To The Guy Who Proposed During His Best Friend's Wedding

To The Guy Who Proposed During His Best Friend's Wedding

Do you have any respect?
121
views

I was perusing the internet and a story caught my eye. A question was submitted to "Dear Prudence" a blog from "Slate Magazine" and it blew my mind. I never thought that anyone would ever do this at their best friend's wedding. Here is the question:

Q. My husband’s best friend proposed to his girlfriend during our wedding ceremony: My husband and I started dating, got pregnant, had a child, moved in together, bought a house, and got a dog in that order. Our friends and family have asked us for years why we weren’t married yet. We always pushed it off to build better lives. We’ve done really well for ourselves and finally reached a point where we could afford a huge blowout wedding to celebrate our lives with everyone we know and love. My husband’s best friend, “John,” was the best man/officiant. The setting was beautiful, everyone seemed happy, our families were overjoyed. My mom may have used the phrase hallelujah a few dozen times. The entire atmosphere felt moving. So moving in fact that John stopped mid-ceremony to propose to his longtime girlfriend, “Jane,” and reveal her pregnancy. I couldn’t even hear the vows my husband wrote or the rest of the ceremony over the noise of Jane’s happy sobs, her very surprised family who were also guests, and people seated nearby congratulating her. Even the videographer cut to her frequently during the ceremony, and you can’t hear anything over the chatter. When John gave his toast, he apologized for being caught up in the moment and then proceeded to talk about he and Jane’s future with nary a mention of us. During the reception, John and Jane became the primary focus of our guests. John even went out of his way to ask the band for a special dance for just him and Jane on the dance floor. I’ve never been an attention hog, and I wouldn’t even have minded if he’d proposed after the ceremony, but weeks later I am still seething. I am so shocked and angry that I keep asking myself if this is real life. My husband hasn’t spoken to John since the wedding, and our mutual friends think what he did was rude but that my husband should just get over it. My husband has joked that he’ll resume his friendship when John and Jane give him a $40,000 check for “their half of the wedding.” Do you think John’s behavior warrants the end of a long-term friendship, or are we angry over nothing?

Now I don't know about you, but I would be furious if this happened to me. I am not an attention hog whatsoever, it is a respect thing you only plan on getting married once. I understand if someone were to do a proposal during the reception, even then you should ask both the bride and groom if it was ok to do, that is at least not as bad as this. I understand that weddings are romantic and they could be one of the places that could have everyone you'd want to be around during a proposal, not to mention you'd get pictures and a video. But can we stop and recognize that this guy was OFFICIATING the wedding, not just in attendance. He stopped in the middle of the ceremony to propose to his girlfriend. He even took it one step further and announced that she was pregnant.

Then he returned back to the ceremony as if nothing had happened, while the entire audience is now distracted by the news of this engagement. The reason those people were at that wedding was to witness the marriage of someone important to them. Clearly, the best friend/best man/officiant didn't get the memo. I am not a fan of people proposing at other people's wedding, but if they asked the bride and groom if it was ok, then who I am to stand in their way.

Dear "John,"

I just want to say I hope you are prepared to lose a friend over this. I do not know if you will lose you best friend altogether, but I can say that your friendship will never be the same. It is a respect thing, you chose the wrong moment to propose. There is a time and place for that amazing moment, the middle of your best friend's wedding ceremony is not the time for that. You should have been celebrating the couple that stood before you pledging their love to each other forever.

You are probably getting a lot of hate from people, rightly so. But what the world thinks of you shouldn't matter. The only person you should be worried about is your best friend, the one who's wedding you ruined. I'm not being overdramatic, but let's be honest you ruined an unforgettable moment for them that they will never get back. I wish you would have thought of that before you did this.

Now, go to you friend and try with all your heart to apologize for what you did. You can never take back what happened, but if he ever meant anything to you then you need to swallow your pride and apologize to him and his wife for what you did. If you don't feel the need to apologize, well then you will likely lose your friend altogether. I just hope that at your wedding someone doesn't do this to you. You should probably think before you act.

Sincerely,

A person with a brain

Cover Image Credit: Stocksnap

Popular Right Now

A Senior's Last Week Of High School

The bittersweet end.
24193
views

Well, this is it. This is what we've worked so hard the last four years - who am I kidding - basically what seems like our whole lives for. This is the very last week we will set foot as a student in our high school's hallways. As most schools are getting ready to set their seniors free at last, it all begins to set in - the excitement, the anxiousness, and also the sentiment and nostalgia.

For seniors, the years since our first day as a freshman at the bottom of the high school totem pole have seemed endless, but as we look back on these last few weeks, we realize that this year in particular has gone by extraordinarily fast. It was just yesterday that we were sitting in our classrooms for the very first time, going to our 'last first' practice, and getting our first taste of the (very real) "senioritis". With all that's going on in our lives right now, from sports and clubs, finals, and the sought after graduation ceremony, it's hard to really sit down and think about how our lives are all about to become drastically different. For some it's moving out, and for some it's just the thought of not seeing your best friend on the way to fourth period English; either way, the feels are real. We are all in a tug of war with the emotions going on inside of us; everything is changing - we're ready, but we're not.

THE GOOD. Our lives are about to begin! There is a constant whirlwind of excitement. Senior awards, getting out of school early, parties, and of course Graduation. We are about to be thrust into a world of all new things and new people. Calling our own shots and having the freedom we have so desperately desired since the teenage years began is right around the corner. Maybe the best part is being able to use these new things surrounding you to grow and open your mind and even your heart to ideas you never could before. We get the chance to sink or swim, become our own person, and really begin to find ourselves.

Things we don't even know yet are in the works with new people we haven't even met yet. These friendships we find will be the ones to last us a lifetime. The adventures we experience will transform into the advice we tell our own children and will become the old tales we pass down to our grandkids when they come to visit on the weekends. We will probably hate the all night study sessions, the intensity of finals week, and the overpowering stress and panic of school in general, just like we did in high school... But it will all be worth it for the memories we make that will outlive the stress of that paper due in that class you absolutely hate. As we leave high school, remember what all the parents, teachers, coaches, and mentors are telling you - this are the best times of our lives!

THE BAD. The sentimental emotions are setting in. We're crying, siblings are tearing up, and parents are full-out bawling. On that first day, we never expected the school year to speed by the way it did. Suddenly everything is coming to an end. Our favorite teachers aren't going to be down the hall anymore, our best friends probably won't share a class with us, we won't be coming home to eat dinner with our families...

We all said we wanted to get out of this place, we couldn't wait, we were ready to be on our own; we all said we wouldn't be "so emotional" when the time came, but yet here we are, wishing we could play one more football game with our team or taking the time to make sure we remember the class we liked the most or the person that has made us laugh even when we were so stressed we could cry these past few years. Take the time to hug your parents these last few months. Memorize the facial expressions of your little sister or brother. Remember the sound of your dad coming home from work. These little things we take for granted every day will soon just be the things we tell our college roommate when they ask about where we're from. As much as we've wanted to get out of our house and our school, we never thought it would break our heart as much as it did. We are all beginning to realize that everything we have is about to be gone.

Growing up is scary, but it can also be fun. As we take the last few steps in the hallways of our school, take it all in. Remember, it's okay to be happy; it's okay to be totally excited. But also remember it's okay to be sad. It's okay to be sentimental. It's okay to be scared, too. It's okay to feel all these confusing emotions that we are feeling. The best thing about the bittersweet end to our high school years is that we are finally slowing down our busy lives enough to remember the happy memories.

Try not to get annoyed when your mom starts showing your baby pictures to everyone she sees, or when your dad starts getting aggravated when you talk about moving out and into your new dorm. They're coping with the same emotions we are. Walk through the halls remembering the classes you loved and the classes you hated. Think of the all great times that have happened in our high school years and the friends that have been made that will never be forgotten. We all say we hated school, but we really didn't. Everything is about to change; that's a happy thing, and a sad thing. We all just have to embrace it! We're ready, but we're not...

Cover Image Credit: Facebook

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

You Need To Accept That Not Every Friend Is A Forever Friend

We find ourselves forgiving these people, despite the consistent pain that they put us under.

31
views

Breaking up with a significant other and ending a romantic relationship is a form of heartbreak that is covered by the mass: we have movies that depict the kind of situation and songs that tell of the pain. Yet there's another kind of end to a relationship that is less covered and equally as agonizing — the end of a friendship.

You've most definitely heard of toxic romantic relationships, but toxic friendships are often overlooked. We tell ourselves that it's just a part of life, that sometimes friends hurt us and sometimes we fight. We find ourselves forgiving these people, despite the consistent pain that they put us under.

Toxicity is common within friends. A toxic friend feeds off of your hurt. They leave you out intentionally or create group chats without you. They'll constantly make you feel bad about yourself and make you believe that you are the one who's in the wrong. They utterly lack empathy, and don't care whether or not you are hurting, nor will they ask if you're okay. Typically, they love drama and will generate it at any given moment. They are pretty self-centered and only care about their own problems, never asking or listening to you about your own.

When a friend is causing you more stress than happiness, more harm than good, then they are not worth it. Friends are the people in your life who are supposed to be there for you and help you through this crazy, mixed-up world, and if someone is doing the exact opposite, you need to walk away.

The first step to letting these people go is to confront them for the last time. Try and discuss the situation with them. Generate conversation to see if there is an underlying problem that could be helped. If this person is still displaying toxic behaviors, you'll know that you've done everything you can to make it work and that this person is just someone who is never going to change their ways.

And the only thing left to do is to let them go.

It's not easy. In fact, it's nearly the furthest thing from it. It can alter your entire life, whether it be changing the dynamics within your friend group or distancing yourself from this toxic person. A lot of the times, the task of detaching yourself from a toxic friend seems so complex that we give up and forgive them.

Don't. As hard as it is, it will get easier. While one door closes, another one will open. You may find yourself open to new people and opportunities that you had never had when you were caught up with your old friend. You'll have time to learn to love yourself more because once you start to love yourself, you'll be able to more clearly differentiate between toxic and healthy treatment.

Some friends aren't forever. And that's okay. They come into your life, teach you lessons, provide memories, and leave. You are better off without that pain in your life. Know that not every person that comes into your life is going to be this way. You'll find people who are undyingly loving, supporting, and kind, who will be there for the rest of your lives. They will fill the void of what your toxic friend will never be able to be.

Related Content

Facebook Comments