I was writing in my journal tonight about the things that I am grateful for, because I haven't done enough of that over the past few months, and something that came to mind and stuck with me is how grateful I am for being content. Actually, I wrote that I am grateful for being "okay". So now that it and I are here and this feeling doesn't come often, I want to share its existence.
Content feels like I am exactly where I knew I would be a year ago but cried for months because I wasn't there yet. I am exactly where "let it come" and "let it go" come to meet for coffee, to talk about the olden days. I am in the center of freedom from yesterday and tomorrow. I am at a distance that cannot be fathomed or reached by any worry or fear that has come and that has yet to come. And for once, I feel like I am the master of my own thoughts.
And, I know for some, this sounds like happiness but don't get happiness and content mixed up. Happiness is excitement. Happiness is feeling out of this world and you are ready to take on anything that comes your way, having forgotten about all of the problems from yesterday and the days before. But content, you don't forget. Actually, content, you remember everything that happened yesterday but you're okay. You are okay and at peace with all that has happened to you and that, cannot touch content. Your problems from yesterday are in arms reach to happiness. Your problems are so close to happiness that one wrong move and your problems can steal your happiness from you, forgetting that you were ever experiencing joy. Happiness often comes with a following "why me?" This question comes between happiness and disappointment because your happiness is now gone.
This is because happiness pursues that part of you that wants more. And wanting more leads to disappointment, a place that content will never bring you. Why? Because content, instead, brings you to a place where you are okay with all that you have and all that you don't have. Actually, content is that place that reminds you that all that life has in store for you will come your way when it and you are ready, and if that isn't now, then that's okay. Which is probably why I wrote that I was grateful for being "okay" than content. Even though I am content with where I am and who I am, and all might not be okay but that is as okay as I am okay.
"Okay" is such a good place to be. You had a bad day? Okay. Tomorrow is coming and you are okay with anything and everything it brings. You are okay with how things in your life are going even if that means everything is going downhill. Or, everything in your life could be going right for you but you know where happiness takes you, so you are okay. That is what I am grateful for, whether that, too, comes and goes.