*The following article might make you cry.

The news hit me like a ton of bricks. I never thought I would get that phone call. I was sitting in my friend’s dorm talking about Halloween when my best friend texted me telling me that something happened to my other best friend. I called her and she said it. What no one ever wants to hear: Faith is dead. It felt like the world stopped and I couldn’t breathe. All I could muster was the word "how?"

My best friend died in a terrible accident. I couldn’t believe it, when I got back to my dorm I collapsed on my bed and completely broke down. My best friend of eight years was gone. My SRA and RA came into my room and asked “What’s wrong sunshine?” since they never saw me cry like that. I barely uttered the words when my SRA hugged me and said “Honey, I’m so sorry.” My heart was broken and the pain was like no other. I kept waiting for her to call me and tell me it was all a joke and that she was perfectly okay. The only call I got that night was from someone I went to high school with asking if it was true that my best friend was dead.

All I wanted to do was to go home and hug my little brother. I went home and my mom took off work to be with me. I saw my other best friend and we went to see my best friend’s family. I hugged her little brother and mom so tight. Her family was devastated and her father and sisters were in tears. Her mom gave me lip gloss from Faith’s purse. My best friend loved makeup, especially red lipstick. I keep her lip gloss in my purse forever and always. After seeing her family, I went back home where we later went out to eat for dinner and standing in line I realized the last person to wear the hoodie I had on was Faith and I began to cry again.

I went back to school the days leading up to her services. My professors were more than understanding. They let me rearrange my tests so I wouldn’t have to miss her viewing or funeral. Other people weren’t as understanding, some were just plain mean. Asking me why I still wasn’t over “that girl” I knew dying or just telling me to get over it. What they failed to see was that her death just doesn’t affect my now, it also affects my future. I didn’t just lose my high school best friend. I lost my soul sister, my drinking buddy on my 21^st birthday, a bridesmaid in my wedding, a godmother to my kids, and one of my biggest supports. A person even told me I should be relieved that I don’t have to worry about that pain in the ass. But she was MY pain in the ass, I loved her so much that I did everything I could to look out for her.

When the day of the viewing came, I was terrified. I didn’t know if I was ready to see her like that. I went with my other best friend, the third musketeer in our little group of three. When I did see her, she looked so beautiful and they did a wonderful job. They put a picture of us in her casket with her and I cried holding her hand wishing more than anything for her to wake up and give me a hug. Someone came up to me and asked if I knew her. All I thought was she was my best friend since middle school and I loved her so much, I was in the middle of planning our big ten year friendaversary. All I said was yes.

Her funeral was even harder. I wrote her a letter that I took pieces from to speak at the service. I broke down crying saying it out loud to everyone. They played the goodbye song from ‘Bear in the Big Blue House’ changing one part to Faith and heaven’s golden gates and I cried even more. That was a song that we sang at the end of every shop class in high school. As I waited to say my final goodbye, I read over the letter I wrote her. When it came my turn, I was crying so hard. Her family members held me, making me promise not to be a stranger and I gave her my letter and held her hand one last time.

When I put my flower on her casket, I said “Love you more Faith” and put my hand on her casket. As I watched them lower my best friend into the ground, I prayed to God that it was his turn to watch over our girl and keep her safe.

My wish used to be to turn into an owl at will but that changed to being able to hug my best friend Faith and hear her say “Love you Jazzy” one more time. People say that a helmet wouldn’t have saved her but it might have given me the chance to say goodbye. To tell her that I love her more than ever. That I will never forget her. Be with her when she left instead of being an hour away.

A piece of my heart died with her and I will never stop missing her. Always hug your loved ones goodbye because if I learned anything from this it’s not to take those moments for granted because you think there will be thousands more until there aren’t.

I Love You, Faith.