I know, I'm not supposed to say anything, but I have to.
You claim that I'm wonderful, interesting, worth your time, and so on, but at the same time you're unwilling to commit to anything. You say "I care about you" and don`t want this to become something huge before it is. You want to "keep it quiet, just between us" and at first I think it's sweet. You only want us involved in this friendship/possible relationship. You want me to feel special, why does that need to be a secret? I feel like I have to go behind your back in order to tell my friends what a "great guy" you are, and I don`t like the pit I feel in my stomach as we giggle about the cute texts you sent me because I told you one would know.
It has been a week and you flirt with me constantly. What am I supposed to think? I've liked you for a while and start to think that maybe it'll work out this time. You seem to like me and I've been trying to show that I`m interested without being too obvious, even though it's written across my forehead in bold letters. You keep saying we should hang, go do something, but you never commit to anything. I should have heeded the warning signs but I was too caught up by the fact that someone was actually trying to get to know me. You expertly spun your web of excuses and I just happened to be the unlucky fly that decided to get tangled up in the mess.
You want to keep it a secret but this isn't some "forbidden love," it's barely even a friendship right now. We aren't dating. Why does it matter that your friends saw us walking down the hall talking or if we say hi in passing? Having a friend of the opposite sex is normal, it doesn't have to be weird, you're just making it that way. I`m a beast at Mario Kart, so let's get a group of friends together and have a go at it. Even going on a hike with everyone in the woods and getting stuck in a torrential downpour because no one checked the weather would be a blast.
You disappeared. I don't know why. I reread the messages, trying to see what I said to make you so distant. Then you hit me up again a few weeks later. The first time it happens I let it slide, but by the third time, I'm tired of it. For some reason, though, I can't get myself out. I feel like the ball in one of those handheld mazes you get as one of your stocking stuffers, spinning around and around, hitting dead end after dead end, never being able to rest in the holder in the middle. I hate playing these games but I want to win so badly that I try again and again, telling myself each time, okay, this is the last round, just give it one more shot.
But guess what? I'm done with that. If you want to hang out, go do something, I'm totally down. Yeah, my parents are going to ask if we're dating, but guess what I'll tell them? No. It's that simple.
I'm going to try and start listening to my friends when they point out the warning signs I love to ignore. I see this happen to others and have to hide myself because I let guys like this put me through the same things. I want you to be straight up with me, state your intentions. I don't want a guy who's going to screw with my emotions, I'm not going to settle for that. I have standards, and yes they are high, I'll admit it. At least that way I'll know when the right guy comes around, and I can avoid this endless cycle of boys who are only after the body, not the soul.
This way I won't have to "not tell anyone" anymore because as soon as those words pass between their lips, I'll be gone like the breath it took to speak them into existence.