Starting college, I felt the need to do all things to become a part of my university. I joined multiple clubs, created study groups, and participated in on-campus activities. The one thing that I didn't do was formally rush for a sorority. I had always felt like I wasn't "sorority material" and wanted to focus on my grades. After spending the first semester cooped up in my room only doing homework and actual work off campus, I felt isolated and that I hadn't met the number of people I had hoped for at the beginning of the year. So I decided to informally rush.
After I had sent in my application, I was so happy and smiling from ear to ear as I told everyone around me what I had done. Everyone was somewhat shocked at the decision I had made. My best friend gave me a confused look and asked me if I really wanted to be in a sorority or if I just wanted to meet more people. I never looked at sororities as a way to pay for friends, but the newly founded thought kept creeping into my mind.
I spent the next few days anxiously checking my email to see if I had been invited to any informal rush get-togethers or open houses. Surprise, surprise, I hadn't. After about a week of keeping my inbox refreshed, I decided to take a break and spend time with friends and family without bringing up the topic. Checking my email later that week I had finally been reached out to and was invited to come to an open house held by one of the sororities.
Before I left for the open house, I made sure that my outfit was cute, yet comfortable, my lipstick wasn't smudged, and that the gum I was chewing was working. I slung my bag over my arm and began to walk to the open house to meet my possible future sisters. After getting to the location I had realized that I wasn't special as the line to the open house wrapped around the corner. I realized that they had invited everyone who signed up for informal recruitment to meet them.
After standing in line for almost a half hour I finally made my way inside only to be rushed to a girl who was sitting by herself. We started talking and the conversation was flowing nicely. I made jokes and expressed myself the best I could in the fifteen minutes that I was given. Over the entire conversation she wouldn't look me in the eye, never asked one question, and kept looking around for her fellow sisters. I felt embarrassed and annoyed as one of the girls came up to me and walked me to the door saying how nice it was to meet me, as I turned around to say have a good night she was already halfway across the room.
Walking home I held back the tears. I felt the rejection seep into my bones and that I was unwanted. After getting back to my room, I took my makeup off got into sweats, climbed into my bed and fell asleep. The next morning, I woke up to a formal and scripted email stating that while they enjoyed meeting me, I was not chosen to go through to the second round. I was disappointed and texted one of my friends who said she had gotten the same email. She then replied stating that she had been asked to join a different sorority while my inbox remained barren.
Now, this whole encounter was not to bash sororities but to put the light on them to say that if you have ever felt unwanted and unwelcomed by Greek life you are not alone. Sororities aren't for everyone and that is perfectly okay. And if you are a sister out there, way to go! I have made some amazing friendships through classes and other clubs that not being a part of Greek life hasn't taken anything away from me. I realized that not only the only sisters I needed were my biological sister, the girls I had become close to and the queen James Charles himself, but to also have confidence in myself and not rely on an organization to boost my ego.