Finding a good peer group is arguably one of the most essential things in fostering personal growth throughout the course of one's lifespan. As a bit of a psychology nerd, I could talk for hours about the presence of social influence in human interactions, or how the formation of in-group/out-group biases cause us to crave labels. Of course, we are also bombarded with this idea of "finding your tribe."

In my adolescence, I wasn’t the most popular; as a matter of fact, I wasn’t really connected to anyone outside my family. I was the girl who got into college and immediately ran toward this idea of finding a group of people who would change her. And you know what, it happened and felt really good for a long time, but then…it stopped. Now, I am here to let you in on a couple secrets through the lens of my massive failures in finding a group to fit in with, my period of forlorn wandering, and finally, my realization that my “tribe” was there all along, I just didn’t know it.

Rewind the tape to the Fall of 2014, a fresh-faced and hopeful girl steps on a college campus for the first time, she opens the door to the hallway and sees a pink poster advertising familial bonds, and to me, the hope of a place to become myself. So, fast-forward to November 2014; I am officially part of an incredible group of women. But something was off, I never perfectly fit in. Imagine a puzzle piece that needs shaving down to fit, and when the puzzle piece was finally shorn, it does nothing but distort the picture. Rather than accepting that I wasn’t a piece to that particular puzzle, I allowed myself to be shaved down, polished, and painted over to keep from distorting the picture. During the short months of interim between August and November, and the year that followed, I noticed a few really scary things about myself. I stopped caring about school, I stopped caring about driving home to see my family, I stopped wanting to go to church. I began caring far more about what it meant to be beautiful, fit, or desirable. I started conforming to societal norms that I had rebuked my whole life; I realized I wasn't myself anymore.

For many months after that, I was in an absolute tailspin. Here I was trying to get my old friends back, trying to patch my relationship with my family, trying to bolster my grades any way I could, trying to find God again. Here I was, in the same sadness that I was previously feeling along with the realization that I didn’t even have that group anymore. What’s a girl to do? Where did I go wrong?

Fast-forward to the beginning of 2016: Something amazing happened, I swallowed my pride, stopped feeling sorry for myself, and I gave myself a second chance. I was determined to find that group; I was going to find that family I was looking for. But before I did that, I took the lessons I’d learned in my previous experience, and the time to acknowledge who I am, and attempted to figure who I wanted to be. I spent more time with my family, I studied more, I invited friends for coffee, I started listening to people when they talked to me. Then the most pivotal point, I started going to church again. I needed to stop ignoring God’s presence in my life, something that was incomparably important to me growing up. I figured that was just a secret and personal part of myself that I always wanted to express, until I allowed myself to connect with people who felt the same.

So it happened, I didn’t stop going to church, and each time I went, I met a new person. Then I started branching out, meeting the other Orthodox youth in the area, then the whole southeast, then the whole nation throught the Orthodox Christian Fellowship. In doing that, I was able to start loving myself, my fellow man, and my Lord more than I ever thought possible. This realization culminated when I had the incredible opportunity to realize the growth that had occurred within me, and it set on me, this is my family. These people, my brothers and sisters in Christ, have always been my family, and they will always be.

So, where did the difference lie? How is it that I was able to somehow find this group, find satisfaction in myself, and find purpose by the Grace of God? It comes down to nothing more than the fact that my first journey was in an attempt to change myself, to become someone counter to the person I already was. My second journey, one that I pray continues for the rest of my life, was based on growing the person I already am, improving the woman I hope to one day be.

So let me leave you with this: If you know who you already are, figure who you want to be in life, and connect yourself with people who want to help you grow. Let yourself be vulnerable, and if someone has a quality that you want to adopt, let them help you. Find your tribe, your girl-gang, your village, your family. Whatever they are, find them. I wouldn't be this person, still flawed as I am, if it wasn't for the love and support of those around me. A family calls you out on your faults with affection, they acknowledge and encourage your attempts at self-betterment, for they love you as they love themselves. Surely, I hope that I have impacted at least someone in a similar way. Don't let anyone change you; be the missing puzzle piece that completes the picture once found.