Some five or so years ago, I gave up caffeine for Lent. Not just pop (soda). Not coffee. Caffeine. I opted to buckle down and pin point all the significant sources of the glorious life-giving substance in my diet and cut it out straight away. Yup, I went cold turkey. Adhering strictly to my sacrifice, I even gave up chocolate. Of course, no caffeine whatsoever also meant not taking my preferred migraine medication because it, too, contained caffeine. And therein lies my greatest mistake.

I suffered a headache that lasted 46 days. 46 days of heightened consciousness and irritability, of constant awareness that I was suffering far worse than some messianic jaunt in the damn dessert. Jesus’ temptations be damned. I woke up irritable. I went to bed irritable. And, on the off chance that the withdrawal symptoms didn’t strike down upon me with great vengeance and furious anger, the smell of a cup of coffee would thrust me right back on the Headache Train en route to Headache Town where I’d languish for hours in the Headache Hotel until something managed to alleviate said ailment. Usually it was some form of meditation or an alternate type of pain reliever that didn’t include caffeine. Couple times it was ancient voodoo magic and ritualistic dancing in the moonlight while bathing naked in the blood of Vestal virgins. Whatever it took to relieve myself of that antagonizing cerebral pain.

Something you might have noticed was that I said “46 days.” I didn’t misspeak. I meant 46 days.

“But Lent is only 40 days,” you’re probably thinking right now. You’re right, too. Lent IS only 40 days, but that’s only after subtracting Easter Sunday and all the other Sundays throughout Lent. For years, however, I’ve operated under the guidance that Lent starts with Ash Wednesday and concludes only upon Easter Sunday. I’ve never bothered to count the days before, at least not before giving up the sweet chemical substance that is caffeine.

It’s conspiracy, I tell you! I’m a lifelong and card carrying Catholic, and I’ve never learned of this 6-day discrepancy. Of course, being a reasonably erudite member of the Catholic faith, I turn to my well-worn copy of the Catechism of the Catholic Church for answers. I learned that although Sundays during Lent are very much part of Lent, they’re not observed days of fasting and abstinence. Essentially, Sundays are excised from any Lenten obligations by their being Easters, or “little Easters,” as an elderly relative referred to them.

So now you know about what I’ve referred to as the Great Lenten Conspiracy. Had I known about this before, I’d have imbibed enough caffeine to kill a lesser man, but only on those Sundays. Moving on from that experience, I have little interest in ever giving up caffeine again, but I can honestly say I was very much hyper-aware of my sacrifice. Whether it brought me closer to God, I can’t say. I’m not sure I’ve recovered enough yet.

I feel like brewing (and drinking) some coffee right now.