12 Guests Every Server Has Dealt With Before

12 Guests Every Server Has Dealt With Before

We've all had them.
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Honestly, sometimes you get some pretty interesting guests and tables as a server. Some you love, some you hate, and some just make you question if you're really cut out for this job.

1. The pickiest eater with the complicated order

"Hi, I want a boneless, skinless left side chicken breast with not a lot of seasoning but still seasoned, cooked through but not burnt on a separate plate."

2. The one who wants something that's not even on the menu

I'm sorry, sir, this is a pizza joint; we don't have filet mignon.

3. Or better yet, "Well someone let me do it before!"

That's nice Carol, but I'm sorry I'm not serving your 13-year-old niece wine. I don't feel like losing my job today.

4. The one who is mad they have to wait

I'm sorry you had to wait an hour for your party of 15 to be sat on a Friday night, and no, your well done 30oz porterhouse will not be ready in 10 minutes just because you're hungry.

5. The person who doesn't 'believe in tipping'

And I don't believe in being treated like a slave Barbra, but here we are.

6. The one who thinks they're your only table

Sure, let me just stop everything I'm doing until you leave, I can do that.

7. The regulars everyone loves

They're sweet, they care, they don't mind if they wait and they understand that things happen.

8. The regulars everyone hates

They're rude, picky, impatient, never tip well and everyone hopes they don't get stuck with them.

9. The table who lets their kids do whatever they want

This is a restaurant, not a playground.

10. The one who wants to talk to the manager

Half of the time you don't even know why they're upset; they just are.

11. The table whose food is never right

And they will send it back to the kitchen until it's good enough, then they eventually turn into person #10.

12. The one who restores your faith in humanity

A lot of people suck, but not everyone.

Cover Image Credit: Rocky as Herself

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I'm The Customer That Doesn't Always Tip 20 Percent

I can be your best friend or your worst nightmare, but it depends on YOU.
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As a server, I fully understand that myself, and others like me, make a living off of our tips.

I know how nice it is to get a $50 tip and how frustrating it is to get merely change when you did everything you could to make the unpleasable table happy. I am well aware that an acceptable tip is anywhere from 15-20% and I typically tip way over that.
However, I can easily say that there have been times where I have tipped anywhere from 5-15%. In these times, the tip was well deserved...or not deserved.

As before mentioned, I am a server, bartender, and part-time restaurant manager. It is safe to say that I know the business quite well. This makes me aware of the tipping process and what is deemed acceptable, but it also makes me aware of what a serving job entails. We are, without a doubt, the worst critics when we are out to eat. We noticed everything you did or didn't do and we timed how long it took to get our drinks -- it's just in our blood.

We also notice if you are genuinely good at your job, or if you are just there to be there.

The key point to any serving job is knowledge. I, as a customer, expect you to be able to answer almost all of my questions. If I ask you something absurd like "exactly where was your lettuce grown?" ....Like what the f****? Who knows that? But when I ask what beers you have on draft, or what all comes on a salad, I expect you to know it. If you don't, I dock it off your tip. No, it's not mean, it's you not holding up your end of the deal when you started this job.

I know that sometimes you get busy and it's hard to cater to someone's every need, but I do expect my refills in a timely manner and would also expect you to check back with me shortly after I get my food to make sure everything tastes good. I feel like that all is just common sense. If I have to wait for five minutes with an empty glass before I even have the chance to call you over, that's going to affect your tip. If you never check up on me after I get my food, guess what, I take it off your tip. If something goes wrong in the kitchen or you forgot to put my order in, do not avoid me. Tell me. I know how hard it is to tell a table that you are the one who screwed up their experience, but it is so much better to be honest and shows more about your integrity than by saying, "I don't know, the kitchen lost your ticket. There was a computer malfunction and then things caught fire. The firemen had to come and put it out, and then they found your ticket under the smoldering embers...so that's why your steak is five minutes late.".... Just tell me you got busy and it slipped your mind. I'm okay with that.

The worst one to me is when I see my server on her phone. I know that today's generation has some need to be in contact with everyone 24/7 and I have learned to accept that. But when I need something at my table, and you fail to notice because your girl friend just broke up with her boyfriend who cheated on her with his supposed best friend...I'm not going to be happy. You are here to work and this is your job. And, not to be conceded, but I come first. I am the one paying the bill that allows you to keep that phone your on in service, so make sure that I am happy before Samantha can't call you the next time shit hits the fan with Andrew. It's common sense.

Despite all of these, probably the number one thing I look for in a server is a positive attitude. We all have our own lives outside of work, and not to be cold, but I don't really care about yours. I am here for a nice dinner and a night out to not worry about my own crazy life let alone wonder about yours. As soon as you walk into work, the outside world needs to stay there. Do not be in a terrible mood because your girlfriend is psycho. Do not show the customer that you simply don't want to be at work. You don't want to be -- I don't tip you. Easy as that. If you engage in even a small conversation with me, I will tip you more than expected. I am extremely easy to please and really understanding.

I know that every place is different and every store/restaurant has different standards, but I the guest-service industry all lies on the same guidelines. The number one rule is to make the guest happy. I am not that guest who asks for the world from my server. Nor am I that guest who doesn't tip my server if my food came out overcooked or doesn't taste good. I know what lies on the server and what lies in other areas of the store. I know what they can and can't control.
As a customer, I can be your best or your worst, but that all lies on the service that I receive from YOU.

Cover Image Credit: Wikimedia

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Why I Chose My Diet

I'm vegan. Please don't be alarmed.

ty_sez
ty_sez
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You aren't going to die

for my wedding. Please


go home that night. You

deserve this for once, to


palm open your children's

bedroom door and let


the hallway light peek

in so they wake just gently.


To lift them up and out from

their nests, set them in their seats,


and bib them. To then spoon

milk into their bellies


until their eyes droop and sleep

returns, tilting their heads


gently back. You deserve this

for once. We will be fine and


the ceremony will cement

without your blood.



I'm a vegan. Please don't be alarmed.

If you don't know about veganism already, it can be easily summed up as "a diet and/or lifestyle that is free of animal products," (my own definition). So, no meat, dairy, eggs, leather, wool, down, or etc.

People adopt veganism for many reasons including, but not limited to environmental consciousness, a sense of spirituality, or socioeconomic concerns. That being said, when some people adopt veganism, a certain sense of superiority may arise. This kind of unfounded condescension only results in further stigmatization and ignorance of the diet/lifestyle and is not helpful or productive.

Despite my personal decision to adopt the diet, I still believe that "to each is their own." I don't want to be lectured or ridiculed for my diet, just like anyone else. But, because of some condescending vegans, many people assume that I will be snobbish or rude because of my diet. I wrote this poem to hopefully remedy some of the ignorance about the motives for veganism and dispel some of the stigma surrounding those who have adopted the diet/lifestyle.

ty_sez
ty_sez

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