative things about yourself this year

4. Dont settle... You deserve so much more

You are amazing let your amazingness shine through, no matter what it may be do not settle.

5. Be productive this year

This is the year to stop procrastinating

6. Love everything about you, even the imperfections

When you look at yourself in the mirror try and say at least on positive thing about your body

7. Make times for things you enjoy

Life is busy I get that, but why not set aside time to enjoy something that you love

8. let yourself appreciate everything life has to offer

we tend to get in our own head a little bit, don't let that be the case for 2019

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