If you're a Christian, or grew up in the church, you've probably heard this phrase: guard your heart. Often this phrase is in reference to romantic relationships, where Christians are told to be careful how fast they move, to slow it down, and not become too vulnerable too quickly. This message has become the go-to advice for Christian couples, and the phrase seems to have lost its understanding and importance because of this.

I'd like to suggest that this piece of counsel, "to guard your heart" can be applied to both people in the church and outside of the church (though it should be followed more intentionally by Christians, and in a much more Biblical way than I'm about to explain it). Guarding your heart essentially has to do with vulnerability and emotional intimacy, something this world seems to be silent on.

We live in a world where physical intimacy has become the norm and hook-up culture is alive and well, especially for college students. Physical intimacy no longer grows with the commitment of a relationship, rather it can occur with strangers now. This topic is closely aligned with guarding one's heart, but I am going to focus on the emotional side: the side less talked about.

Society encourages us to self-express and disclose personal feelings and events and relationships, all on our social media. We almost seem to try to superficially construct intimacy and closeness through the self we present to others. I'd like to suggest that this construction of intimacy is less fulfilling than emotional intimacy with a person face to face, who is present and active in your life.

I believe we have forgotten what constructing intimacy in our lives looks like. That it is important to be wise about whom we let in-- who it is we allow to actually get to know the real "you." Some of us are too guarded, and some of us are not guarded enough. Those of us who are too guarded can handle intimacy when it is superficially constructed through social media, but not in person. Those of us who are not guarded enough have become accustomed to sharing too much about ourselves, often on the basis of searching for approval and more friends.

Wherever you land in guarding your heart, it is important to understand a few truths. First, intimacy should be earned. We may not all follow this belief in our physical lives, but in becoming closer friends or lovers, it should be earned by an increased level of commitment by both parties. Second, you only truly have one or two friends. These friends are the ones who know you sometimes better than yourself. So remember that intimacy only occurs with a few select individuals. And lastly, emotional intimacy takes time. Lots of it. Because in order for it to happen naturally, you'll need time and experiences to add up to create a better understanding of the other person.

These truths are important to remember because the heart is most directly connected to the soul of a person, and to the essence of what and who a person is. Striking a balance of how we guard our hearts is going to allow for healthy intimacy to take place. I strongly believe humans were made and intended for intimacy, and that when intimacy goes askew it hurts us more than we can know or understand. Guarding our hearts is how we choose to respect ourselves, claiming that we deserve intimacy in its best form. Let's remember that the very nature of intimacy is that it's exclusive, carrying a level of depth that is unparalleled. We must tread lightly and carefully, and we must guard our hearts.