"New year, new me!" You've probably heard this saying multiple times since 2016 has begun. Whether it's being said sarcastically or literally, I think we can all agree it's pretty annoying. What's even more annoying though, are the people who actually think it will be a new year and new them. These are the same people who are occupying your favorite treadmill and taking too long to fill up their water bottle at the gym. Eighty percent of these people only last about two weeks until they crave an entire cookie cake and write 2016 off as a total loss. Those two weeks, though, can be brutal for gym regulars, so I have a solution for situations you may encounter that will make sure no one messes with your workout.
You arrive at the front desk to retrieve your towel just to hear the dreaded, "Sorry we're out, should be about 15 minutes."
If you choose to proceed to your workout without a towel, you should begin to think of names for what your eye-seeing dogs name will be since you will inevitably become permanently blinded with sweat after your first half mile on the treadmill. Take the safer route and hop the desk so you can rip the towel out of the pocket of a staff member, they won't need it since they aren't working out anyway.
The line to fill up your water bottle is absurdly long.
Cut to the front. It's pretty much the same as when you cut in line to get banded (don't deny it) except people may remember you the next day. Some call it rude I call it taking control of a situation.
Your favorite treadmill is occupied by someone you have definitely never seen before.
This one is an easy fix. Just hop on the treadmill next to them, the one without the fancy TV screen and easy to press incline and speed buttons. When they aren't looking, reach over and increase their speed to 13 mph. They will fly off the treadmill so you can hop on!
The usual body tone class you sign up for is so full you have no room to move.
No worries. Show up to class early with a bag of miscellaneous gym items (water bottle, heal phones, etc.) Grab as many mats as you can without being obvious and place them in a circle around your mat with the random gym items on them. When the class starts to fill up, everyone will see the mats and assume they're taken, by the time anyone realizes no one is coming the loud music will already be on and you can easily ignore their questions and whispers about the master scheme you just pulled off. Tip: when the class is over run out of the door as fast as you can.
Some newbie is taking 12 minute breaks between sets on a machine you want to use because, duh, they haven't been in a gym since last January.
Take a spray bottle full of water with you when you work out. If someone is taking too long on a machine get really close to their face and say "No! Bad!" and spray them three times. I used this trick to train my puppy so I know it works.
There are too many sweaty people hogging up the sauna.
Strip down to nothing but your underwear and sit uncomfortably close to people. There is a 90 percent chance they will leave, if they don't leave that's weird and you probably should.
If you are part of the 20 percent of people who stick to their new year's resolutions -- Mazel Tov! If not, I'll see you next year.