Grief: An inexplicable, immeasurable amount of pain felt when you lose* someone you love, someone you once knew.
*Physical loss (death). Can also be felt during the loss of a relationship, a friendship, or the destruction of an ideal image of a person one creates within their own mind.
Every single day, I grieve for you.
I grieve for the you that I knew, the you that sat in the throne on top of the highest mountain.
I grieve for the you that was abruptly taken from me in four words that I struggle to even say and accept in my head.
I grieve for the you that talked me off the ledge, gave me calmness and peace amidst the storms of anxiety in the form of comforting words and deep breaths.
I grieve for the you that took late night drives with me and played music parodies through the aux cord.
I grieve for the you that captivated my heart for years, the joyful you.
I grieve for the you that was filled with ambition, love, and hope.
The person I see today is so drained of life, wondering if it's all over for them. I see you walk around with a cloud of fear looming over your head. I see you lying to yourself, saying that you're okay when you know you're not. I see you hiding from life as if you were dead, and I grieve.
I grieve for one that is breathing and walking and talking, but their soul can't find its way back home. I search all the filing cabinets in my brain for ways to help you find yourself again, but I keep coming up empty. The echoing emptiness piles up, weighing me down with pain.
And I grieve for you, because I have to watch you lose another piece of yourself each day. I grieve for you that I knew because I don't know how to talk to this version of you.
I grieve every damn day for the you that we both once knew.