A little over a year ago, a part of my world was forever darkened. My cousin, my favorite, I used to call him, passed away tragically. The details of his passing still get to me with every moment, second, and energy I give thinking about it.

It is one of the most momentous events of my life and one of the least talked about events of my life.

Not that my family doesn't enjoy speaking about him, we love and appreciate him still. Even though he is not physically at family events, he will always be there with us. Though, it never gets easier when there is an empty chair staring at all of us in the face while sitting at dinner.

It was extremely hard for me at first to think about anything else. People always say it gets easier with time, and that is definitely true. However, lately, thoughts and memories have been pouring into my mind of him. A basketball hoop, a certain smell, and random people I see on pictures throughout my Facebook feed transport me back to happy memories of us.

Unfortunately, even the happiest of memories are now tainted with complete sadness because memories can never be repeated.

Clearing out my Papa's house, I came across an old chalkboard my grandparents had bought for all of us to doodle on as kids. It was covered in his handwriting, sprawling his silly doodles everywhere and dates each time all of us came to use the chalkboard.

At that moment, it felt as though all the work I had been putting in to understand and move past his passing at imploded. I felt like I had lost him all over again. And the worst part was that the next time I come home, this chalkboard will be gone, his handwriting will be gone, all of it gone the same way he had gone.

Memories are all that live with me now, but like I said, memories cannot be repeated. I cherish and hold on to them for now, but what I really long for are to create more memories with my beloved Scooter.