I have been living this for seven years now.

I met Caitlin in kindergarten, we instantly became best friends. The weekly play dates became more frequent when our little brothers became friends. We had our first sleepover in her basement, went night swimming in her grandparent's pool, she even cheated off my spelling test in third grade (the word was "daughter").

I remember everything that happened that night. The phone rang late January 25, 2010, while I was sitting at the dinner table with my dad. I could hear crying from the other side of the phone, and that’s when my mom started to cry. She then went upstairs to continue the conversation. A few minutes later she came back down and said, “Elizabeth I’m so sorry, but Caitlin passed away.”

I saw her a few hours ago at school, how could this happen? My best friend is dead; she died from a brain aneurysm in her sleep. What am I supposed to do without her?

I honestly have no idea.

It was hard trying to understand why this happened. Why did God take away my best friend? Why her and not someone else? Why not me? Why? Why? Why?

The following few weeks at school there were grief counselors everywhere. It was like there was a convention. They would sit in during class to make sure we weren’t acting strangely. Sometimes they would make us sit in a circle and share our feelings. Trying to make fourth graders spill their feelings in front of their teachers, the opposite sex, and grief counselors was not easy. It usually ended in tears and frustration.

You would never believe what happened this past year, Cait. The boy drama was unbelievable. Who would have thought these boys from elementary school would turn out this way. And if you thought the boy drama was bad, the friend drama was intense. Jasmine did what to whom? How dare she stoop that low! As the weeks passed, it got worse. Jasmine can cause a lot of issues. Knowing you, you would be mocking her in the back of the classroom. I would be right next to you dying of laughter.

However, I am now 17, a freshman in college, living every day without my best friend. I survived my first day of college and I can’t walk to her house to tell her everything. I can’t tell her about the professor that is out of her mind, the cute boy in the back of math, or the long walk to my car. This drives me insane some days, today is one of those days.

Growing up is hard - really hard. It is even harder when your best friend isn’t there to witness the important occasions. She won’t be at my college graduation, she won’t be a bridesmaid at my wedding and I won’t be one in hers. I miss my best friend, but I know she will be at my wedding in spirit because even at the age of eight, she was searching for the perfect husband for me.

I love you babygirl, forever and always.