To The Guy Who Proposed During His Best Friend's Wedding

To The Guy Who Proposed During His Best Friend's Wedding

Do you have any respect?
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I was perusing the internet and a story caught my eye. A question was submitted to "Dear Prudence" a blog from "Slate Magazine" and it blew my mind. I never thought that anyone would ever do this at their best friend's wedding. Here is the question:

Q. My husband’s best friend proposed to his girlfriend during our wedding ceremony: My husband and I started dating, got pregnant, had a child, moved in together, bought a house, and got a dog in that order. Our friends and family have asked us for years why we weren’t married yet. We always pushed it off to build better lives. We’ve done really well for ourselves and finally reached a point where we could afford a huge blowout wedding to celebrate our lives with everyone we know and love. My husband’s best friend, “John,” was the best man/officiant. The setting was beautiful, everyone seemed happy, our families were overjoyed. My mom may have used the phrase hallelujah a few dozen times. The entire atmosphere felt moving. So moving in fact that John stopped mid-ceremony to propose to his longtime girlfriend, “Jane,” and reveal her pregnancy. I couldn’t even hear the vows my husband wrote or the rest of the ceremony over the noise of Jane’s happy sobs, her very surprised family who were also guests, and people seated nearby congratulating her. Even the videographer cut to her frequently during the ceremony, and you can’t hear anything over the chatter. When John gave his toast, he apologized for being caught up in the moment and then proceeded to talk about he and Jane’s future with nary a mention of us. During the reception, John and Jane became the primary focus of our guests. John even went out of his way to ask the band for a special dance for just him and Jane on the dance floor. I’ve never been an attention hog, and I wouldn’t even have minded if he’d proposed after the ceremony, but weeks later I am still seething. I am so shocked and angry that I keep asking myself if this is real life. My husband hasn’t spoken to John since the wedding, and our mutual friends think what he did was rude but that my husband should just get over it. My husband has joked that he’ll resume his friendship when John and Jane give him a $40,000 check for “their half of the wedding.” Do you think John’s behavior warrants the end of a long-term friendship, or are we angry over nothing?

Now I don't know about you, but I would be furious if this happened to me. I am not an attention hog whatsoever, it is a respect thing you only plan on getting married once. I understand if someone were to do a proposal during the reception, even then you should ask both the bride and groom if it was ok to do, that is at least not as bad as this. I understand that weddings are romantic and they could be one of the places that could have everyone you'd want to be around during a proposal, not to mention you'd get pictures and a video. But can we stop and recognize that this guy was OFFICIATING the wedding, not just in attendance. He stopped in the middle of the ceremony to propose to his girlfriend. He even took it one step further and announced that she was pregnant.

Then he returned back to the ceremony as if nothing had happened, while the entire audience is now distracted by the news of this engagement. The reason those people were at that wedding was to witness the marriage of someone important to them. Clearly, the best friend/best man/officiant didn't get the memo. I am not a fan of people proposing at other people's wedding, but if they asked the bride and groom if it was ok, then who I am to stand in their way.

Dear "John,"

I just want to say I hope you are prepared to lose a friend over this. I do not know if you will lose you best friend altogether, but I can say that your friendship will never be the same. It is a respect thing, you chose the wrong moment to propose. There is a time and place for that amazing moment, the middle of your best friend's wedding ceremony is not the time for that. You should have been celebrating the couple that stood before you pledging their love to each other forever.

You are probably getting a lot of hate from people, rightly so. But what the world thinks of you shouldn't matter. The only person you should be worried about is your best friend, the one who's wedding you ruined. I'm not being overdramatic, but let's be honest you ruined an unforgettable moment for them that they will never get back. I wish you would have thought of that before you did this.

Now, go to you friend and try with all your heart to apologize for what you did. You can never take back what happened, but if he ever meant anything to you then you need to swallow your pride and apologize to him and his wife for what you did. If you don't feel the need to apologize, well then you will likely lose your friend altogether. I just hope that at your wedding someone doesn't do this to you. You should probably think before you act.

Sincerely,

A person with a brain

Cover Image Credit: Stocksnap

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