How Growing Up In Two Different Households Changes You

How Growing Up In Two Different Households Changes You

Two Christmases, two Thanksgivings, two birthdays.

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You never think it will be tour family that gets split up. You never think you will have to choose between your parents. All the arguing and fighting. The constantly meeting up with your parents "friends" when it's actually their lawyers. Always worrying about if you are with mom, dad is gonna be jealous or if you're with dad, mom is gonna be jealous. Basically living out of a suitcase most of the time and never being in one house for too long.

1. Switching between parents for each holiday.

If I was with my dad for Christmas, then I was with my mom for Thanksgiving and for New Years, or vice versa. There was always two of each holiday. Not ever being able to just be with everyone you care about, its either dad's side or mom's side. When all you want is to be able to be with both of them.

2. The step parents.

Ohh, there are horror stories about the step-parents, shipping you away, or treating you as slaves. When they try to act as if your dad or mom is no longer present, it turns into an all-out war. They don't respect any of your personal boundaries, and are always criticizing the way you were raised, or always having a double standard when it comes to their own kids and you. While not everyone has had a bad experience with step parents. This is my experience.

3. Living with either your mom or dad, your other parent misses out on a lot.

There is a lot of things that parents miss out on because they don't live close by, like award ceremonies, birthdays, sporting events. Things you wish they could be there for, to be able to share in the everyday things that shape you. To be able to have both people there who love you unconditionally and want nothing but greatness for you.

4. The constant competition between the parents to be the favorite

There is never a time where they aren't trying to compete with each other, or hoping that you will pick them over the other one. You feel like you are being pulled a hundred different directions, and you don't know which way to go. You love both of them so much but it is so difficult to have to pick between them.

5. They are struggling as much as you are.

They lost a family as much as you did, so you gotta try and cut them some slack. Even though you are sad and brokenhearted, they are more sad and brokenhearted. They just lost a husband or a wife, they promised to love each other forever and it didn't end up working out. They need time to heal just like you do. They are doing the best they can.

6. Either having to fly or drive to see your other parent, sucks.

You just wish they were so much closer so you can see them more often but they aren't. There is nothing you can do but be in the car for 4 or 5 hours because there is no other way of getting there. It is just so much harder when they are far away and you just feel like going to see them. You have to deal with the fact you aren't always gonna be able to see them.

7. Hoping you don't forget anything at their house because you won't be able to get it till you go back.

if you leave your favorite pair of shoes or a pair of shorts, you probably won't get it back for a couple weeks, or if you forget your retainer, they are gonna have to be shipped to you. Constantly making sure you don't forget to take something there or bring it back.

8. Missing how your life used to be.

Always wishing that you could have your old house back or wanting to be able to celebrate holidays how you use to be able to. Now its always separate, everything is no matter what. They may get together for like big important things but there will never be a family Christmas. It's just sad, so very sad.

9. Hoping that when you are older and have your own family that this won't happen to you.

Because your parents got divorced. sometimes you think well will get divorced from my spouse when I am older? All you want is to be able to love your spouse and always be able to make it work no matter what. and have a loving family, and not have to rip apart your kids' lives. Be happy with one another always, its a thought and sometimes its a worry.

10. Still knowing that you have a mom and dad that love you, they just aren't together anymore.

They will always be there for you no matter what, them getting divorced doesn't mean that they love you any less. It is always gonna be ok because they are always gonna be there for you, just maybe not at the same time but its unconditional love no matter how far apart you are from each other.

It gets easier as time goes by and eventually you will grow up and everything will be less complicated because you will have your own life. And they will always be there for you no matter what.

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The Thank You My Dad Deserves

While our moms are always the heroes, our dads deserve some credit, too.
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Dear Dad,

You’ve gone a really long time without being thanked. I'm not talking about thanks for things like opening the Gatorade bottle I couldn't or checking my tires when my car’s maintenance light is flashing, but rather the thanks I owe you for shaping me into the person I am today.

Thank you for teaching me what I deserve and for not letting me settle for anything less.

While the whole world was telling me I wasn’t good enough, you were there to tell me I was. Whether this was with boys, a friend, or anything else, you always built my confidence to a place I couldn’t build it to on my own. You showed me what my great qualities were and helped me feel unique. But most of all, you never let me settle for anything less than what I deserved, even when I wanted to. Without you, I wouldn’t be nearly as ambitious, outgoing or strong.

Thank you for giving me someone to make proud.

It’s hard to work hard when it’s just for myself, but so easy when it’s for you. All through school, nothing made me happier than getting a good grade back because I knew I got to come home and tell you. With everything I do, you give me a purpose.

SEE ALSO: 20 Things You Say When Calling Your Dad On The Phone

Thank you for showing me what selflessness looks like.

You are the prime example of what putting your family first looks like. If me wanting something means that you can’t get what you want, you’ll always sacrifice. From wearing the same t-shirts you’ve had since I was in elementary school so I could buy the new clothes I wanted, to not going out with your friends so you could come to my shows, you never made a decision without your family at the forefront of your mind. If there is one quality you have that I look up to you for the most, it’s your ability to completely put your needs aside and focus entirely on the wants of others.

Thank you for being the voice in the back of my head that shows me wrong from right.

Even though many of your dad-isms like “always wear a seatbelt” easily get old, whenever I’m in a situation and can’t decide if what I’m doing is right or wrong, I always can hear you in the back of my head pointing me in the right direction. While I may not boost your ego often enough by telling you you’re always right, you are.

Thank you for being real with me when nobody else will.

Being your child hasn’t always been full of happiness and encouragement, but that’s what makes you such an integral part of my life. Rather than sugarcoating things and always telling me I was the perfect child, you called me out when I was wrong. But what separates you from other dads is that instead of just knocking me down, you helped me improve. You helped me figure out my faults and stood by me every step of the way as I worked to fix them.

Most of all, thank you for showing me what a great man looks like.

I know that marriage may seem very far down the road, but I just want you to know that whoever the guy I marry is, I know he’ll be right because I have an amazing guy to compare him to. I know you’re not perfect (nobody is), but you’ve raised me in a such a way that I couldn’t imagine my kids being raised any differently. Finding a guy with your heart, drive, and generosity will be tough, but I know it will be worth it.


Dad, you’re more than just my parent, but my best friend. You’re there for me like nobody else is and I couldn’t imagine being where I am now without you.

Love you forever,

Your little girl

Cover Image Credit: Caity Callan

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To The Single Mom Who Raised Me, I Am Strong Because Of You

She brought me into this world and has definitely threatened to take me out.

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Without my mom, I don't know who I would be today. She has taught me many lessons but I believe the most important was to create my own independence and never depend on a spouse to take care of me. My mother went back to school when I was a young girl and thankfully we had my grandparents to help my mom raise me while she did school full time and worked two jobs.

My mom left a situation that she knew was not safe nor healthy for either of us and even though I did not understand why until I was older, I'm thankful that she did. I used to resent her for what she did but it wasn't until I was old enough to know and understand that I saw why and I felt terrible for blaming everything on her for years and years.

Even though we have our differences, my mom will always be my best friend and number one fan. We have differing views and opinions but that is because she taught me to be a free thinker and have an independent mindset. She taught me how to cook more homemade dishes than one could dream of and was proof that God works miracles. My mom is my best friend and without her, I don't know how I could ever make it through this life. There are many things we don't agree upon but in the end, we put that aside and love each other anyway.

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