If you don't know me, or maybe if you even do know me, you might not be aware that I grew up in between two brothers. I grew up as the only girl between two boys who are as different as night and day. When I was growing up there were definitely times that I wished I had older sisters. I wanted someone to steal clothes from, to learn how to do my makeup from, someone that I had to bang on the door to convince her to get out of the bathroom, someone that I could learn about growing up from. But instead, I got brothers who left the seat up in the bathroom and who had no idea what a period was (to be honest, I still don't think they get it). Looking back, however, I am so glad that I didn't have sisters. Yeah sure, my brothers (and their friends) teased me relentlessly for my looks and for pretty much anything I did but they also taught me about video games, 'guy' movies and shows and that I shouldn't off-road in the Honda CRV lest I want to get stuck and slapped with a reckless op ticket.
They taught me to have no shame in burping loudly (although with that one I think sometimes I'm the brother), that 80s music is just as good today as it was then and that yeah, the stereotypes are right, sometimes your older brother at 19 years old will walk into your room, fart and then leave.
However, there was a downside to growing up with the brothers that I did. I watched as my other friends with brothers formed close relationships with their siblings while I struggled to find things to talk about with mine. I watched with envy how my friends' brothers weren't embarrassed of having a sister and that they actually wanted to talk to their sister. I wondered (and still wonder) constantly if I would ever have a brother who would break the nose of a boy who broke my heart or hurt me.
My brothers and I grew up in an abnormal way. We moved around a lot and we watched as our parents struggled with things that I don't think I'll ever understand. We watched as my mom lost touch with her sister and my dad lost touch with his brother from time to time and I wondered if that would ever happen to us. I wondered if my brothers would ever have Sunday dinner with the family after we all grew up and went our separate ways. I wondered if I would ever have the relationship that my mom now has with her sisters.
It's not to say that I am not grateful for my brothers. I thank God every day that I have two amazing brothers in my life. It's just that sometimes I wonder and worry about them knowing that they may not wonder or worry about me, and that's okay, I'm used to it. I don't expect anything to change from writing this, in all honesty I don't expect either of them to even read it. But, if they do, I hope they realize that I'm always on their side and that I love them even when we fight about politics or I yell at my younger brother to get out of the kitchen. After all, they're my brothers and I wouldn't be who I am without them.
