So apparently I am an adult. I am able to comprehend this fact logically, though not emotionally. I understand that as an almost 21-year-old, the state considers me to be an adult and has considered me to be one since I the day turned 18.

However, I do not feel like an adult. I feel like a 4-year-old, trapped in what appears to be a 14-year-old's body. I’ve always looked young for my age, so perhaps that factor's into my childlike persona.

To be honest I have no idea what I’m doing or how I got to be this old. There are people my age who are engaged, buying house’s and thriving in their work field. While I’m over here trying to figure out how to make this one package of pasta last me a whole week's worth of meals.

I could go on endlessly explaining all the red-flags to why I shouldn’t be an adult, but that would be very long and a much different article. I’ve accepted that somehow I've made it to this point in life and now I’m just trying to figure all this weird stuff out like everybody else. I wanted to start writing about specific experiences I've had that have been particularly “adultish” or difficult for me to complete on my own, especially while living in New York City. The first of which is grocery shopping.

Not gonna lie, one of the best things about adulting is being able to eat what you want without anyone saying you can’t. Wanna chug a liter of Coke Zero at 10 am? Go for it! Wanna eat Cheese-It’s as a full three-course meal? Yes, do it! Being able to consume mass amounts of junk food whenever you want is a large perk of adulthood, but after a while, you start missing the taste and feeling of a home-cooked meal.

The first time this urge struck me I made my way over to the store and attempted to go grocery shopping for wholesome ingredients, in an effort sooth my home hunger. I say attempted because as a 5’ 4” girl with limited upper body strength, actual grocery shopping in lower Manhattan is nearly impossible. I walk everywhere which means that I walk twenty minutes to the store and I walk twenty minutes home with whatever I bought in hand. What usually happens is I am able to fill each arm with a grocery bag that contains about five products each. It’s less than that if I decide to purchase milk or some other large beverage that day.

To make this process a bit easier I’ll bring a backpack with me to the store and fill that up instead with my purchases to give my arms a break. Even with a backpack, I’m still only able to carry a limited amount of food because my body physically cannot support any more weight. I have thought about purchasing a rolling cart to bring with me when I go shopping, but I decided against it.

I go to the store on the way back home from class, so in order to use the cart, I would first have to go back to my dorm and grab it, which is more of a hassle than it’s worth.

After much trial and error, I've learned that the best thing for me to do is to just go to the store every few days and pick up what I need in small quantities. I'm only cooking for myself, so I just use a few simple ingredients for each dish and it does the job.

My meals are still nowhere near what a home cooked meal should be, but I'm doing the best I can with what I've got. When in doubt, I pop in some good old-fashioned Top Ramen and call it a night.