Hi, my name is Sammy Webster, and I'm gay.

That is so weird for me to type, mainly because I have never written it down.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not in the closet by any means, but I don't think I have ever written it down, where multiple people could read. Multitudes of people have an idea of how people turn out gay, but I'm pretty sure I have always been this way. I mean, the men's underwear packages in Walmart have always interested me, and I have always had a crush on Peter Parker ever since Spiderman was released (The old one you heathens). I can't recall a time where, physically, I was attracted to a woman. The irony in that is that I have had more girlfriends than boyfriends. The tally at the current moment is 3-1, and the 1 is going well.

Moreover, as long as I have been gay, I have been raised as a very conservative Christian.

Which is also ironic, because I'm in no way a conservative. If you as the reader don't have any knowledge on being brought up in the Church Of Christ, I challenge you to go look up some information, because the description I am about to give will not be sufficient enough to do it justice.

You see, what sets us apart from many denominations are they strict ways that we do things. Most churches have bands that lead worship. We do not, we have one song leader, whom gets up in front of the congregation and sings A Capella, which is okay at best. We take communion every Sunday, and we're usually the people who will damn you to Hell first.

There are a select few in the church who are tender, loving, and open-minded, but for the 18 years I have been attending, they are rare, from my experience.

When the preacher gets up on the pulpit and preaches about going to Hell one Sunday, and loving your neighbor another. Life was confusing, and to be fair, it still is, and in my sophomore year of high school, it got even more mind-boggling. A man was introduced in my life, that would forever change me, and just add a new layer of figuring stuff out to my life. This man who we will call K started attending our church with his wife and baby, and soon became my best friend. ( before any of you weirdos start thinking weird things, keep it PG) K was really the only person in my life I could confide into, about anything.

He was to me, the dad I never ended up getting to get, and I just figured God was making up for the shit hand he played me growing up. Over the course of the next year and a half, I would tell K everything, and he would always be there.

Everything except being gay, of course.

I had seen how the church had handled that, and it was not pretty. Hate and Condemnation were not on my list of things I wanted, so I stuck to keeping it to myself, in that setting anyway. until I couldn't.

My junior year, in January, my youth group went on a skiing trip, and for some reason, that was when I deemed it the right time to fess up. It took three and half hours of the four-hour trip to muster up the courage, but I did it, I told him.

He took it well.

At that moment I felt like I could possibly merge my two lives together, I could feel free to love, and attend the church I had been for 17 years at the point. As the old saying goes, all good things come to end, and that good feeling, came to a halt when K turned out to be like the rest. While he was never hateful, he was never supportive of who I was.

There was a moment in our relationship where I told him that I was who I was, and I'm also a Christian, but I was combated with no I wasn't and I just couldn't be both. I had to pick.

As these articles progress, it's my hope that you all learn about me, and the first thing you should know is that I hate having ultimatums, I hate being one, and I don't like them being put in front of me. However, since I had no choice, I picked.

It severed our friendship, and while we are on great terms at this point in time, things will never be the same, and that's okay. That's okay because everyone thinks differently, and believes in different things. I have come to terms with that. My lives will never be able to merge, and that's just something I will have to carry.

It's something that I can carry. There are so many people that have been supportive, and that's what matters.

To me, God still cares, and he loves me. Even when it feels like a select few do not. Growing up is hard stuff. Learning and loving who you are is harder, but once you do, smiling is the easier than ever before. Don't forget to smile.