This past Thursday night, I had the privilege of leading and hosting a Grief Awareness night at Eastern University with the Good Grief Group I helped start. Our group seeks to provide those with significant loss a place to find encouragement, support, and healing. The purpose of hosting a Grief Awareness night was to allow for students to share their stories and experiences of loss and grief in the midst of college, so that others may come to better understand and empathize with such students. We also desired for people to learn more about grief and the grieving process, as it is often a topic that is rarely discussed, and we wanted to give a space where it would be talked about openly.
The night turned out beautifully, beginning with a welcome and introduction that proceeded a brief presentation on grief from counselor Kate Glerup. She reminded us that grief is normal, it is a part of life, and that each of us will grieve differently. She mentioned that it is important to allow ourselves to grieve and feel however we need to, in order to process our loss. She ended with a metaphor of what life is like with grief. She said that life is a school bus and we are riding on it, and grief is sitting there with us. Sometimes grief is driving the bus, sometimes it's in the passenger seat, and sometimes it is at the back of the bus. As we continue to go through life, we may become less aware of grief with us, but certain moments that trigger memories of particularly difficult days can bring grief back to the front of the bus again. The point is, grief never fully leaves you once you lose a loved one. It becomes more manageable, and perhaps less prominent in your day-to-day life, but grief is is a continual process of living with a loss.
Following the presentation there was a student panel of five made up of the members from the Good Grief Group. I was one of them. There were six questions that we had written down asking about what life was like with grief. It took about an hour and a half to answer these. We talked about having difficult days where we get so overwhelmed with grief that we become discombobulated, irritable, tired and unmotivated. We shared triggers, a sudden experience or sensation such as a smell, color, word or phrase that brings you back to amenity if of with your loved one. Lastly we took the time to share what has been helpful and unhelpful during this time. What has been helpful does depend on the person, but it was generally agreed upon that being patient, present, and listening to us when we are having a difficult moment is extremely helpful. What has not been helpful is not feeling like we can speak about our loved one, as if people are tiptoeing around us and do not want to mention our loved one's name. Also, words of comfort or explanation were not helpful to us, we would much rather there be silence and, for some of us, receive a hug.
Following the pre-written questions there was a time for audience questions. The response from the audience was incredibly powerful, as they thanked us for sharing our stories and asked us further questions about how to help people and friends who are grieving. A few audience members even disclosed that they themselves were grieving, and they expressed how helpful it was to hear others speak on it, and to hear that it is normal and okay to talk about.
We ended with a time of reflection and response. There were tables set up in the back with pictures and physical belongings of our loved ones for people to see. I put out my sister's artwork. In the back, prayer was made available by the Watchmen Prayer Ministry and on the side was a table where attendees could write a note to the student panelists, either a note of encouragement or of sharing how their stories connected with them.
This event was, simply put, beautiful. There was this wonderful connection between the student panelists and the audience, a quiet, shared understanding that what was being said was incredibly vulnerable and that in front of them sat some extremely brave individuals. I was taken aback by how intently and patient the audience was in listening, and how thankful they were that we decided to share with them our lives. Our stories were powerful, they had an impact.
To my group, I am more thankful for you all than words can say. You were all so brave that night. It took every ounce of my being not to fall apart when you all were sharing. Walking this journey of grief with you all has been such a joy. I love you all so much, and I am glad that others got a chance to see how fierce, brave, and beautiful you all are. In my eyes, the night was a success because God gave you all the strength to share and he most certainly spoke through you all. Incredibly thankful for each and everyone of you, and incredibly thankful for a school like Eastern University where an event such as this can be held and received with open arms.